tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post8090120905703440772..comments2024-03-22T02:57:20.853-07:00Comments on Center of Gravitas: ¡Por Fin!GayProfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11289510184782252498noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-53438212432173608312007-05-15T12:32:00.000-07:002007-05-15T12:32:00.000-07:00Maria: My only recommendation is to buy in an area...<B>Maria:</B> My only recommendation is to buy in an area that is desirable.<BR/><BR/><B>Witchtrivets:</B> I feel less bitter.<BR/><BR/><B>Tenured Radical:</B> Thanks for the suggestion. Don't get me wrong, I don't think selling the house is some type of magic bullet. Still, I have been working through most of the negative feelings for the past year.<BR/><BR/><B>PG:</B> A Texas friend has a saying: The Karmic wheel grinds slow, but it grinds fine.<BR/><BR/><B>Les:</B> One would have expected that the person living in the house would be the only one to pay the mortgage. That would be fair and logical, but he was neither. I could have (and thought about) taking legal action in that regard, but didn't want the hassle. It's just another example of just what a self-centered, entitled, shithead he was.<BR/><BR/>Okay, so maybe I am still a bit bitter.GayProfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11289510184782252498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-84821336983306530342007-05-14T15:06:00.000-07:002007-05-14T15:06:00.000-07:00congratulations on selling the house!Upon my own u...congratulations on selling the house!<BR/><BR/>Upon my own unhappy breakup, I found out that the occupier of the house can be made solely responcible for the morgage, at least in California. Alas, I was the sole occupier as my evil ex moved overseas and busily drained our joint bank account in deep overdraft . . . the one we both agreed not to touch while it paid the morgage and we worked out our division of assets.<BR/><BR/>I worked really hard at trying to lose the anger, but obviously, it's still there. The thing is that I think I can do better in the future. I will pick better people and I will protect my assets, etc. Live and learn.<BR/><BR/>The thing about anger, bitterness, regrets and the like is that it's what makes us human. If we didn't have it, we'd be aufully boring.Charles Céleste Hutchinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18123138871494922485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-42335485146175267132007-05-09T13:39:00.000-07:002007-05-09T13:39:00.000-07:00You'll get the intrusive reminders for longer than...You'll get the intrusive reminders for longer than you'd like, but they'll eventually go away like a long ago memory of food poisoning. <BR/><BR/>What goes around will come around for him in direct/indirect ways. You'll know you've let go when you realize you stopped caring about that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-37356587897972486052007-05-09T12:52:00.000-07:002007-05-09T12:52:00.000-07:00Dearest GayProf: Your biggest mistake in all of t...Dearest GayProf: Your biggest mistake in all of this was not taking your cue from Mildred Pierce. You could have skipped over the part about building a Pie Empire.<BR/><BR/>Selling the house is a huge step, I agree, but my guess is that theswe feelings will continue to keep roaring back. Would I be wrong that Liar Ex (Who Told Many Lies) was not the first person in your life to betray you? <BR/><BR/>I highly recommend a book by Janis Spring called After the Affair which really helped me a lot in a similar situation. The only problem is that, like all pop-psych books that aren't about "adjusting" to being queer in a cruel, cruel world, it is aimed at straight folk. But you can extrapolate pretty well.<BR/><BR/>Good luck with the healing -- and your upcoming move.<BR/><BR/>TRTenured Radicalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05703980598547163290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-77592069122645570692007-05-09T09:04:00.000-07:002007-05-09T09:04:00.000-07:00Congratulations on selling the house. I know how ...Congratulations on selling the house. I know how miserable it is to have a house on the market, but can only imagine how much worse it is to have a Liar Ex living in that house. I am feel relieved for you. And the bitterness level seems lower already.witchtrivetshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01963661634721637924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-64597275387551677412007-05-08T20:33:00.000-07:002007-05-08T20:33:00.000-07:00damn, that sucks. i'm debating buying a house/cond...damn, that sucks. i'm debating buying a house/condo while in grad school (because clearly i will be alone FOREVER and need to start owning property so that i can have better furneral arrangements then just my cats' digestive tracts), and am really wary of it. it seems like a really easy to get screwed over by the market.Mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10672506269191008818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-50483446259390932562007-05-08T20:06:00.000-07:002007-05-08T20:06:00.000-07:00Steven: I hope that you are one of the people who ...