Remember that Part II of my discussion with VUBOQ can be found here. In this addition, VUBOQ shares his special holiday cocktail recipes. It's like blogging with Martha Stewart. Well, if Martha Stwart were a gay man. What am I saying? "If!"
Over the past five years, blogging has allowed me to meet some mighty cool people in real life. On that list is the ever effervescent VUBOQ (not to mention his superfantabulous cuzin who happens to be my superfantabulous neighbor). The time had come for us to sit down for a special holiday spectacular:
***
VUBOQ: As you all know, GayProf is Full of the Gravitas. However, I am lucky enough to know the GayProf in the Real Life (yay! You may all envy/worship me). And, since I know him in the Real Life, I know that he is not always Full of the Gravitas. Sometimes he is Full of the Light-Heartedness and Fun and, sometimes he can be a little bit silly (especially after a couple of bottles of red wine).
GayProf: Ugh – I was full of the Spanish red. Man, I still have a hangover from your visit.
VUBOQ: So, for this joint post, my goal is to show the rest of Blogtopia this side of the GayProf. We are going to discuss the fun, the frivolous, the sparkly, the glittery, and the tons of f**king sequins.
But, we are going to start with the Food (and the booze!) ...
VUBOQ: Piglet (no matter how delicious he may be) did not die for our tamales. And they were YUMMERz. Really. Ask the GayProf's Sparkly Contingent of Gays who were at his little dinner party (we'll be discussing the place settings later ... trust me).
GayProf: You’re not going to mock my dishmania, are you?
VUBOQ: Never. I may playfully poke fun, though. Anyway, his willingness to cast aside his love for Cruelly Raised and Brutally Slaughtered Pigs just for my eating preference is yet another reason I totes *heart* the GayProf.
GayProf: It turns out that I was eager to try a tamale alternative to my usual (absurdly delicious) pork filled versions. Beans worked out pretty well. It does make me wonder, though, why Mexican food in general doesn’t get the respect it deserves. To my mind, it is one of the classic world cuisines: easily identifiable and supremely influential. Yet, the only time the mainstream media gives it any credit is if a white boy adopted it (i.e. Bobby Flay or Rick Balis).
VUBOQ: Which brings us to the main point of this section: VEGETARIAN COOKING. It really isn't that difficult. And modifying UberMeaty recipes into something a vegetarian can eat isn't that difficult. Right, GayProf?
GayProf: Vegetarian cooking is hell. It’s only because I adore you so that I even attempt it.
You see, I only know how to make basically six things. Five of them involve meat in some form or another. I was glad that the bean tamales turned out somewhat okay. Otherwise it would have been quiche forever.
VUBOQ: There is nothing wrong with the quiche. Real men eat it, I hear.
GayProf: Don’t get me wrong, I admire the vegetarians (less so the vegans, who just take things too damn far (Hate mail for GayProf can be sent in care of VUBOQ at blogspot.com)). If I spend anytime thinking about the way animals suffer for our food, it makes me want to be a vegetarian. But, then I don’t think about it. La-la-la-la-la-la – Can’t hear you. I am pretty weak willed when it comes to meat, as it turns out.
Still, I’m not somebody who has to eat meat everyday. I am more than happy to have a basic bean burrito as my meal. Plus, I adore tofu. As I recall, somebody was supposed to give me a cooking lesson with tofu while he visited. **cough-cough**
It does remind me of those faux vegetarians we talked about while you were in MFT. I’ll do my best to accommodate guests who are really committed to vegetarianism (or who have similar religious convictions), but I have no patience for the people who are “vegetarian,” but make exceptions for seafood. What evidence is there that a tuna is somehow less likely to suffer pain and panic than a chicken? Frankly, it seems likely to me that a tuna is probably a bit smarter than chickens. And, as cooking goes, few things are more cruel than lobster and crab. Vegetarians who eat seafood are like people who claim that they are kosher, except they love a side of bacon in a thick cream gravy every now and again. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.
VUBOQ: Yes, the fake vegetarians grate on my last nerve. Although, I have found that their calling themselves “vegetarian” is because they don’t know the correct word for their particular eating habits. Fish-eating vegetarians are pescatarians, derived from the Greek root “pesce” meaning “not a vegetarian.” Vegetarians who eat chicken (or any other meat product) are Filthy Dirty Liars.
Haha! I kid. Vegetarians, who sometimes supplement their diets with the flesh of dead animals, are flexitarians. See? You can learn something and still be sparkly and fabulous. Now, go forth and educate the masses!
GayProf: Flexitarians? I thought that was a category on Manhunt.
*** Tune in tomorrow at VUBOQ's place for the conclusion of our musings.
My week of living blogfully concluded with a bang. I enjoyed a long weekend of visiting with VUBOQ. It’s interesting that two of my favorite bloggers, Dorian and VUBOQ, both happened to appear in Midwestern Funky Town in the same week.
Unlike the rest of you forgetful bitches, VUBOQ actually remembers the things that I wrote on this blog! He is a loyal disciple of GayProf and will inherit the earth – or the blogosphere – or whatever I have that is inheritable.
Kidding aside, VUBOQ was totally the awesome. He was the awesome and another half awesome extra. And his DC haircut attracted quite the attention in MFT. You can read about our hijinks over at his place.
His and Dorian’s visit reminded me of two things. First, there aren't that many bloggers left around from when I first started this blog (They are two of very few who are still publishing original content). Second, MFT offers only modest entertainment for visiting guests. While the town’s funkiness is readily apparent, so is its midwesterness.
Have I ever mentioned how annoying it is that there is only a single gay bar in a town this size? Well, if I haven’t, it’s really annoying. During the summer, things aren’t so bad because they have patio seating. Come winter time, however, things get much more bleak.
Speaking of the impending winter (), it reminds me that the academic school year is about to start for most of us. Now is the time that those lucky few who obtained a job are settling into their new towns.
Some of the best advice that I think I have seen on blogs came from Rebekah. While I am paraphrasing, she once noted that it was important to act like the colleague that you would like to have rather than the colleagues who might actually surround you. I am lucky to have really fantastic colleagues at Big Midwestern U, but, as you might recall (Well, you might recall if you are VUBOQ, who actually remembers what I wrote on this blog), that was not always the case at my other gigs.
GayProf is far from being a perfect colleague (trust me), but Rebekah's words are sentiments that I generally try to follow. Since some are new to the whole working thing, I thought it might be helpful to outline some key difference between colleagues. Here is a simple guide to help you know what makes a good colleague, a bad colleague, and a crazy colleague.
***
When preparing a syllabus:
A good colleague will consider assigning material written by their fellow professors.
A bad colleague will assign hir own book.
A crazy colleague will be thinking about ways to sleep with hir students.
***
During a regular department meeting,
A good colleague will listen intently to other people's views and weigh in only when ze has direct experience or knowledge of the issue at hand.
A bad colleague will start a fight with another faculty member over a trivial issue.
A crazy colleague will give a monologue of no less than twenty minutes expounding on why they are under-appreciated within the department.
***
When a junior colleague explicitly asks a favor of a senior faculty member:
A good colleague will do hir best to fulfill the request, remembering how vulnerable junior faculty can be.
A bad colleague will ignore the junior faculty member’s request entirely and then complain that they are too busy and over extended.
A crazy colleague will use the request as evidence that the junior colleague doesn’t “deserve” tenure.
***
When a junior colleague explicitly asks a fellow junior faculty member to read a piece of work:
A good colleague will budget time to give a thoughtful reading and feedback of the piece.
A bad colleague will declare that they have more important things to do than to read anything from a junior person.
A crazy colleague will try to publish the work under their own name.
***
When passing in the hall,
A good colleague will say hello in a cheerful manner.
A bad colleague will avoid eye contact.
A crazy colleague will campaign to be made department chair.
***
In the department kitchen,
A good colleague will make the next pot of coffee if they take the last cup.
A bad colleague will empty the coffee pot into their personal thermos and walk away.
A good colleague will remember that they are peers, but simply doing different types of labor.
A bad colleague will treat them like servants.
A crazy colleague will have had to go through a dean-ordered sensitivity training from HR.
***
While in your office,
A good colleague will keep music or other media at a low volume, remembering that the walls are paper-thin and that other people are trying to work.
A bad colleague will blast Bon Jovi’s greatest hits over and over again.
A crazy colleague will be singing hir heart out as if at the London Palladium.
***
With graduate students,
A good colleague will allow students to gravitate to the faculty who they find the most helpful to their project.
A bad colleague will have graduate students mowing hir lawn.
A crazy colleague will jealously guard graduate students as if they were made out of gold. They will have an ambition to create a small army of drones who all speak the same as themselves.
***
During a job search,
A good colleague will dutifully read the application materials and attend the job talks.
A bad colleague will assume that “somebody” will read the materials, but that they are really too busy to care.
A crazy colleague will hire whoever fits their political agenda without reading a single word of the application.
***
When a visiting professor arrives,
A good colleague will be a cordial host and attend meals with the visitor.
A bad colleague will ignore the event or whine that their friends weren’t invited instead.
A crazy colleague will corner the visitor and plead for a job at another university.
*** When scheduling next semester’s classes,
A good colleague will consider the needs of the program as a whole.
A bad colleague will teach whatever they want, whenever they want to teach it (even if they only ever get eight students at a time).
A crazy colleague will declare that all courses outside hir own field are “silly” and “boutique classes” that shouldn’t be offered at all.
***
When an important policy document is circulated,
A good colleague will read it and give feedback by the date requested.
A bad colleague will read it several months after the policy change went into effect but still demand that their opinion “be heard.”
A crazy colleague will declare it part of a mass conspiracy to deprive them of their basic rights.
****
On the road to tenure,
A good colleague will recognize that everybody is under the same stress and try to create a sense of community.
A bad colleague will believe that it’s a “dog-eat-dog” world and every professor is out for hirself.
A crazy colleague will complain that their work is soooo much more difficult and special than everybody else’s and therefore deserves “special consideration.”
***
In terms of personal hygiene,
A good colleague will shower at least daily.
A bad colleague will arrive at department meetings straight from the gym.
A crazy colleague will have spiders living in hir hair and/or beard.
***
In terms of sexism, racism, homophobia, and other institutionalized patterns of discrimination,
A good colleague will educate themselves on the issues and think about ways to change the status quo.
A bad colleague will declare that such things aren’t their problem.
A crazy colleague will advocate revoking the department’s non-discrimination clause because white straight men are the “real victims.”
***
When a colleague publishes a new book, article, or wins an award:
A good colleague will send a short note of congratulations.
A bad colleague will say that there were “better” journals/presses/awards where the work could have been placed.
A crazy colleague will call up the editor/awards committee and ask why their own work wasn’t considered.
***
When a newly hired professor arrives in the department,
A good colleague will invite hir for a meal and show hir around to feel welcome.
A bad colleague will remind hir that not having tenure makes them “temporary.”
A crazy colleague will tell hir just how many people voted against hiring hir.
***
When talking about research,
A good colleague will suggest helpful texts that might enhance their work.
A bad colleague will recommend their own work as a helpful model of "true" scholarship.
A crazy colleague will talk wistfully of the good times in graduate school when they were able to have “real” intellectual conversations and how disappointing it is to not have that in their current department.
***
After a department function off-campus,
A good colleague will offer a ride to anybody without a car.
A bad colleague will not have shown up in the first place.
A crazy colleague will trap a junior faculty member in the corner to discuss hir recent diagnosis of leaky bowel syndrome.
***
During an external review,
A good colleague will outline both the strengths and weaknesses of the department.
A bad colleague will complain that they are underpaid and deserve a massive raise.
A crazy colleague will declare that all of the department’s problems only started once they hired "all those women and minorities."
***
After a rocky department meeting,
A good colleague will try to put it in perspective and move forward with no hard feelings.
A bad colleague will carry a grudge for the next twenty years and have an "enemies" list longer than Nixon's.
