Wednesday, April 18, 2007

TornWordo Dares to Ask

I was deeply saddened by the events at Virginia Tech. There are discussions to be had about the meaning and repercussions of that violence. It will take time to learn everything that we need to know. Right now, though, I think that we all need to grieve a bit.

Such events often get me to thinking about the silliness of blogging. Maybe it’s just that a low-grade existential crisis is always near my surface. Still, with all the violence and despair in the world (Iraq, Afghanistan, Darfur, and on and on), it can be hard to imagine that a few Wonder Woman comics and a wry reference to Charlie’s Angels amounts to something purposeful.

Then I think blogging can be beneficial in terms of my own entertainment or exchanging ideas. We all need these things, right? So, I keep going – much like Kelly Garrett did when she landed that plane while undercover as a flight attendant.

To that end, TornWordo had a nifty deal on his blog. He answered five questions posed to him by another blog author. He likewise offered to ask five questions to others who wanted. I will do the same, if you would like me to ask YOU five questions.

Here are the questions posed to me by Torn:

1. If your ex came back begging, would you take him? Please explain your answer.

    Oh.Dear.God. NO!

    In the last year of our relationship, Liar Ex (Who Told Many Lies) made it his life-goal to quash out whatever love that I had for him. This wasn’t just a case where his feelings changed and we parted. Nobody can control their feelings, but he handed me a number of dirty deals.

    I loved him very much. Indeed, at the end I even reduced myself to basically groveling in an effort to keep the relationship together. Let me tell you, that required more than a little therapy to work out.

    Instead of being honest, however, the decisions that Liar Ex (Who Told Many Lies) made while ending the relationship showed a sleazy, selfish, cowardly inner character. Liar Ex (Who Told Many Lies) imagined he was quite clever to have treated me like shit. He often dehumanized me by referring to me as “clutter” or a “unit” or something else that implied non-human status. He even made fun of me to his loser friends when I was feeling the worst.

    Now I know just what to think of him. Time and time again, he had opportunities to be a stand-up guy, but always opted against it. Even after all of the deceptions and depraved indifference to my feelings, he managed to believe that he was the wronged party. Perhaps the only good thing about all that lying, cowardliness, and selfishness is that I have no romanticized notions about that relationship left.

    Being single does not leave me doing cartwheels, but it’s infinitely better than a relationship with a mediocre individual like Liar Ex (Who Told Many Lies). I've tried to learn from the bad choices I made in that relationship. In many ways, I am still learning. One thing has become clear to me recently. If I am going to get into another LTR, it has to be with a man who has some balls.

2. Your writing seems very methodical, like what I imagine you wish of your students, lol. Your posts come off quite polished. Do you make many revisions before you post? (How long did you spend answering these questions?)

    When I write an entry, I try and devote a significant amount of time to it. This is one of the reasons that I don’t post often. Well, that and I am kinda lazy.

    If I write on a topic that really excites me, I could spend five or six hours on it (both writing and revising). Some entries have taken more time. On average, though, I would say that I spend probably two or three hours on most posts. This entry took about two hours.

    Usually I sketch out the entry’s basic premise and write a draft. Then I read it over a few times looking for holes or places that I can add some humor (or force in a reference to a seventies television show).

    Despite this, I feel like my entries often have many grammatical mistakes, especially spelling errors. Also, I struggle with writing entries that are too long.

3. Tell a funny story that has excrement in it. You know I love me a good scat story. C'mon don't be a priss.

    If I ever meet Mrs. Wordo, our conversation will turn to your childhood experiences during toilet training. I need to know what happened on that particular bus ride.

    Well, CoG devotees will remember that my move to Boston started with me being covered in shit. Cat did not enjoy the moving truck. Feeling bad for his panicked cries of stress, I took him out of his carrier the first hour that I was on the road. What I didn’t know was that cats prefer that you leave them in their box when they get too stressed out.

    My cat educated me by crawling into my lap and promptly vomiting. Then he arched his back and took a massive shit as well.

    This left me with a cooling pile of cat shit and vomit on my lap as I sped down the highway at about 70mph. It took about ten minutes before I could find a place to pull over. In the meantime, I had to juggle with the cat to keep him from sitting in his own shit and vomit. That was a golden moment in our relationship.

