Homophobia reigns supreme at this university. One has to spend only twenty minutes on campus or the nearby vicinity to hear some type of anti-gay remark. It does not take long.
Yet, the university is riddled with homoerotic undertones. I have already noted that campus “art” centers around glorified images of muscle-bound men. Other elements of campus-life, however, show an even deeper level of unquestioned homoeroticism.
- Terms to Live By:
Take, for example, terminology exclusive to this campus. All of these are real terms (Like Jimmy Carter, I would not lie to you):
Whipping Out: A greeting when two members of the university’s paramilitary group meets each other. If only they did “whip it out,” my days would be so much more interesting.
Redass: Someone who shows exceptional school spirit. Maybe because he has been pulling the train all evening?
Pulling Out: Shouting out the graduating year of the class before you. Remember kids, your partner "pulling out" does not prevent STDs.
Off the Wood: This is more of a command than a term. It means that people need to step off the bleachers during the campus song. Sometimes you just don’t want people on your wood.
Old Lady: Your male roommate. Seemingly all the men students are in some type of gay marriage. Good for them!
Then there are student “traditions” that seem loaded with homoerotic flair. Let’s take, for example, the fact that the university does not have any (zero) women cheerleaders. It is an all-male activity. I guess they don’t want women getting too close to the “tight-end” on the football field.
This manly-man squad offers the most interesting of cheers. I could not make this up. Believe me, I wish my sense of imagination had that depth. At some point during athletic competitions, these young men shove their ass out, mimicking “humping.” What do the call this cheer? "Humpin it." According to a quasi-official description of “Humpin It,” one must “bend over with the hands placed just above the knees, properly aligning the mouth, throat and back to allow the maximum amount of volume.” A date once offered me this same advice.
Men intentionally excluded women from other activities as well. When students constructed bonfires, women students could not touch certain parts of the structure. In particular, only men could make the center pole erect. Frankly, it is a policy I have adopted in my personal life.
Perhaps it goes along with:
When I was a band-nerd, I played clarinet. So, I don’t necessarily know the most relaxing position to hold one’s trumpet. Still, is it me, or do they seem to be compensating for something?
Honestly, I have never hung a flag off of my trumpet, either. Well, okay, maybe once at a party. . .
You don't have to be a cheerleader or a band member to get involved with this action, though. What better way to show your school spirit than leaving your house almost naked? How about painting your body muddy red? Even better, get some of your best friends to wear identical paint schemes.
It is just good male-bonding, I say, to roam around the streets with you best-buds in a Speedo and body paint. After all, don’t we see this time and again at circuit parties? Oh, wait, that is something else. . .
- Fancy Dress Ball
As a historian, I am always looking for explanations in the past. Luckily, I think I found the origin of these homoerotic elements in the university archive.
For most this university’s history, it was an all-male school (until the 1970s). Men had their urges, though.
As with all college-aged men, Spring Semester always turned their thoughts to the fancy dress ball. What did they do, though, without any women students? “No problem, “ they said, “We will simply dress the younger classmen in drag!” Look closely at this picture from university archives. Click it to make it bigger.
Most of these men enjoyed their pretty, pretty dresses. Who wouldn’t?
This is the type of “can-do” attitude that is missing from today’s university students. Sure, some residual elements remain of this great history through whipping out, old ladies, and pulling out. Where, though, are the drag balls? Bring them back! Bring them back, before it is too late!