Come August, I can say goodbye to the Lone Star State for at least a year. The goddess has granted me a respite, but I hope she will consider finding me something permanent elsewhere (and by elsewhere, I mean better than Texas – No zombie-monkey-paw wish fulfilments that move me to Mississippi or Arkansas).
Regardless of the cosmos’ plans, I think it is healthy to take stock in what I will miss and won’t miss from Texas. Like that cable news network, GayProf believes in being fair and balanced:
What I will Miss: My friends here. Many people have been truly kind an nice to me the past four years. I appreciate that.
What I won’t Miss: Colleagues who discuss little flags on maps; their attempts to eliminate the department’s non-discrimination clause; and any mention of my progress towards tenure.
What I Will Miss: Blue Bell Ice Cream – Damn, that’s pretty good. As a side note, I will also miss HEB’s (a Texas supermarket chain) Mango Ice Cream. Actually, I will generally miss HEB and its insane grocery-supplying goodness.
What I Won’t Miss: The fight at the gym to work off all that ice cream and grocery goodness.
What I Will Miss: Being in a state that borders Mexico.
What I Won’t Miss: Being in a state where the majority of Euro Americans refuse to consider Mexicans, Native Americans, or African Americans’ human rights.
What I Will Miss: Hearing that cute, sexy accent from a hunky gay Texan.
What I Won’t Miss: Hearing that shrill, grating accent from a backwater hetero Baptist Texan.
What I Will Miss: My kick-ass office. Yeah, I have a sweet corner-deal on the top floor of my building. The History Department also resides in an older building, so there are giant windows.
What I Won’t Miss: The roach infestation that has taken over that older building. This morning, I found four dead cockroaches (each a minimum two inches long) and two living cockroaches.
What I Will Miss: Paying insanely small amounts for tons of living space.
What I Won’t Miss: Being trapped in pre-fab 1970s apartment hell.
What I Will Miss: The feeling of community among lefty folk who are under siege in this god-forsaken state (Yes, God actually forsook it.)
What I Won’t Miss: Gerrymandering.
What I Will Miss: Willie Nelson and his pot-smoking ways.
What I Won't Miss: Rick Perry and his evil homophobic ways.
What I Will Miss: Living in a town where I can drive anywhere in under ten minutes and encounter almost no traffic.
What I Won’t Miss: Driving period.
What I Will Miss: Earnest students.
What I Won’t Miss: Hateful, right-wing students.
What I Will Miss: Never having to scrap ice from windshields (though Boston’s public transportation will likely make this moot anyway).
What I Won’t Miss: The blazing intolerable heat that lasts from April until November. I can’t totally confirm this, but I think my fingernails actually started to melt today.
What I will Miss: Spring wild-flowers in Texas, including Blue Bells. They are really spectacular as you drive along the highways. In the early Spring this year, I made a couple of trips to Houston and was reminded that Spring (the single month that we get of it) is the best time to be in Texas.
What I Won’t Miss: The blazing intolerable heat that lasts from April until November. Yeah, I hate it so much, I listed it twice.
What I Will Miss: Being part of a university community.
What I Won’t Miss: Being in a town with only two movie theaters, both showing Over the Hedge on fourteen screens.
What I Will Miss: Being able to excuse my heavy consumption of deep-fried foods as “sampling the local cuisine.”
What I Won’t Miss: The local cuisine.
What I Will Miss: Having almost year-round optimal picture-taking conditions outside.
What I Won’t Miss: Having almost nothing that I want to photograph.
What I Will Miss: Watching semi-naked and buff joggers prancing about all year.
What I Won’t Miss: Giant, aluminum churches that can seat over 5,000 conservative Christians in one go.
What I Will Miss: Having an airport where you can clear security five minutes before your flight departs.
What I Won’t Miss: Living in a state where it took a civil war to end slavery.
What I Will Miss: Living in a state that borders the Great State of New Mexico (the Land of Enchantment, don’t you know?).
What I Won’t Miss: Living in a state with suck-ass “Tex-Mex” Mexican food. Ugh, the suck haunts me already (The exception to this is the Mexican food served in the Rio Grande Valley, which is excellent (especially the mole dishes)).
What I Will Miss: Almost never having to wait in line, ever.
What I Won’t Miss: Seeing Margaritas dispensed from a Slurpee machine (a crime against tequila and good bartending everywhere, IMHO).
What I Will Miss: The LBJ Presidential Library.
What I Won’t Miss: The George Bush (41) Presidential Library.
What I Will Miss: Having so much to complain about and such easy targets for my blog.
What I Won’t Miss: Living in Texas.
Yeah, I tried to make this post suggest that I am going to miss things about Texas. Mostly I want people to think that I am a reasonable person and can see the good in everything. Really, though, I am not going to miss much about red, red Texas while I am in blue, blue Boston.
Perhaps, though, my gravitas will seem more appealing in cartoon form. A loyal reader (known only to me as Rat) thoughtfully created this rendering of me. Should you want to ask: Yes, I do wear that tiara while I am vacuuming: