Give Praise and Thanks

I could continue this blog focusing on Texas’s problems indefinitely. November 22, for instance, marks the 43 anniversary of John F. Kennedy’s bloody death in Dallas, Texas. Now I am not saying that was the entire state of Texas’s fault. I just point out that New Mexico never had a president blown away on our grounds. Maybe a few governors here and there had to go, but never did New Mexico take out a commander in chief. I am just sayin'.

Still, I know even something that feels so right, like bashing Texas, can get old. Instead, I want to show my shared spirit with my fellow country men and women this week. No, I am not talking about participating in Friday’s skull-crushing violence to get one of those creepy animatronic Elmos. No, no. I am thinking about U.S. Thanksgiving on Thursday.

Even though I smugly like to think of me as being a bit different, there’s no escaping that I am a total American. Sometimes that makes me feel dirty and want to spend hours in the shower trying to wash the stink of imperialism off of my body. This week, though, it makes me want to pause and give thanks for the things that I appreciate in my life. Of course, being an American, I also know that no matter how good something is, I can always complain about it not being as good as possible. To really be an American, I would probably figure out a way to sue somebody as well.

Here are the things that make me thankful and my ideas about how each could be even better:

What Makes Me Thankful: Nancy Pelosi, a Democrat, will soon be the first woman Speaker of House.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: Bush and Cheney suddenly resigning and disappearing from the public eye forever, thus making Pelosi the first woman U.S. President.

What Makes Me Thankful: Living in the Greater Boston Area this year.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: Not Returning to Texas in the Fall.

What Makes Me Thankful: Vodka
What Could Make Me More Thankful: More Vodka

What Makes Me Thankful: Xanax
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If Xanax came packaged with a vodka mini.

What Makes Me Thankful: TaB
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If TaB didn’t cause cancer – or hurt my kidneys when I drank it.

What Makes Me Thankful: New Mexico, the Land of Enchantment, don’t you know?
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If New Mexico opened its borders to unlimited migration from Mexico, but sealed itself from any additional incursions from Texas – Or Oklahoma – Or Colorado – Or Utah – Or Northern Arizona.

What Makes Me Thankful: Meeting all sorts of great people through my little bloggy.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If all those great people would consistently refer to me as “The Most Desirable Man on the Blogosphere.” Or, in lieu of that, they could just send vodka.

What Makes Me Thankful: Battlestar Galactica’s smart writing and storylines.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: A new storyline that required all Galactica’s male crew members to do their jobs without shirts. Well, all male crew members except Edward James Olmos. Nobody wants to see that pocked-faced mess without a top.

What Makes Me Thankful: Cat, my feline companion.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If Cat learned how to operate the vacuum or scrub the bathtub. He could really contribute more to the apartment’s daily operation.

What Makes Me Thankful: A giant turkey dinner at the end of November.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: Serving that dinner with a side of vodka.

What Makes Me Thankful: Being gay. If I wasn’t gay, I wouldn’t be able to date men. That just seems sad to me.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: Religious zealots receiving a divine revelation that queer people are neither better nor worse than everybody else. We just dress better than everybody else.

What Makes Me Thankful: Dishwasher technology.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If, while scrubbing my plates, my dishwasher also distilled vodka.

What Makes Me Thankful: Being free of Liar Ex (Who Told Many Lies) in my day-to-day life. I wouldn’t have predicted it a year ago when he cowardly and thoughtlessly tore my heart out, but my life has vastly improved without him around – Seriously. Who knew?
What Could Make Me More Thankful: Finally getting rid of that God-forsaken Texas house that we still own jointly. Yes, God actually forsook it.

What Makes Me Thankful: Living in a city with a mostly-functional public transportation system.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: Living closer to a T station – or closer to a liquor store that sold a variety of vodka -- whichever. Why be greedy?

What Makes Me Thankful: James Dean’s iconic status.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If Giant wasn’t so god-damn long.


What Makes Me Thankful: Gay porn.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If the porn industry didn’t seem so exploitative and riddled with drug dependency -- uh, in the bad way.

What Makes Me Thankful: Three years of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman.
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If the new Wonder Woman comic would finally dump the disastrous and horrific idea of making Donna Troy Wonder Woman. Yuck! Nobody likes Donna Troy. We only care about Diana, DC. Shouldn’t Donna be watching an orb of power or something on a remote planet where nobody ever goes?

What Makes Me Thankful: All Natural Fibers
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If I could afford a higher thread-count sheet set -- or sleep in some guy's bed who has a higher thread count.

What Makes Me Thankful: Cranberries (the New England produce, not the Irish Band (although...))
What Could Make Me More Thankful: Cranberry juice + vodka

What Makes Me Thankful: Access to Harvard’s astounding Library
What Could Make Me More Thankful: The absence of Harvard’s entitled students.

What Makes Me Thankful: Lube
What Could Make Me More Thankful: If mainstream television ads for lube stopped pretending that heteros are lube’s biggest consumers.