<B>Steven:</B> I hope that you are one of the people who has a good (or at least not negative) vision of your ex.<BR/><BR/><B>Pacalaga:</B> I am all about new drinks -- especially ones involving tequila!<BR/><BR/><B>Atari Age:</B> Fuck John and all derivations of that name.<BR/><BR/><BR/><B>Chad, II:</B> It's a good story.<BR/><BR/><B>Gayborhood Gringo:</B> I heard a theory that it takes half the time of the relationship to mend from its destruction. That seems like a depressing statistic (4 years!).<BR/><BR/><B>Helen the Felon:</B> I did mean Shitdigit -- but that required a great deal of exposition. Perhaps a future entry...<BR/><BR/><B>Sammuel</B> Guadalupe has never let me down. <BR/><BR/>If I revealed my location, where would the mystery be?<BR/><BR/><B>Marius:</B> It's all about the handling of it for me. Ending a relationship is one thing. He decided, though, to treat me as badly as he could. It seemed like he got some sort of sick ego boost out of seeing me twist in the wind.<BR/><BR/><B>Elizabeth:</B> Not all evolution results in a better organism. Some evolution is a dead end -- kinda like homo neanderthalensis. Or homo assholenis.<BR/><BR/><B>MaggieMay:</B> If it is the Age of GayProf, peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars. Or I will rule with a crushing iron-fist. Whichever...<BR/><BR/><B>Junk Theif:</B> Let me say that I will never buy property jointly again... <BR/><BR/><B>Doug:</B> I have the gladiator outfit ready for you anytime you are ready to start serving.<BR/><BR/><B>Marve:</B> Oh, yeah, I think the assholeness will continue for a long, long time. There is a weird way in which I am soooooo glad that relationship is over. <BR/><BR/><B>Smith:</B> I don't doubt that there are complicated residual emotions. However, I really believe if I met him today as a new person, he would not interest me at all. I doubt he would even register in my long term memory. <BR/><BR/><B>Rebekah:</B> Forgiving and moving on are complicated. I assume what people mean when they say "forgive" is to reach the point of not wishing him harm. Given my ideas of karma, I actually don't wish him harm. That type of negative energy always will come back to you.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, I am not really at the point where I can wish him well, either....<BR/><BR/><B>Red7:</B> I feel where you are going with that. The problem being, though, that when I think of his patheticness, it just makes me angry that I spent so much time with such a loser.GayProfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11289510184782252498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-89120754585779435622007-05-08T19:42:00.000-07:002007-05-08T19:42:00.000-07:00If you really want to forgive but don't know where...If you really want to forgive but don't know where to begin, try starting with condescending thoughts about what a stupid loser he is and from there, try to work up a little sympathy. Be glad you're not a stupid pathetic loser like stupid pathetic Shaun. Once you pity him, the forgiveness thing can start to take hold.<BR/><BR/>Psychiatric Help, 5¢; the psychiatrist is "in"Red Sevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10374428870925284956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-65733325923065459212007-05-08T19:06:00.000-07:002007-05-08T19:06:00.000-07:00Big congrats on the house sale! I'm glad that isn...Big congrats on the house sale! I'm glad that isn't hanging over you any more.<BR/><BR/>And the bitterness? It has a place. I mean, not in every decision you make or conversation you have, but bitterness is sometimes all we have left.<BR/><BR/>I'm not saying this right.<BR/><BR/>Forgiveness is all well and good, but I'm not sure it's necessary. Letting go of things eventually doesn't mean someone is forgiven.<BR/><BR/>You'll work it through. Besides, eight years, pretty much your whole adult life up to the break-up? I think it would take more than a few months to get over that.rhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06980768449046443151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-2959624972668311482007-05-08T16:55:00.000-07:002007-05-08T16:55:00.000-07:00Is it possible, GayProf, that there is more than b...Is it possible, GayProf, that there is more than bitterness deep down?<BR/>8 years is a long time to hold on to such negative feelings. There is an old oriental story in which 2 monks are walking down a path and come upon a young bride who must cross a stream. The older monk picks her up and takes her across, puts her down and they continue on their travels. When they reach their destination the younger monk exclaims to the older that they are not to have contact with women and that he had picked up the young bride.