A crazy colleague will write a blog post about it.
Moving and traveling has made me neglectful of memes. CoG has been tagged several times for an assortment of them, but I have not had a chance to respond. Thus, this entry will address two memes.
First, let me extend my appreciation to those who selected CoG for the Thinking Blog meme (Ragnell, Tenured Radical, Atari Age, Diary of a Goldfish, and Slaves of Academe). You all make me blush. Plus, you left me with a problem of not being able to decide which five blogs from my blogroll to choose in return. They all make me think in some way or another. If I were forced to choose, it would probably just mean that I would crush on my usual suspects who get the most mention on my blog already (You know who you are).
1. Un-Cool – I only recently found this blog, but I adore it already. Lina, a British woman currently at work on a MA thesis, takes a distinctive and irreverent view of everything, but especially towards sex and gender. Hate it or love it. Either way, she should be having hundreds of comments on her provocative entries.
2. Mercy O. Warren – Truth in advertising, I knew Mercy when neither of us had a blog. Still, she is bringing sexy back to the eighteenth century. Looking for arcane knowledge about the drafters of the Constitution? Have you ever wondered what an elite Massachusetts woman would do with a blog if such things existed in 1789? Mercy is your gal (though she should update – ahem).
3. Earl Cootie – When I think of a gay 1950s gas-station attendant crossed with an imaginary childhood aliment, I think Earl Cootie. Sure, he has a peculiar obsession with the Aves world. What gay man doesn’t? Well, okay, I don’t. And, come to think of it, none of my friends do either. Still, Earl has a sense of humor that I adore, even if he is a birder (which always sounds more dirty than it should).
4. All Things Bitter – Have you wondered what gay life is like in Nebraska? Neither did I –- until I read All Things Bitter. It turns out that gay life in Nebraska leaves one, well, rancorous on pop-culture issues.
5. V.U.B.O.Q. To my mind, VUBOQ updates his blog at an ideal level. Usually he posts more than once a day, which means that you can count on him as a return-visit blog when you are “working.” His real-life cousin will soon be my neighbor, as well.
Finally, this man clearly has good taste as he won the CoG prize for knowing a [disturbing] amount about me:
DykeWife and Screw Bronze! (Maybe others?) Also tagged me for the “Eight Facts” meme. The rules for it are pretty straightforward:
* each player lists 8 facts about themselves * the rules of the game appear before the facts do * the player ends by tagging 8 people
So, here are eight things that you might or might not know about little GayProf:
1. I am color blind. This realization first came when I was in third grade and was tested in school. The nurse gave me one of those books with multicolored dots and told me to trace the maze or name the shape/image on each page. I thought that she was nuts. All the pages were just a jumble of dots. She seemed so adamant, though, and I was eager to please. So I just made up a path through the dots in order to placate her her. She then told me to inform my parents that I was color blind.
Funny thing when you tell an eight-year old that they are color blind, they only hear the operative word “blind.” I therefore concluded that I would soon be as feeble as Mary Ingalls from t.v. Out of bravery, I decided to conceal this information from my parents lest they worry. I was resigned that I would slowly lose my sight, but do it quietly and without complaint.
The nurse exposed my lie of omission when she phoned later in the week as a follow up (I guess to make sure that my parents weren’t enrolling me in flight school). My mother was fairly confused as to why I burst into tears over it.
My form of color blindness is not the most severe version. I can tell the difference between primary red and primary green. If, however, red or green are mixed with any other color, they “disappear” from my vision and I only see the other color. Therefore, the color purple is more of a theoretical than a reality to me. For my eyes, it just looks blue. Take note: If I say anything about pink, turquoise, or purple, I am just bluffing.
2. I have never gotten tired of the view from the Red Line when it crosses the Longfellow Bridge. Indeed, it is my favorite part of the whole T system. There is something great about seeing the Charles River and the Boston skyline after you emerge from the subway tunnel that always makes me smile. It could be sunny, raining, foggy, or snowing, but the effect has been the same.
