tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post6923665630523514429..comments2024-03-22T02:57:20.853-07:00Comments on Center of Gravitas: Wrong Thing to SayGayProfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11289510184782252498noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-50140615028492361602009-07-17T09:16:25.300-07:002009-07-17T09:16:25.300-07:00Just found your blog through David's Someone i...Just found your blog through David's Someone in a Tree.<br />My belated sympathy for your loss. We've had pets all our married lives. We still mourn those we've lost. Our first were Tibetan Terriers, a very longlived breed. For the past year we've had cats and we've discovered that we are also "bi-aninmal".<br />Have you heard of the poem The Rainbow Bridge?<br />Although it makes me cry, it still is so uplifting and comforting.<br />May you find a new companion to make a new place in your life.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-31214867415979523892009-07-08T18:41:16.627-07:002009-07-08T18:41:16.627-07:00You're right, only people who had never loved ...You're right, only people who had never loved a pet would be so clueless in this context. I'm with JP and others, loss is loss, and I hope you give yourself the space and time you need to mourn your kitty. Life is hard enough, we don't need to dismiss or discount the bonds that lighten it for us, now matter how or where they form.Patrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10556860299477514075noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-89198584292563472272009-07-06T14:20:06.947-07:002009-07-06T14:20:06.947-07:00What a bunch of fuckwads.What a bunch of fuckwads.dpastehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10813652943621759603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-23091165029947513542009-07-05T08:44:31.043-07:002009-07-05T08:44:31.043-07:00Gayprof, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I...Gayprof, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I don't have my own animal companions/home-sharers/lap-warmers, but my best friend from grad school lost hers to kidney failure, and I know how much it hit her. At least you got to make each others' lives happier places for a time.<br /><br />And honest to Wonder Woman, my word verification password for this post is "odcat."Notorious Ph.D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08700875559325201086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-60052928665677074852009-07-02T19:16:16.679-07:002009-07-02T19:16:16.679-07:00Those were mean people who said those things, and ...Those were mean people who said those things, and thus you should ignore them.<br /><br />I'm looking at the potential loss of my old scaredy-cat, Marty, and it makes me tear up even to think of it. She's 13 years old and is beginning to fail. <br /><br />I'm so sorry that your buddy is not there to meet you when you come home.Dr. Bad Asshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13694462361265180016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-85749917981488388582009-06-29T17:58:46.997-07:002009-06-29T17:58:46.997-07:00I'm so sorry, GayProf.I'm so sorry, GayProf.Flaviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-42869268716778978912009-06-29T17:34:52.544-07:002009-06-29T17:34:52.544-07:00I'm very sorry for your loss.
As for the idiot...I'm very sorry for your loss.<br />As for the idiotic comments, words fail me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-76900298146079029102009-06-29T12:22:34.758-07:002009-06-29T12:22:34.758-07:00Charming.
I'm so sorry to hear about your lo...Charming. <br /><br />I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I was a mess when Sheba had her stroke.Carrie Khttp://mymiddlenameispatience.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-6953306450025052792009-06-29T09:13:05.581-07:002009-06-29T09:13:05.581-07:00Yeah, what everyone here said. These absurd respo...Yeah, what everyone here said. These absurd responses are also part and parcel of how self-absorbed many academics are.<br /><br />And by the way? People who believe orange tabbies are ordinary cats who can be easily replaced are simply fools. <br /><br />xoxoxTenured Radicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05703980598547163290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-22177734585533120602009-06-29T08:45:10.013-07:002009-06-29T08:45:10.013-07:00I also missed your previous update. I'm so sor...I also missed your previous update. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sweet and devoted kitty. I know how devastating it can be -- the friendship I had with my first kitty was so deep and trusting, I grieve for him still sometimes. There can be a bond with pets that is unlike a relationship with a human (like a child) but that is truly strong and abiding. Anyone who doesn't get that, has a fairly impoverished emotional imagination. <br /><br />Here's wishing you more supportive friends, and the solace of time.squadratomagicohttp://squadratomagico.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-42696232783893786472009-06-29T06:02:38.430-07:002009-06-29T06:02:38.430-07:00Losing a pet is such an intensely personal hurt. ...Losing a pet is such an intensely <i>personal</i> hurt. I never expect anyone to understand. But I would never expect anyone to say anything so heartless either. I feel for you.Earl Cootiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13204523494279709530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-34732798373259871702009-06-28T18:45:59.009-07:002009-06-28T18:45:59.009-07:00Words don't help, do they? I'll send hugs....Words don't help, do they? I'll send hugs.<br /><br />(((((((GayProf)))))))))Bellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10849272391043604637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-32621059574553251002009-06-28T12:20:11.919-07:002009-06-28T12:20:11.919-07:00I'm so sorry for your loss.I'm so sorry for your loss.Kerihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14045836543630999356noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-22836365505413606462009-06-28T10:15:28.928-07:002009-06-28T10:15:28.928-07:00Gay Prof, I'm so sorry about your cat. I'm...Gay Prof, I'm so sorry about your cat. I'm also very sorry that people are being so unsympathetic. My thoughts are with you.Kendra Leonardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08887455908288484306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-24451086368941302462009-06-28T07:42:24.427-07:002009-06-28T07:42:24.427-07:00Gayprof, like several others I missed the update o...Gayprof, like several others I missed the update on your previous post. So I'll just add my condolences. It's a hard thing to deal with, as I know from when my kitty died of kidney failure. As for the idiots you've had to deal with, people should remember that if you can't be sympathetic, keep your mouth shut.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09716705206734059708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-23459184868031689772009-06-28T07:25:15.421-07:002009-06-28T07:25:15.421-07:00As I've said earlier, I am truly sorry for the...As I've said earlier, I am truly sorry for the loss of your kitty companion. As a mother to a human child, I can say without reservation that our pets are not our children. As the companion of several cats (and one dog) throughout my life, I can also say without reservation that our pets are a hugely important part of our family. <br />When my two old girls died from kidney failure, I was devastated. It took me such a long time to stop looking for them when I came home and to be able to talk about them without sobbing (and I was raised by an English mother so we NEVER cry!). At least one person said to me something like, "they weren't your kids, come on!" Does every loss have to be the most horrible loss we can imagine to be counted as a horrible loss? <br /><br />Please, GayProf, take your time in mourning. In my tradition, we believe that you must mourn for a whole year--go through a whole year of firsts without your companion--before you can rejoin the community as a non-mourning member. During that year of mourning, the community must give you space to grieve and take care of you so that you can spend your energy grieving. This is an ideal that rarely happens in the real world, but the point is that you must go through the grieving process. The fact that the companion you lost is feline is not particularly relevant (although orange tabbies in general tend to be very special animals--almost all of them are male with the sweetest of dispositions).Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17723606524411915708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-21320004907245568742009-06-28T06:06:39.810-07:002009-06-28T06:06:39.810-07:00People constantly amaze me at their ignorance.