<BR/>The older one said, "Yes, I also put her down on the other side of the stream; you seem to still be carrying her."smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15720004153227902812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-51179303764527145852007-05-08T16:52:00.000-07:002007-05-08T16:52:00.000-07:00Congrats! And many cups o' mead in commiseration o...Congrats! And many cups o' mead in commiseration over loser exes. It is not petty at all to want to never speak to Liar Ex again. As you said, he was an asshole. Probability favors him continuing to be an asshole of some stripe for several years yet, perhaps indefinitely. Why deal with that at all?CThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07579455990111705543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-6469234051790978332007-05-08T16:10:00.000-07:002007-05-08T16:10:00.000-07:00Please please please don't let this horrific exper...Please please please don't let this horrific experience with LE(WTML) weigh down your dreams. You're free, the anchor is cut loose, so it's time to celebrate, to cry for catharsis instead of pain, to take a few days off and do something you've always wanted to do but never did, to wander around downtown Boston giving random people dollar bills, something just plain wacky. Maybe spend an entire weekend in the library doing research on something you always wanted to learn. I don't know.<BR/><BR/>Or, go to the store, buy a large bag of M&M's, and imagine me feeding them to you. Which I will do if we ever get a chance to meet.<BR/><BR/>Many Heartfelt Congratulations on selling the house. I am tearfully happy for you.Doughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14065042871216479832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-62530389423731257042007-05-08T15:53:00.000-07:002007-05-08T15:53:00.000-07:00Egads. I lived almost the same scenario from 1999...Egads. I lived almost the same scenario from 1999 - 2001. Only instead of saying "I've evolved" he said "I think it's time we had an honest relationship." <BR/><BR/>Fortunately we didn't co-own. I was the single name on the mortgage. The parasite moved on to a new host. I've learned that there's no sweeter lover than Bay Area equity.Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13051974174001458812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-77503660363800419662007-05-08T05:26:00.000-07:002007-05-08T05:26:00.000-07:00Congratulations, truly, on selling the house. It ...Congratulations, truly, on selling the house. It is the dawning of the Age of the Gayprof!Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03047700345491098393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-53895848752823043012007-05-07T22:40:00.000-07:002007-05-07T22:40:00.000-07:00Wow, liar ex really was a jerk, your vivid descrip...Wow, liar ex really was a jerk, your vivid description makes them the person I hate so much in a reality show I walk out when the come on. "Evolve this!" I would fantasize (only I can never think of a good dramatic action to go with it except mooning, which sort of negates the witty retort).<BR/><BR/>Seems to me your only since was being a romantic, trying to make a difference in a neighborhood, being attracted to a survivor house and thinking you would be something that you fantasized about. Not the worse thing to be really, a dreamer who commits themselves to their dreams. Didn't work out that time - you are free now - huzzah! House sold! Ex must continue as lying loser without ever genuinely evolving...plus, maybe still in Texas (now THERE is a punishment). Time for new dreams?Elizabeth McClunghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03627373214555333537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-12622039770317602232007-05-07T20:28:00.000-07:002007-05-07T20:28:00.000-07:00Shaun sounds like a real asshole. As they say, tim...Shaun sounds like a real asshole. As they say, time heals all wounds. I guess people handle this sort of thing differently, and I understand why you don't ever want to see him again. I hate when bad things happen to good people. I wish you the best!Mariushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14606970820680869047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-32148410676247387212007-05-07T16:46:00.000-07:002007-05-07T16:46:00.000-07:00thank la virgen indeed. i have a tat of her on my...thank <I>la virgen</I> indeed. i have a tat of her on my forearm.<BR/><BR/>also what small tx town was your <I>casita</I> in? or should i say <I>casona</I>?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-23285416569106062902007-05-07T14:07:00.000-07:002007-05-07T14:07:00.000-07:00I think you meant, "Fuck you, Shitdigit." Yes?I'm...I think you meant, "Fuck you, Shitdigit." Yes?<BR/><BR/>I'm proud of you, pumpkin. Fuck Shaun, fuck Texas, fuck that stupid house, and fuck being friends with exes who stabbed you, literally and/or figuratively.