Now that I am moving, alas, I will have to watch the reruns of Spenser for Hire to remember these good times (Though the actually journey from Kendall Station to Park Station is oddly much longer in the intro than it really is in life. Inexplicably, the train also skips the Charles/M.G.H. Station in Spenser's version of Boston).
3. I use clothes dryers very sparsely. For one, clothes dryers take up lots of energy and are, therefore, bad for the environment. Two, they are also rough on your clothes. I much prefer to allow things to dry on their own. The exception would be sheets, towels, and underwear.
4. I have a list of cities in North America that I consider my ideal places to live. Currently, the top four are Boston, Chicago, Montréal, and Albuquerque. I have applied for jobs in all of those cities at one point or another, but nothing permanent has panned out.
5. My credit rating is in the crapper right now. I probably wouldn’t even qualify for financing on a Vespa. Eighteen months of trying to pay both rent and my part of a mortgage meant that I often missed payments on other things. Though I am starting to get things under control again, it will take some time to fully fix everything.
6. I am very allergic to juniper (a coniferous plant). Because junipers require less water than many other plants of their size, they are frequently used in New Mexico for landscaping. This meant that Spring was hell (HELL) for me when I was growing up. It also took a significant amount of time before I figured out why gin made me instantly ill. Gin’s flavor comes from juniper berries.
7. During my undergraduate years, I took one semester of Russian. It was a heady time. The Soviet Union was collapsing and I thought it would be a diplomatic gesture for me to learn more about our former national enemy.
It turns out that I have zero (o) talent for learning foreign languages. All that I remember from that class was how to say, "Excuse me, please, where is the Bolshoi theater?" On the plus side, though, learning to write with a different alphabet improved my handwriting in English (true story).
8. I have surprisingly strong feelings that Michael Gambon should be fired from the Harry Potter movies. I don’t begrudge him his distinguished acting career, but he has made a terrible Dumbledore.
I know that Richard Harris died. It would be unseemly, and possibly illegal, to dig up his corpse and reanimate it using robotic technology. Still, that would be preferable than watching the abysmal Gambon, who has ruined every scene in which he has appeared in the Potter movies. Luckily, he had very little screen time in the most recent film (though still did a terrible job).
At first, I was confused about why Gambon portrayed the wizard as a hippie or a bizarre beach comber when that was not, in any way, implied in the books. Then I learned that he didn’t really work very hard at the role. "I don't have to play anyone really,” the actor told the press, “I just stick on a beard and play me, so it’s no great feat.”
By his own admission, Gambon is simply not doing his job. Acting requires work and dedication in learning a character. His attitude about not needing to bother with that for Dumbledore has shown in his wretched performances. Warner Brothers should fire him immediately and replace him with Ian McKellen.
Given my slowness in responding to tags, it would seem hypocritical to tag other bloggers. You will know if these memes are right for you.
Since last we spoke, my former Texan colleague went from persistent to bat-shit crazy. Clearly I misunderstood when I thought that he was asking for a favor. In reality, he was making a demand.
This was really one of the major problems with that department all along. Senior faculty, like him, always imagined that their interests far outweighed the interests of us peon junior faculty. Since his ability to control my tenure fate has been eliminated, he proved completely unable to grasp that I actually said “no” to him. This resulted in my being inundated with unending e-mails – each more snarky than the last.
Somewhere in the middle of the e-mail flurry, I had to step back. It dawned on me that his craziness was eliciting a similar stubborn craziness from me as well. Just when you think that you are out, they find ways to drag you right back in again.
Ultimately, some might say that I folded like a card-table. I, though, prefer to think that I realized that the issue simply wasn’t worth it. I didn’t want to keep playing the bizarre and unprofessional games that plagued that department when the stakes were so low and simply didn’t matter. Plus, the thought of getting this same quantity of e-mail for the next four weeks didn’t appeal to me at all. It reminded me why I am so glad to be getting out of Nutsville.
In more pleasant news, VUBOQ achieved the high-score on knowing all there is to know about GayProf. He will receive his super-secret prize in the next four to six weeks (whenever I drag my lazy ass to the post office).
