Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Pour Me Another, GayProf!

Over the next couple of weeks, I have a variety of things to celebrate. Summer school will soon end. I booked my tickets to return to Paradise Island New Mexico in early July. Time in New Mexico means that I can talk with family and do some partying with my buddy Danny.

Also, the U.S. Supreme Court acknowledged that Texas needs to fix its voting map to re-franchise Latino voters. Of course, the court did not bother to clarify if the map needed to be redrawn before November’s elections. Nor did the court really strike down gerrymandering in general. Heck, though, with this court I will celebrate any small victory.

Superman Returns also opens, which promises a minor diversion. Like many within my age bracket, the first Superman movie proved formative to my early consciousness. Indeed, I had only ever seen one other movie in the theater before Superman (Star Wars, fyi). In a highly unusual event, my father took me to see the first man-of-steel movie all by myself. Even as a very young lad, I knew that he did not particularly enjoy spending time with me one-on-one. So, having him actually take me to a movie without my sisters really stood out. It’s kind of a bitter-sweet memory thing. You know, the human-side of GayProf.

Annnyway, all that aside, my blog also recently passed the 50,000 visitor mark, which makes me celebrate as well. Blogging has been great because I have met lots of folk I would not have otherwise encountered. I love you all!

How do we celebrate such an event at the Center of Gravitas? By drinking, of course! Well, at least that is when we are not abusing pharmies instead.

When my little bloggy hit 5,000, I created the first version of the COG Drinking Game. It seemed only fair to launch the Center of Gravitas Drinking Game, 2.0 at 50,000. This time around, let’s bring out the Belvedere vodka. It will make it easier for you to ignore that, at 50,000 visitors, I also seem to be out of original ideas for this blog. Hell, by the time you finish with this game, you really won’t care or remember what blog you are reading!

Set ‘em up and take a meander through the archives and see how often you spot the following:

    Take one drink for every use of the word “mediocre.”

    Take one drink for every mention of my impending departure from Texas.

    Take two drinks for every time that I acknowledge that there are at least some redeemable elements in Texas.

    Take three drinks if you think that I am insincere in my acknowledging those redeemable elements in Texas.

    Take one drink for every mention of Mr.Clean and his gay, gay ways.

    Take two drinks if you know that Mr. Clean's name in Germany is "Mr. Proper."

    Take one drink for every mention of Xanex.

    Take two drinks if you think that I might have a dependency problem with Xanex. In my defense, though, I will point out that you are playing a drinking game based on a blog. So, if I have to get treatment, so do you.

    Take one drink for each time I make allusions to New Mexico being the Land of Enchantment.

    Take two drinks if you think this blog is secretly financed by New Mexico’s Tourism and Publicity Office.

    Take two drinks for every appearance of the phrase “progress towards tenure.”

    Take one drink for every complaint about teaching summer school.

    Take three drinks for every time that I mention a slightly disturbing fantasy involving queer sailors.

    Take one drink for every reference to César Chávez.

    Take three drinks for any entry with the words “Job Search” in the title.

    Take one drink for every time I make reference to my liar ex and the many lies he told.

    Take two drinks if you think that I make reference to my liar ex (who told many lies) just a bit too much at this point.

    Take three drinks for every time that either Flash and/or Green Lantern appear on a comic cover with Wonder Woman.

    Take one drink for every time that I mention watching vintage gay porn is allegedly part of my job -- allegedly.

    Take one drink for every mention of a penis or slang that refers to a penis.

    Take two drinks for every mention of a vagina (I can’t be certain, but I don’t think that I ever use slang for vaginas).

    Take one drink each time that I declare myself the most desirable man on the blogosphere.

    Take two drinks if you think that I really am the most desirable man on the blogosphere.

    Take one drink for each time that I base my adult-life decisions on lessons learned from a 1970s television show (like Charlie’s Angels).

    Take two drinks if it seems like I am having a hard time distinguishing between myself and Diana Prince.

    Take two drinks for each time my sidebar indicated that I stalked a dead man.

    Take one drink for every time I post a picture of me for seemingly no reason.