I&...People constantly amaze me at their ignorance.<br /><br />I'm so very sorry for your loss, GayProf. Cats are family members. The unconditional love they bring into our lives cannot be diminished just because they aren't human.Doughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14065042871216479832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-4528560222818718412009-06-28T05:30:57.036-07:002009-06-28T05:30:57.036-07:00GayProf--that David Sedaris essay about the death ...GayProf--that David Sedaris essay about the death of his cat is called "The Youth in Asia," and it's in _Me Talk Pretty..._<br /><br />I think you'd enjoy it a lot.Historiannhttp://historiann.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-17122983854723056042009-06-28T04:48:43.071-07:002009-06-28T04:48:43.071-07:00I was surprised at how poorly I took the death of ...I was surprised at how poorly I took the death of my dog. I totally understand the grief and how some people have no grasp of their insensitivity.tornwordohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16581361982939423598noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-18527555397750555682009-06-28T03:09:42.846-07:002009-06-28T03:09:42.846-07:00Haven't had a cat in over two decades because ...Haven't had a cat in over two decades because the loss is so tremendous. Totally understand where you're coming from.Roger Owen Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05298172138307632062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-85288133244294462452009-06-27T21:13:49.802-07:002009-06-27T21:13:49.802-07:00I now have a cat, the first cat I've had as an...I now have a cat, the first cat I've had as an adult. My eyes are opened. I love my little fuzz-butt kitty.<br /><br />I'm so sorry for your loss. Truly.Javahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17377033663576614925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-27168156093141311002009-06-27T20:59:19.383-07:002009-06-27T20:59:19.383-07:00I got to meet David Sedaris last fall, and one of ...I got to meet David Sedaris last fall, and one of the things he said he hates is when people say, "My pet is my child." I realized that he's right - pets are so much easier and don't usually wreck the car while running around with their buddies - but at the same time, they've each got their own personality and worm their way into your affections in a different way. <br /><br />I won't say I don't play favorites among the bunch. My little dog is absolutely and utterly devoted to me, and I am, therefore, to him. But I do love them all, even my one remaining step-kitty, who will be a hot tranny mess until the day she dies.<br /><br />I guess my point is that they're a part of your life, and it's right to mourn them. And anyone who says differently deserves a bitch slap.Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18047049720897209506noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-20814417077725483212009-06-27T20:37:10.369-07:002009-06-27T20:37:10.369-07:00first, I'm shocked by some of these comments. ...first, I'm shocked by some of these comments. Empathy is hard for some people but I thought we all knew basic things to say or not say. <br /><br />yet, reading thru your list I was reminded that one of my closest friends called when Michael Jackson died completely unhinged, when I reminded her that today was the day my dog went in to have grapefruit sized cancer removed and that I needed to keep the main line free in case the vet called, all she said was "oh" and then tried to keep talking. She was actually annoyed when I said "seriously, I'm getting off the phone."<br /><br />It's good that you can place these moments in a context that makes it easier to deal with people who have disappointed in the future. I'm looking at this post and trying to do the same. Often when ppl don't seem to get it, I liken it to if they had cancer or if their pet had cancer and try to get them to see it through those eyes. It just depends how much energy you have to engage them, how much you want to try and give them a context they can relate to for understanding after they've unintentionally caused hurt.<br /><br />Please know that all our love is with you right now. Try to focus on the joy he brought and not the emptiness of the house. & even if it feels like no one gets it, grieve as long as you need. you and your cat both deserve that.susurronoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-14281683236603073722009-06-27T20:15:19.605-07:002009-06-27T20:15:19.605-07:00Oy. Some people.
I'm so sorry about your cat ...Oy. Some people.<br /><br />I'm so sorry about your cat (and about missing the update until now). We had to put our own orange tabby to sleep last November and it was terrible. They leave a hole much bigger than you'd think such small animals could.New Kid on the Hallwayhttp://newkidonthehallway.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-49514211202879190832009-06-27T20:13:19.801-07:002009-06-27T20:13:19.801-07:00i'm so sorry. losing a friend, whether human ...i'm so sorry. losing a friend, whether human or with four feet, is painful and difficult to adjust to.dykewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17776768691386493709noreply@blogger.com