I think that we all know that the rest of you should be emulating VUBOQ. Clearly he has his priorities in order and slavishly devotes himself to collecting information about GayProf.
Nobody, though, scored a 100 percent. On reflection, I think that is also good news. If somebody had scored a perfect score, the super-secret prize would have been a restraining order.
Let’s take a look at the real answers, shall we?
1. Among other reasons, GayProf doesn’t like the department-store Macy’s because:
I think only one thing when I see a Macy’s department store: That is the company that killed Marshall Field’s. Any ad on television or any radio spot just makes me think that they cared more about cutting costs on printing shopping bags than preserving a piece of Chicago history. Call me sentimental. Call me a historian. Call me a sentimental historian. Whatever the case, destroying Marshall Field’s was totally unnecessary and shortsighted.
Macy’s, you suck.
And don’t even get me started on the modern-lie that is Frango candy....
2. GayProf once referred to the term “MAD-C.” What did this stand for?
MAD-C, as everybody seemingly knew, stood for Middle-Aged Disgruntled Colleague. Texas gave me the opportunity to know many MAD-C’s.
In retrospect, though, I wish that I had written about Mormons Attending Disco Clubs. It just sounds more provocative.
3. The first real image of GayProf ever posted on this blog showed him:
During a brief attempt at being Emma Peel, I had this shot, the first to feature a real-life GayProf:
4. Whose image is always on GayProf’s refrigerator?
James Dean’s image is almost always on my fridge. This entry explains why.
5. Where was GayProf born?
I was born and raised in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Everyday, I thank God that I was not born in Texas.
I am still pressing my mother to prove that I was not crafted out of clay and brought to life by the gods. I think she is close to admitting the truth. Stay tuned.
6. What mishap did not occur to GayProf during the move from Texas to Boston?
During the long and unpleasant trip across the nation, the most direct route took me through TX, LA, MS, AL, GA, TN, VA, MD, PA, NJ, NY, CT, and MA. The cat shit and puked on my lap. For a variety of reasons, I had no assistance loading and unloading the truck. Plus, somewhere in Virginia I got my first speeding ticket – ever.
On the bright side, I did not have a flat tire on that trip. Plus, I ended up in Boston. That alone made the travails worth it.
7. Which Science Fiction movie was GayProf’s favorite at age 5?
When I first went to see Star Wars in the theater, I made my father keep taking me to the bathroom. It bored me. It wasn’t until Empire Strikes Back came out that I was hooked on Star Wars.
Everybody was bored by Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I can’t believe when they released the DVD they made that movie even longer.
E.T. and Gremlins both came out when I was around nine or ten. Despite being a bit older, Gremlins scared the crap out of me. I had to sleep with a nite-light for years after that movie.
In the end, I loved Disney’s The Black Hole. That film started my life-long affection for effete and fussy robots.
8. As a child, who bought GayProf the Mego Wonder Woman doll for Christmas?
My father, against his own wishes, bought me my Mego Wonder Woman. Though an older post, that entry is actually one of my favorites from the blog.
9. As a general trend, which of the following topics usually generates the least number of comments on CoG?
As a very general trend, entries on race or ethnicity get the least number of comments overall. I have no insight into why this is the case, but it is a something that I have noticed. If anybody speculates about why this might be true, I am open to debate.
Entries on porn get the most comments, btw.
10. Which one of these blogs is run by the person who first linked to GayProf?
My first link came from the author of Redd Turtles and Blue Ducks (on her previous blog). I will always be appreciative of that. GayProf might hold grudges (I am looking at you, Macy’s), but he also remembers the good stuff, too. Sadly, it doesn't seem she updates anymore.
11. What is GayProf’s favorite Christmas dish?
I do love all of these things. New Mexico state law a requires that I officially answer “biscochitos,” so I gave partial credit for that answer. In truth, though, my favorite dish is a plate of (very labor-intensive) tamales.
12. Where did GayProf go to graduate school?
A number of people guessed New Mexico. Actually, though, I went away to the Midwest for grad school. Though my new job is not at the same Midwestern university, in many ways it will be familiar ground.