    Take two drinks for every picture of me that has appeared on this blog more than once (I actually have basically three digital pictures of me total that I just keep recycling).

    Take three drinks if you have yet to see my picture and think that I really do look like Wonder Woman in real life.

    Take three drinks for every time I lust after some muscle car.

    Take one drink each time that I hear voices in my head.

    Take two drinks if you now hear voices in your head.

    Super Bonus Round: Fragments of obscure song lyrics still hide in many of my entries. To this date, only Gay Erasmus has ever called me on it in the comments. When you find those lyrics, you can drink however-the-hell much that you want to drink.

Remember, after playing this game, drink two full glasses of water and take two asprin before going to bed. Never, ever, blog and drive.


tornwordo said...

Did you count how many drinks are possible? Can you say blotto? Lol.

MEK the Bear said...

Ish love I have for you with penissesss… musscle BEARS, not caers… Gay*hic*Prof RULES!! WONDER WOMAN FOREVER! *clank* *thud* *snore*

GayProf said...

Count what is possible? Oh, Torn, I expect people to pass-out or die from alcohol poisoning long before they get to the end of the game.

See? MEK has the right attitude. Could somebody make sure to turn him on his side, though?

Marlan said...

I needed another drink when I saw that Dart Sport Rallye. I nearly choked on that stick shift.

chiron said...

I'm good for two drinks after ten, but then I'm a midnight mess.

Anonymous said...

That's a lot of hits in a short time. Apparently the world needed a hero. Congrats.

Roger Owen Green said...

hvjdghhbefjkdvhukyurjbfvhkfbryryugfnbfxgbnfjxfxmbfnf,cb jbfnvkffn

(I can't drink and type)

vuboq said...

Yay! An[other] excuse to drink at work, since I can't read blogs at home! AND, there's a likker store right next door! Woo hoo! It's going to be a GOOD DAY!

Alan said...

I plan on spending most of the weekend drinking, so though I won't have an internet hookup in the wilds of the Michigan outback, at least a few of those drinks will be to celebrate your 50000 visitor mark.

Earl Cootie said...

Wooo-hoooo! Cheers!

Elizabeth McClung said...

Some of these are self fulfilling prophecies - like by the time I hit 40 drinks, you ARE the most desireable man on the planet and by the time I hit 60 drinks, I am hearing voices, and seeing visions - I think they are aliens clad in dark blue beaming messages into my brain like: "Watch out, she's going to vomit on you.", "Why does she keep mumbling 'gayprof', that some sort of nightclub?", "Hospital, station house or detox?"

Happy 50,000!

Anonymous said...

But I'm a teetotaler!

Sfrajett said...

Wow. You had me at "Xanex."

Helen the Felon said...

You are the cutest little enabler I ever had.

Because you never use slang words for "vagina," let me do it for you, so as to facilitate additional drinking on the part of your legion of readers (myself included):


Three's my limit. Don't worry honey, I'll take a cab home. (If I bang the driver, it's totally your fault.)

dykewife said...

i can't drink that much water at a go, let alone booze! my goodness! oh, and about that porn guy, it's always amazed me that wearing a baggie on his gentials made it more acceptable. all it ends up looking like is that the man from glad has a weird view of leftovers...

Dorian said...

Admit it. You're just trying to get me drunk so that I'll lower my inhibitions...

GayProf said...

Dorian: Are you feeling inhibited? Just relax and go with the flow.

Here, now, let me pour you another drink. Perhaps you should loosen up that shirt collar and recline yourself.

goblinbox said...

Ahem. It's Xanax, not Xanex. C'mon, hon, spell your pills right. ;-)

Oh, wait, maybe you're spelling it wrong on purpose! Like, to reduce search engine hits? Or 'cause you're funny? Or 'cause that's how Wonder Woman spells it? Damn. Now I feel stupid.

P.S. I love vodka. Mmm, vodka. *hic* Wait, was I talking?

GayProf said...

GoblinBox: Nope, I just can't spell. Instead of learning that skill as a child, I mastered the Bewitched nose twitch instead.

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