Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Inside the Blogging Studio with VUBOQ

Over the past five years, blogging has allowed me to meet some mighty cool people in real life. On that list is the ever effervescent VUBOQ (not to mention his superfantabulous cuzin who happens to be my superfantabulous neighbor). The time had come for us to sit down for a special holiday spectacular:


VUBOQ: As you all know, GayProf is Full of the Gravitas. However, I am lucky enough to know the GayProf in the Real Life (yay! You may all envy/worship me). And, since I know him in the Real Life, I know that he is not always Full of the Gravitas. Sometimes he is Full of the Light-Heartedness and Fun and, sometimes he can be a little bit silly (especially after a couple of bottles of red wine).

GayProf: Ugh – I was full of the Spanish red. Man, I still have a hangover from your visit.

VUBOQ: So, for this joint post, my goal is to show the rest of Blogtopia this side of the GayProf. We are going to discuss the fun, the frivolous, the sparkly, the glittery, and the tons of f**king sequins.

But, we are going to start with the Food (and the booze!) ...

I had the very good fortune to visit GayProf in Midwestern Funky Town recently (you may have read about it!). During that visit, he taught me and my superfantabulous cuzin how to make tamales. For those of you who don't know, GayProf is from New Mexico, which is not a foreign country (*cough* right *cough*). BUT, they do make foreign food ... like tamales! Normally, the tamales are made with the pork products. Such as pork. and lard. However, GayProf, knowing that I am vegetarian and have eschewed all meat, made his beloved tamales without the pieces of shredded and mutilated dead pig. Our tamales were made with Crisco© (*gasp*) and beans.

GayProf: I still can’t believe that I grew up believing that Crisco© was somehow a healthy alternative to lard. They lied to me! Lard is really the only way to go. It is the secret ingredient to all great Mexican cooking.

VUBOQ: Piglet (no matter how delicious he may be) did not die for our tamales. And they were YUMMERz. Really. Ask the GayProf's Sparkly Contingent of Gays who were at his little dinner party (we'll be discussing the place settings later ... trust me).

GayProf: You’re not going to mock my dishmania, are you?

VUBOQ: Never. I may playfully poke fun, though. Anyway, his willingness to cast aside his love for Cruelly Raised and Brutally Slaughtered Pigs just for my eating preference is yet another reason I totes *heart* the GayProf.

GayProf: It turns out that I was eager to try a tamale alternative to my usual (absurdly delicious) pork filled versions. Beans worked out pretty well. It does make me wonder, though, why Mexican food in general doesn’t get the respect it deserves. To my mind, it is one of the classic world cuisines: easily identifiable and supremely influential. Yet, the only time the mainstream media gives it any credit is if a white boy adopted it (i.e. Bobby Flay or Rick Balis).

VUBOQ: Which brings us to the main point of this section: VEGETARIAN COOKING. It really isn't that difficult. And modifying UberMeaty recipes into something a vegetarian can eat isn't that difficult. Right, GayProf?

GayProf: Vegetarian cooking is hell. It’s only because I adore you so that I even attempt it.

You see, I only know how to make basically six things. Five of them involve meat in some form or another. I was glad that the bean tamales turned out somewhat okay. Otherwise it would have been quiche forever.

VUBOQ: There is nothing wrong with the quiche. Real men eat it, I hear.

GayProf: Don’t get me wrong, I admire the vegetarians (less so the vegans, who just take things too damn far (Hate mail for GayProf can be sent in care of VUBOQ at If I spend anytime thinking about the way animals suffer for our food, it makes me want to be a vegetarian. But, then I don’t think about it. La-la-la-la-la-la – Can’t hear you. I am pretty weak willed when it comes to meat, as it turns out.