    Visions of causing a catastrophic highway accident came to me. Who would want the uncomfortable task of explaining that a cat’s incontinence was the root of an eighteen-car pile up?

    That, though, is an old story. So I tried to search my memory for another scat-centered story. BTW, I live in a neighborhood on the edge of Boston known as Somerville. Therefore the community access television station has the unfortunate (though maybe accurate?) acronym SCAT. I actually do think of you every time I pass the it.

    The only other story that I could come up with involved an outhouse in New Mexico when I was a teenager. It was on the side of some highway. When I entered, somebody had shit on the seat. We aren’t talking about an unfortunate splatter – I mean somebody had taken an actual dump on the seat. At first I thought, “How can you miss when you take a shit?” Then I realized that this was probably somebody’s sense of humor.

    Recalling this obscure incident then made me remember two childhood friends who were brothers (one in second grade, the other in first grade). They had some sort of game that involved “booby-trapping” their bathroom by shitting and not flushing. Even at age 7, though, they still actually made it into the toilet. Still, I usually waited to pee until I got home.

    That’s the best that I could find in my memory. For the most part, I make a conscious decision to avoid shit or shit-related scenarios. If, however, I encounter better scat stories, you will be the first person I call.

4. Are you on team Hillary? Why or why not?

    Why not GayProf in '08?

    Hilary doesn’t particularly excite me. To be honest, I don’t feel enthusiasm for any of the potential Democratic players on the field right now. All of them want gay votes, but they have all stated that they think it is okay to treat gays like second-class citizens (in one form or another).

    Beyond that, I just don’t imagine that Hillary Clinton could win a national election. Those on the Right are rabidly against her to the point of being irrational (I am not even sure that most of them remember why they were supposed to dislike her in the first place). Moreover, I have disliked her pandering to certain constituencies. I still remember, for instance, her opportunistic ploy to try and regulate video games.

    If I had her career, I would become a powerhouse in the Senate. She is a young woman. She could ultimately reign there, perhaps indefinitely. Then again, if I were her, I would also lay-off the pantsuits for awhile.

    If she ends up with the nomination, I would probably still support the campaign. I wasn’t thrilled with Kerry as a choice (Hey, let’s nominate a talking tree!), but I still volunteered for phone duty for his campaign (which was the best one could do in Texas, given the Democrats had basically conceded the state).

    The next obvious questions become, “Why not a third party, GayProf? Also, how can we properly show our devotion to you?” Both of those are tough, but fair, questions.

    I fully support third (or more) parties. I do not support, however, unrealistic or foolhardy political strategies. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those people who blames Green for the 2000 election. Gore won that election no matter which way you slice it (he had the popular vote and he also won the vote in Florida). The Republican Party kept him out office, not the Greens.

    Still, one of the lessons of the Bushie era should be that national elections are not the place to gamble. They have real consequences for real people. Recent third party candidates for President, in my opinion, have not advanced social justice in this nation (and, in some instances, might have been counter productive).

    Third parties can, however, be extremely effective if they focus at the local level. If third-party supporters really want to make a difference (and not just grandstand), start electing third-party candidates to school boards, city councils, and state legislatures. These positions, while often ignored, make a tremendous difference.

    So few people vote in these minor elections, they also don't cost a lot of money to put up a candidate. I could probably run a successful campaign using my Visa card -- and I have terrible credit right now.

    Heck, there are districts where we could probably elect a third-party candidate to the U.S. House of Representatives. Given the Congressional division right now, even a few third-party Representatives would have disproportionate power because they would be needed for coalition building.

5. With whom did you lose your virginity? Females count. Was it a positive or negative experience? Expand.

    I lost my virginity to Colonel Mustard, in the Billiard Room, with the lead pipe. It was murder.


vuboq said...

Kitty photo! Kitty photo! He is SO CUTE! Not as cute as Isabella though. Is his real name Cat, or is that a pseudonym to protect his identity?

I'd like to participate in the meme :-), so ask away.


StinkyLulu said...

Scat...Colonel Mustard...
Do I sense a motif?

I want in.

pacalaga said...

(I think) I want to play!

tornwordo said...

Oh, your scat story(ies) made me laugh so. I once picked up a stray kitten, feeling sorry for it, and once in my car began fart-slash-shitting all over my car. I stopped and threw the thing out, but it took months before the smell dissipated.

Les said...

