Monday, January 14, 2008

GayProf's Limited Vote

Up until this point, I have largely avoided writing about the various presidential candidates. Acknowledging them only encourages them. Alas, tomorrow my state has its primary.

Your ol’friend GayProf feels quite frustrated by his options in the primary. You see, officials in my state moved up the date of their primary because they desired to be relevant. Silly Midwest – The rusting factories and crushing unemployment should have long ago indicated that the empire has abandoned you.

The Democratic Party responded by “punishing” my state for moving up its primary. My state's delegates will not be permitted to participate at the Democratic convention. Moreover, many of the top Democratic candidates refused to put themselves on my state's ballot.

So, I am left with the option of casting a vote, which has already been explicitly stated won’t count, for a candidate for whom I don’t want to vote. Way to empower the people, Democrats! You suck.

The Democratic Party has decided that I, as a voter, need not weigh in on the decision between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton . Nope – Obama isn’t even on the ballot (which won't be counted anyway). I can vote for Clinton, however (but it won't count).

Maybe I am just bitter because my choice for the Democratic Party was already out of the race (not that I could have voted for him anyway because, guess what?, not on the ballot in my state). Who was that? Bill Richardson. A Latino from New Mexico who, despite one or two major gaffs, has a basically good track record on gay issues? Yeah, it was a real mystery who I would have supported.

Think I might solve my voting problem by writing in my selected candidate? Nope. The rules for write-in candidates for the primary in my state are extremely narrow, meaning my vote would simply be discarded instantly (rather than later by the Democratic Party).

My state has offered that I could vote in the Republican Primary instead. Gee, thanks. I would rather eat a bowl of hot glass than vote for any of the candidates in the Republican Party – under any circumstances.

Those who think McCain is an “independent thinker” or a person of principles, let me just remind you of this:

Let's see what eight years of Republican mismanagement and greed have given us: the nation’s economy is in shambles, we are mired in an unwinnable war, the military is over extended, and our global reputation shot. As far as I am concerned, there shouldn’t even be a Republican Party. Running for President? The Republican Party doesn't deserve to field a candidate as city dog catcher.

Personally, I think that anybody who voted Republican in 2004 owes me cash money. Not only did they legitimate a coup, but they have really lowered each person's standard of living. Their greed or hatred (whichever pitiful motive they had for voting Republican) has cost this nation, and us as individuals, a great deal. Now it's time for them to pay up.

Before the Republicans took over, my U.S. dollar used to be worth €1.27. Today, one U.S. dollar is worth €0.67. By my calculations, therefore, the dumbasses who voted Republican owe me around $38,400. I would prefer, though, if they paid that to me in Euros. I am not sure those dollars are going to be around much longer.

If they aren’t willing to give me cash, they could always pay me in gasoline. In 2000, it was considered unusually high to pay $1.43/gallon. Now I am lucky if I find someplace to fill up for under $3.00. Bush’s oil cronies, on a completely unrelated matter, have been reporting record profits every year that he has been in office.

When I drive up to the local Shell station, there should be a Republican voter there in overalls waiting to fill my tank. And, just because of that whole Larry Craig nonsense, they should wash my windshield too.

We should start requiring anybody who wants to vote Republican to bring their Mastercharge card with them to the polls. You want to trash the nation because of your xenophobia? Okay – but it’s gonna cost you. You think that you have the right to prevent two men from getting married? Alright, but we are going to need a cashier’s check from your local bank. Voting for Huckabee? I hope you have a gold card.


tornwordo said...

Yeah, I'm pretty glad I converted my dollars back in 2000 when I moved up here. Had I waited until today, I'd have lost half of it.

vuboq said...

Sorry you've been disenfranchised :-( I shall drink a martini tonight in memory of your lost vote.

I need to start researching my local candidates. My county is so heavily democratic that the primary is pretty much the election.

adjunct whore said...

i'm stupified by the democrats--they continue to f*** up at seemingly every turn. and *god* help us if the evangelical vote gets its way.

Antonio said...

I don't get why the DNC would be so angry about a state moving up its vote. Yeah I guess it's kind of dirty (although the primaries are so, but shut them out the voting process completely?

And people who voted Republican SHOULD suffer. Dumbasses.

Maggie said...

Have I mentioned lately how much I love you, GayProf? Because I do love you. GayProf for President!

(As an aside, will you please go and vote "uncommitted"? I know the Dems screwed your state, but can't you please do you part to stop the Clintonians??)

Earl Cootie said...

I remember when some of the candidates pulled out of MI because of the earlier date, and I wondered how that was going to pan out. But now I know. That is so wrong.

Our primary votes are "just for fun" too. Until 1988, our delegates were chosen by caucus. Now we have both caucus and primary election, but our party chiefs "retain the authority to decide if they will use the Presidential Primary to allocate delegates to the national nominating conventions."

pacalaga said...