Still, I’m not somebody who has to eat meat everyday. I am more than happy to have a basic bean burrito as my meal. Plus, I adore tofu. As I recall, somebody was supposed to give me a cooking lesson with tofu while he visited. **cough-cough**

It does remind me of those faux vegetarians we talked about while you were in MFT. I’ll do my best to accommodate guests who are really committed to vegetarianism (or who have similar religious convictions), but I have no patience for the people who are “vegetarian,” but make exceptions for seafood. What evidence is there that a tuna is somehow less likely to suffer pain and panic than a chicken? Frankly, it seems likely to me that a tuna is probably a bit smarter than chickens. And, as cooking goes, few things are more cruel than lobster and crab. Vegetarians who eat seafood are like people who claim that they are kosher, except they love a side of bacon in a thick cream gravy every now and again. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

VUBOQ: Yes, the fake vegetarians grate on my last nerve. Although, I have found that their calling themselves “vegetarian” is because they don’t know the correct word for their particular eating habits. Fish-eating vegetarians are pescatarians, derived from the Greek root “pesce” meaning “not a vegetarian.” Vegetarians who eat chicken (or any other meat product) are Filthy Dirty Liars.

Haha! I kid. Vegetarians, who sometimes supplement their diets with the flesh of dead animals, are flexitarians. See? You can learn something and still be sparkly and fabulous. Now, go forth and educate the masses!

GayProf: Flexitarians? I thought that was a category on Manhunt.

Tune in tomorrow at VUBOQ's place for the conclusion of our musings.


Tam said...

Lard all the way. Not that I eat lard as a rule, but it's better than frightening Crisco which should only be used to make delicious cookies.

I also never knew they had sequins at Goodwill. Huh. Looking forward to part 2 and much mocking of dishware.

rosmar said...

Hilarious, as usual.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I could see an argument that at least many fish get to live relatively decent lives (up to the terrifying moment of being caught by a hook in the mouth or in a net that drags them to a place they can't breathe), while chickens and cows on factory-farms have horrible lives start to finish.

Also, you made me miss my Grandma's tamales. She only made them for holidays and weddings, but damn, they were good.

Mel said...

Well, if GayProf ever decided to come visit Maine (It *is* Vacationland, after all), I'd be happy to give vegetarian cooking lessons. I'm a regular Jamie Oliver, only without the accent. I was raised on Southern cooking, which has some similarities with comida nueva mexicana in its reliance on meat and lard, so it's really not all that difficult to make the transition.

vuboq said...


vuboq's cousin said...

Quiche? Really? That is your one meatless thing? Because I was sure it was going to be the gimlet. And here I thought I knew you.

MarathonMom said...

Death to fake vegetarians!

MM lives in the land of mexican food, and needs to know, how Mexican is GayProf? Cuz here in Texas, all the Mexicans are like, ohhhh tamales, take lotso time-o. It's hell trying to get a mexican to make you some homemade tamales. IJS! And God forbid, if you asked them to make vegetarian ones? They might burn your house down!!!

Not that I have anything against Mexicans, I have some good friends that are Mexican. Alas, not great friends, cuz they won't make me tamales.

So, maybe GayProf needs to keep that on the down low. Because if he has really good gringo friends in the MN, he needs to make time for them and their tamales.

tornwordo said...

If I had to kill the animals, I would be a vegetarian too. I'm like you with the la la la la can't hear you. Plus, every vegetarian I've ever met IRL has been sickly. I don't want to be sickly.

Mel said...

Torn: You think I'm sickly?

Historiann said...

LOVE that tee-shirt on VUBOQ. Where can I get one?

I've had more cabeza tamales out here than bean ones. (On the rare occasion I eat a veggie tamale, for all of the reasons you note, GayProf.) I guess it all depends on whether or not you can get summer squash in the winter.

Blake said...

Flexetarian! I'm a fan of this word, introduced to me right here. I also never understand why fish-eaters call themselves vegetarians. I understand why they eat the fish: because it's delicious! But then taking the faux high road; I think not.

susurro said...

I missed you (& I am always stalking Annie Lennox)

Carrie#K said...

Carrots have more intellect than chickens.

brian said...

I could see an argument that at least many fish get to live relatively decent lives (up to the terrifying moment of being caught by a hook in the mouth or in a net that drags them to a place they can't breathe), while chickens and cows on factory-farms have horrible lives start to finish

Michelle M. said...

Sequins,Wonder Woman, Vuboq, food... this post has it all!

pacalaga said...

I have all sorts of jealous for the meeting of the VUBOQ and for having all the dishes. Can you believe I don't even have CHRISTMAS dishes?