Wow, your liar ex sounds like mine. Do you think he could have been a woman in California part time (you did mention the lack of balls . . .)? You know, he tells me he's going to work, but really hops on a plane to see you every day and then flies home before dinner time?

(I also had a moving cat shit my lap. fucking cats. Dogs don't do that. They just barf. Unless they don't.)

erik said...

I volunteer for the meme!

Chad said...

Let me volunteer!

Signalite said...

If we don't indulge in silly, then there is no hope! I think you always balance it well.

I've been yearning to write again. I'd love some Hardcore Gay Prof Questions, if you are still playing.

Doug said...

It is my unrealistic wish that we didn't need to go through such pain to learn some of life's lessons.

Your blogpost-writing process sounds like what I expected it to. If you want to get all of the mistakes out, though, you'll need to hire an editor. I'm not sure a person can find all their own errors.

Sarasota, FL has a bus system called SCAT (Sarasota County Area Transit). Makes me giggle (and vomit a little) every time I see one of their buses with SCAT in 4'-tall lettering on the side.

goblinbox said...

Orange kitties are the best type of kitties. All the very most attitudinal kitties I've ever known were of the orange persuasion.

And with the lead pipe. Wow. ;-)

GayProf said...

VUBOQ: Cat does have a real name (Max), but he has never really gone by it. More often it has been Cat, as in "Cat, get out of my way."

StinkyLuLu: No motif that I am concsious of, but now that you mention it.

Pacalaga: Everybody wins when everybody plays.

Torn: Did you even read the other answers? Or did you just skip directly to the scat question? ;)

Les: Your theory of the same liar ex would explain a lot. Alas, though, I think that we all end up with a liar ex at some point in our lives.

Erik: Great! E-mail me so I know where to send the questions.

Chad & Singalite: I'll send questions soon.

Doug: Yeah, the end of such relationships are "character building." You see, though, I thought that I had plenty of character already.

Goblinbox: He is actually a very good cat. Being the only cat that I have ever owned in my life (I am more of a dog person), he has been a good fit for me.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I wish someone would've warned me about that Col. Mustard. Dirty old man.

Sarah said...

I am jealous of you cat-owning types. My current apartment is no-pets-allowed, plus an allergic roommate.

I actually do write in my blog sometimes, and I'd like to be one of the cool kids too. :)

Antonio said...

I've looked at some of your blog entries and thought "That must've taken forever". I don't devote more than about an hour to mine and a lot of the time I lose enthusiasm two sentences in.

I also want to participate. I sent an email. :)

Dorian said...

Such wonderfully revelatory answers. As I'm always willing to take easy outs for content on my own site, you can ask away at me as well.

Arthur (AmeriNZ) said...

The Charlie's Angels photo, casually inserted as a way to "force in a reference to a seventies television show" without, you know, actually forcing a reference. Priceless. Love your posts--clearly the time you spend on them is worth it for us readers! Speling misteaks? Wot spolling miztacks?

Huntington said...

Hmm. I'm faced with a mathematical conundrum: if we're faced with a Liar Ex (Who Tells Many Lies), does it then follow that we all must be a Liar Ex (Who Tells Many Lies) ourselves at some point?

Rebekah said...


I sit down and write whatever comes to mind, spellcheck it, and post.

Of course, I go back in and edit every time I see an error, horrified someone might see it before it gets erased.

Loved your answers.

Wiccachicky said...

Fun! I'll play if you're up for it. :)

Larry said...

It takes a great man to withstand both cat feces and vomit simultaneously. Cat vomit (which isn't much better than the wet catfood it came from) is in fact one of the reasons I never plan to own a cat :)

marlan said...

I love the smell of catshit in the morning--wasn't that from Apocalypse Now?

I also was curious about your writing habits. I've considered blogging, but know the writing can be a grind. You do a great job.

Finally, punctuation be damned! Think of punctuation marks as mispelled or separated emoticons, rather than grammar conventions

Will said...

Cats have an infallible sense of when you're at your most vulnerable and then they hit you with something, ANYTHING, just to let you know exactly who's running the show.

Mr. de GayProf, I'm ready for my five questions now!

Anonymous said...

Holy crap, I know I'm late... But as one of the early purveyors of the 5 question meme (back in the early Lost Find), I'd LOVE some Q's to A. If and when you have a chance!