I suppose you can always go republican and vote for the least likely candidate.
I can't vote in my primary at all - I registered independent (which, at the time I thought naively meant "undecided") and haven't changed it, and we don't get to vote in the primaries. I'm not sure it matters where I am. I have the unique "honor" of having Jon Kyl as my rep. Sigh.

Cooper said...

Try as I will, I have no understanding of your voting system. I totally understand your view of republicans, though. I think they should have a Project Runway system: the ugliest, poorly made dress is voted off ... gone ... bye-bye. And You can be Heidi telling them all to leave the runway.

Alan said...

There's always the option of voting for the Republican you'd most like to see the Democrats run against. :) Voting for the Democrats in this primary is a total waste of time, but voting for a Republican could be fun. 'Specially with Romney and McCain neck and neck here. :)

Anonymous said...

Just as I finally got my head around the US primaries system, they go and do this. But I generally have an incredibly misanthropic view of politicians in any case

Doug said...

Our election system is fubar. The people no longer matter other than for show. "See, we let everyone vote. Their votes don't count, it's difficult to register to vote, they still have to work on election day, the system is so complex and misdirected that their votes don't really mean anything, but they can vote."

Our country is headed toward a dark era.

Chad said...

I was tempted to vote for Huckabee in the Republican primary since the Conventional Wisdom is that Huckabee wouldn't stand a chance. However, I don't think we can rely on Americans not to carry an out-and-out theocrat into the White House, to say the least.

Roger Green said...

Lots of Dems are voting for Romney, I hear, as they want to keep the race in limbo as long as possible. If I were there, I'd vote for Kucinich (who is on the ballot) for spite. Do you REALLY think the DNC, at the end of the day, will qactually not seat the folks there and the ones in FL, the "rules" notwithstanding?

Anonymous said...

I really don't get American elections.

David said...

So you live in Michigan? Wow, I was really off on my guess.

GayProf said...

Torn: I wish that I had converted some money into Euros when they were first introduced. It would have paid off better interest than any savings account at a bank.

VUBOQ: It must be nice to live in a solid Democratic zone. Even at the best of times, my state is a "battleground."

Adjunct Whore: The Democrats really annoy me. I will gladly vote for any of them, though, to get rid of the thousand-time worse Republicans.

Maggie:Have I mentioned lately how much I love you, GayProf? Because I do love you..

You have, but not nearly enough.

Earl: Yeah, it's nice that the political parties think so little of the voters. What a great nation.

Pacalaga: At least my current state doesn't "lock" you into only one party for the primary. Of course, the votes don't actually count...

Cooper:Try as I will, I have no understanding of your voting system. .

Then it sounds like you are already on the road to being a typical American.

Alan: But I don't want either McCain or Romney. If either won, I couldn't live with myself.

Baron: The primaries are terrible. Our nation needs serious reform. Could you petition the UN?

Our country is headed toward a dark era.

Headed??! You mean it is going to get worse? Where did I put that bourbon?

Chad: Many U.S. voters willing installed somebody who was clearly incompetent and war hungry in the past elections. Why wouldn't they vote for a crazed fundamentalist?

ROG: If this was a bluff by the DNC, then Obama and Edwards got played. They should never have taken their name off the ballot.

Let's Kill a Saturday Night: You're not missing anything.

David: Well, only my hairdresser knows for sure... My "real" identity has been exposed twice in the past week. I am really lousy at this secret keeping stuff.

Daddy Cool said...

Speak on it. I've always wondered why Iowa too?

Why not have one big SuperTuesday for everyone where we all vote and it's done.

Alan said...

The problem with a big super tuesday with every state involved is that the small states would likely get ignored. Why bother with Nebraska, if you can spend 4 months in New York, California, and Florida and get all those votes instead?

I like the idea of 2 or 3 primary dates set several weeks apart, with the states in each group split up between big and small states with the number of big states weighted toward the last one, so that the nominee can't really be decided until the final group votes. This would give candidates time to spend in each state. They couldn't depend only on the big states for the nomination. The small states would get their voice, too. But that would make sense, and we don't do things that make sense. :)

bardelf said...

Because he has 'dropped out' of the race, I think that Bill Richardson (who I also really like) is positioning himself to be the Democratic presidential running mate (vice president).
Perhaps a Hillary-Richardson ticket? They get my vote.

baron scarpia said...

Could you petition the UN?

That would assume that the US would listen to the UN. Silly Gayprof!

Steven said...

You could always use my address.

Roger Green said...

Alan- The National Assn of Secretaries of State ( such a plan:

Laverne said...

Okay, I agree with Doug (and you. Of course, always with you, Gayprof).

Where has logic gone? Really? One person, one vote, that's that.

No one will ever change it though, because whomever is in power, got there through these means.