13. The Pope is to Hitler Youth as GayProf is to:
Though an imperfect analogy, the best answer would have been “Student Government.” At my high school, that basically meant that I was part of the decorating committee for all the dances.
As an aside, I am not saying that everybody who was in Hitler Youth was necessarily evil; however, I don’t think that somebody who claims to be God’s representative on earth could have participated in Hitler Youth regardless of the circumstances. It seems to me that there are a number of historical Catholic figures who sacrificed themselves rather than participating in an evil (and deadly) institution.
14. Which of the following has not been a parenthetical reference to Liar Ex?
At some point or another, I have said all of those things about Liar Ex except that he should just die. Part of my belief in karma is not wishing harm on anybody, even scummy liars like George W. Bush or Liar Ex (Who Has a Surprising Amount in Common with George W. Bush).
Besides, I find the reality of Liar Ex's pitiful life and relationship with his loser boyfriend much more satisfying than wishing him dead. If he was dead, he wouldn't be nearly as pathetic.
15. What is GayProf’s soda of choice?
TaB – Even if you have just glanced at the blog (or seen my lab tests), this would have been easy. Between TaB and the Hello, Kitty! Poptarts, I will be dead by age 40.
I only drink the blood of virgins to keep me looking youthful.
16. Which of the following was not true about the house I co-owned in Texas?
Alas, it was totally my idea to buy that accursed house. The other things were all true.
17. As a child, GayProf’s favorite Halloween costume was:
Zorro was my favorite costume. Given I was the third child in my family, my parents had basically abandoned photographing our lives by that Halloween. Thus, I have no visual record of my Zorro costume. My mother, though, sewed it all herself. In particular, I loved my long, flowing black cape. If I could pull it off, I would go for that look today.
18. GayProf’s most recent (and most frequent adult-era) Halloween costume was:
I most often go as a sailor. Once you have the hat, it’s pretty much an easy ride from there.
I would like to go as Freddie Mercury in drag (complete with miniskirt and mustache) from his "Break Free" video. Perhaps next year...
19. According to this blog, which of the following happened at one or more universities in Texas over the past four years?
All of those things were true. To my mind, the blackface video and the defacing of the Martin Luther King, Jr. statute suggest that something quite sinister is happening in Texas. I am not sure that we are even aware of its depth.
20. Did GayProf go to his highschool senior prom?
I did go to my highschool prom. If I spent all that time decorating, you don't think I wouldn't show up, do you?
I was not out of the closet, though, and went with a girl who was a friend (not a girlfriend).
21. Last year, GayProf had a photo meme about his Texas apartment. Which item did GayProf own?
I owned the 1960s warming tray, for serving a hot brunch. It has been lugged around with me for almost a decade. In that time, I have used it once. Still, at any moment, I could keep my flapjacks warm and toasty.
Somewhere at my parent’s house, I also have an I Dream of Jeannie bottle (and they feigned surprise when I told them that I was gay!). The Jeannie bottle was actually just a 1960s liquor bottle that the show painted as a prop. That, though, didn’t make it into the photo meme.
22. Before becoming a history professor, GayProf worked as a:
secretary. All through undergrad, I worked basically full-time as some form of clerical assistant. At some point, I should really write about my time as a secretary at a mental hospital.
Being a prostitute is more of my retirement plan.
23. How did GayProf get the tiny scar on his forehead?
It was a tragic childhood styling-related accident. I was playing with my sister’s hairdryer and put the scolding-hot metal tip to my forehead. My face has never been the same.
24. Exactly 7 persons - P, Q, R, S, T, U & V - periodically offer GayProf gifts to show their gratitude and admiration. During each round of gift giving, none of the gifts are ever of equal value. The following statements about the gifts are always true :
V always gives a more expensive gift than P P always gives a more expensive gift than Q Either R gives the most expensive gift and T gives the least expensive gift, or S gives the most expensive gift and U or Q give the least expensive.
If S gives the sixth most expensive gift and Q gives the fifth most expensive gift, which of the following can be true?