<BR/><BR/>Mostly Shaun, though.Helen the Felonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07363440683936148527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-39631916068533990332007-05-07T11:41:00.000-07:002007-05-07T11:41:00.000-07:00what a relief i'm sure that is. i still remember ...what a relief i'm sure that is. i still remember the moment i was able to sever all ties w/ my ex. the feelings of ill will still linger, but not as much. those will eventually subside.gayborhood gringohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00652000638571071171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-10380669072002494472007-05-07T10:17:00.000-07:002007-05-07T10:17:00.000-07:00Oh, did I already tell you that one? Sorry, I gue...Oh, did I already tell you that one? Sorry, I guess I just love sharing it.VintageSpandexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10174098020865648455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-33878532519900914782007-05-07T09:54:00.000-07:002007-05-07T09:54:00.000-07:00Yipee! Happy Dance!!!You know I understand how lo...Yipee! Happy Dance!!!<BR/><BR/>You know I understand how long these feelings will linger. <BR/><BR/>The more horrible the treatment, the longer is rankles inside. <BR/><BR/>But, yeah, breaking all the bonds to that person is probably going to benefit you greatly over the next few months. So, YAY!!! And yeah, fuck Shaun. And John, for that matter. Fuck all Shauns and Johns, I say!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-22427540415399253622007-05-07T09:47:00.000-07:002007-05-07T09:47:00.000-07:00Congratulations, dude, that has to be the best fee...Congratulations, dude, that has to be the best feeling. A toast to you: May you always be movin' on up, and may Shaun suffer cock roaches and crotch rot wherever he may be.<BR/><BR/>And also, I think we should invent a drink and name it a Respiste. It should have tequila. That is maybe my favorite typo ever.pacalagahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12498703982601315908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-81974239526642215022007-05-07T09:31:00.000-07:002007-05-07T09:31:00.000-07:00I hope that the selling of the house is the closin...I hope that the selling of the house is the closing chapter with your ex and that the bitterness only gets sweeter as time goes on. You deserve it. Thank you for sharing. It definitely has put some things into perspective as to what I went through with the "ex."Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15460856009625389973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-65849040400184946762007-05-07T08:30:00.000-07:002007-05-07T08:30:00.000-07:00StinkyLuLu: Probably the post could have just been...<B>StinkyLuLu:</B> Probably the post could have just been reduced to the tags.<BR/><BR/><B>Adjunct Whore:</B> Yeah, I can see the closure bit. Every monthly transfer for the mortgage was a bad reminder of the past.<BR/><BR/><B>VUBOQ:</B> None of us deserve to live with a liar ex (who tells many lies). We are simply worth more than that. Keep that in mind.<BR/><BR/><B>Andrey:</B> My spelling and proofreading skills are notoriously bad. I am hoping for respite as well.<BR/><BR/><B>Jaclyn:</B> Yeah, I feel what you are putting down. The best option is to simply not think about him at all.<BR/><BR/><B>ROG:</B> I think that there was a point where the relationship could have ended and it wouldn't have been so acrimonious. Liar Ex (Who Told Many Lies) did not opt for that strategy.<BR/><BR/><B>Marlan:</B> Three payments left sounds like a remarkable gift. Ugh -- I couldn't even imagine having this type of thing drawn out for more years.<BR/><BR/><B>Earl:</B> I hope that my next ex and I have a better relationship after we break up... <BR/><BR/><B>Frank:</B> Though a bit late in other ways, you are right that the timing is great for moving to the University of the Midwest. It's just a huge relief.<BR/><BR/><B>DykeWife:</B> Yeah, the "my enemy is your enemy" thing is really hard to resist. I tried not to push mutual friends in one direction or another. That's really difficult, though, when your feelings have been hurt so deeply.<BR/><BR/><B>Hello, My Name is Danny:</B> Fortunately, my gravitas is collapsible so I take it everywhere that I go.<BR/><BR/><B>Jeremy:</B> I thought about alternatively naming this post "Tale of the Ancient GayProf."<BR/><BR/><B>Chad:</B> Is this the story that involved a corpse?<BR/><BR/><B>TornWordo:</B> Yeah, I also feel what you are putting down. Forgiving, though, won't require me to talk to him in any form, right? <BR/><BR/><B>Maria:</B> Money? There was basically no money from the sell of the house. Let me say again what a bad, bad, bad choice I made in that purchase.<BR/><BR/><BR/><B>Cooper:</B> Well, not dead. The witch is just out of my life.<BR/><BR/>Send me your cleaning bill for the coffee stains.GayProfhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11289510184782252498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16010478.post-61265076789355044932007-05-07T07:31:00.000-07:002007-05-07T07:31:00.000-07:00Yay, the witch is dead! That last line made me spi...Yay, the witch is dead! <BR/><BR/>That last line made me spit my coffee.<BR/><BR/>Perfect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com