A. V gives the most expensive or forth most expensive gift B. R gives the second or third most expensive gift C. P gives the second or fifth most expensive gift D. U gives the third or fourth most expensive gift E. T gives the fourth or fifth most expensive gift
The answer is “D.” If you are deeply curious why (and I doubt that you are), I can explain. This is a real-life GRE question (minus the reference to GayProf) -- Makes you kinda pity potential grad students, doesn't it?
When scoring, though, I also gave full credit to smart-ass answers or those who refused to answer the question for moral and/or religious reasons.
25. For Hispanic Heritage Month 2006, GayProf:
Chico and his tight, tight pants got my attention. Contacting Che from beyond the grave is on my list for this summer.
26. What is GayProf’s least favorite month?
January sucks. I did, however, give half-credit for those who answered February. In my mind, January (and its sucking) extends from December 31 to February 15.
27. What was GayProf’s first car?
My first car was the almost indestructible 1975 Dodge Dart. With the exception of the hubcaps, it was identical to the one pictured below:
My parents bought it brand new in 1975. Here you can see a wee GayProf posed in front of it (the baseball bat was probably forced into my hands seconds before by my father):
One of my biggest life regrets is getting rid of that car. It had the unforgivable flaw, though, of lacking air conditioning with a black interior. Under the sizzling Albuquerque sun, that was almost life-threatening.
As an aside, I would also love to own a Charger or a Challenger. I am big into the bygone era of Mopar Muscle cars.
My sister’s first car was a Pinto. It would be one in a long line of vehicles that she owned that would spontaneously combust.
28. Is GayProf circumcised?
Statistics could have helped you all out here. Like 85 percent of the men in my age group born in the U.S., I haven't seen my foreskin since the first 24 hours I was on this planet. Sorry, Marlan.
I have had hands on experience with both the hardtop and convertible models. Both seem good to me and I don’t really have a preference. As long as it doesn't take heroic efforts to make it ready for action, I am not really that picky. TMI?
29. Besides Wonder Woman, what 1970s television show is most frequently mentioned on CoG?
With the possible exception of Barnaby Jones, all of the other shows have had at least one mention. After Wonder Woman, though, no other seventies show informed my young consciousness quite like Charlie’s Angels. I am sure that more therapy is required.
30. Which of the following is true about GayProf?
A. Is universally adored.
B. Is the most desirable man on the blogosphere.
C. Should be honored with a bronze statue.
D. All of the above
There is no wrong answer to this question.
Finally, for DykeWife, this is the only picture I could find from the big-hair era. I seem to remember that my hair got even more voluminous, but the historical record doesn’t contain that data.
I am a queer associate professor of Chicano Studies. Currently, I am at a major research university in Midwestern Funky Town. As a single gay man, I am just trying to figure out my life. If I can't do that, then at least I will buy some cool shoes.
Remember that Part II of my discussion with VUBOQ can be found here. In this addition, VUBOQ shares his special holiday cocktail recipes. It's like blogging with Martha Stewart. Well, if Martha Stwart were a gay man. What am I saying? "If!" 
GayProf: Don’t get me wrong, I admire the vegetarians (less so the vegans, who just take things too damn far (Hate mail for GayProf can be sent in care of VUBOQ at blogspot.com)). If I spend anytime thinking about the way animals suffer for our food, it makes me want to be a vegetarian. But, then I don’t think about it. La-la-la-la-la-la – Can’t hear you. I am pretty weak willed when it comes to meat, as it turns out.
My week of living blogfully concluded with a bang. I enjoyed a long weekend of visiting with VUBOQ. It’s interesting that two of my favorite bloggers, Dorian and VUBOQ, both happened to appear in Midwestern Funky Town in the same week. 
Moving and traveling has made me neglectful of memes. CoG has been tagged several times for an assortment of them, but I have not had a chance to respond. Thus, this entry will address two memes.
Since last we spoke, my former Texan colleague went from persistent to bat-shit crazy. Clearly I misunderstood when I thought that he was asking for a favor. In reality, he was making a demand. 
