GayProf Really is That Self-Indulgent

As promised, I have worked to fulfill each request from the previous post. In some cases, I combined requests into a single photo. I am not cheating. I am being efficient.

Besides, some of you got a little greedy by asking for more than one photo. It’s okay – It shows how much you love GayProf. This also meant, though, this post became looooooooong. I am tough. I can take it.

I tried to get everything that people asked to see. In some cases, though, I had already packed the requested items for my move to Boston. In those instances, I substituted something of equal or greater value. Most pictures can be "clicked" to make them a little bigger.

***

So, let’s start at the beginning, shall we? Paul asked to see my favorite pair of shoes. Those would be these:



The Kenneth Cole boots that changed my life! They are great for either going to work or going out at night. Plus, all they require is a wipe down with some liquid polish. They are fairly comfortable, but I probably wouldn’t want to wear them everyday.

***

TornWordo wished to see both the front and back of the fridge door. For the front:

Key:
1) A Sticker of a rainbow kitten given to me by a friend from her super-special childhood sticker album;
2) The magnet holding the sticker says, “Give us This Day, Our Daily Chile;”
3) A magnet with San Pasqual sent by my mother post-divorce. She feared for my eating habits (see the open fridge door below) and hoped that the rotund saint would intervene.
4) James Dean;
5) Magnet with Jacqueline Kennedy having lunch with Queen Elizabeth II. While in Chicago last year, I purchased it at the Field Museum’s Jacqueline Kennedy exhibit.

Now the sad part:

Key:
1) Butter (everything tastes better with butter);
2) Batteries (I heard they keep longer if you toss them in the fridge);
3) Two different containers of mayonnaise (I have an unhealthy obsession with white, creamy concoctions);
4) Ranch dressing (see previous)
5) Two different types of Dijon mustard. I tried to cut corners by buying the generic brand, but found it unsatisfying.
6) A container of oil that already was in there when I moved in (Scared yet?);
7) TaB;
8) a case of yogurt (Strawberry and Blueberry);
9) Pillsbury’s Oh-My-God-You-are-Too-Lazy-to-Even-Cut-Some-Dough-You-Lazy-Slug Chocolate Chip Cookies (with Walnuts).

Please don’t tell people how I live.

***

Vuboq’s request required some inventorying of my closet. After much consideration, I concluded that this must be the oldest piece of clothing in my possession:




I obtained it for free during freshman-orientation in college (some fifteen years ago). During that same weekend, I also learned our school cheer: "Everybody's a Lobo -- Woof, Woof, Woof!" Hard to imagine why my university had such low school spirit, isn't it?

***
MEK asked to see my favorite vintage gay porn from my "research." How could I choose just one? So here is my “archive.”



One day, I really do intend to write about the ways that ideas about race, gender, and sexuality play out in same-sex sex porn. So, it’s not all just about GayProf being a horn-dog. It’s mostly about that, but not all about it.

***
Elizabeth and Bigg, like many of my readers, seemed a bit too interested in GayProf's bathroom and bathroom habits. I am not sure what this says about the folk who visit the Center of Gravitas or its author, but I noticed a clear trend.

The Tour:
1) Shave cream
2) face bar, chalk full of salicylic acid (in its own little dish)
3) Sink and counter constructed of a material I had never seen before in my life. It’s kind of like a rubbery plastic. Or maybe it's a plastic rubber? Either way, this stuff is ugly and does not occur in nature. It also seems perfect for trapping stains for all eternity.
4) Ivory soap, guaranteed to strip your hands of every drop of moisture
5) razor (which, btw, outlasted my marriage as I owned it before I even met my liar ex (who told many lies));
6) dark burgundy floor tiles. This is a decorating triumph! You want a floor that can absorb all light and make you feel truly claustrophobic, especially in a small space without any windows.

***

Elizabeth also wanted to know about the most useless kitchen gadget I own. That would be this:



At one time, I knew the purpose of this object. Now, though, it just seems to take up a huge amount of space. Plus, if you turn the nobs on the top, those round thingys get really hot! That's just dangerous and crazy to have in your house!

***

Goblinbox wanted a look-see in my junk drawer:

1)Plyers
2)Screwdriver
3)Hammer
4)Nails
5)Window sticker asking firemen to save my cat should terriorists set GayProf's apartment ablaze. I must imagine that this sticker is most effective if placed on your kitchen counter.
6)Junk

***

Brett and Chris both asked to see my work space. GayProf's office at the university:

The Highlights:
1) Ungraded student papers
2) books on the history of African Americans in film (which has nothing to do with my current research or my current teaching plans)
3) A riveting memo outlining the history building’s HVAC upgrades;
4) wooden letter opener that a student gave me as a gift
5) TaB
6) Dib from Invader Zim toy
7) Sticky note reminding me to send a file to a colleague of mine by May 1 (Yeah, that totally didn’t happen)
8) State-owned computer displaying the comments for the previous post
9) 1950's clock that shows the current time around the world. It reminds me of all the other places I would rather be than Texas.
10) A plant that manages to live through my abuse
11) My tenure files
12) V.I.N.Cent. toy (GayProf will go on a date with any man who can name the film in which this robot appeared and the actor who voiced this robot without using Google)
13) Historic map of New Mexico, The Land of Enchantment, don’t you know?

***

Brett also asked to see the view while seated on my toilet. If I have any Freudian analysts reading my blog, please contact Brett. He might wish to discuss his childhood experiences with toilet training. Regardless, his wish is my command:



Though one of the first things that I see every morning (I eat my fiber religiously), the back of the bathroom door is not particularly interesting. If I were not going to Boston, maybe I would hang a picture or something. Eh.

***

Palochi inquired about the my dresser's top drawer. Like many readers, he seemingly hoped to find porn, lube, condoms, or something. He should have just asked to see the porn, lube, condoms, or something. GayProf has nothing to hide and lacks most forms of shame. Here, though, are the mundane contents of my top drawer:

Numbers 1 & 3) White undershirts;
2) power cord for a DVD player;
4) assorted keys to various friends’ apartments and houses. One of the bonus things about teaching summer school has been that I have been available to feed/water/rob all of my friends who left their cats/plants/homes for the summer.
5) Cedar balls to keep away the bugs
6) A few business cards from men that I have, um, met over the past few months.

***

Extra-greedy Da Nator asked for three pictures of something that made me sad, angry, and happy. Plus, she wanted commentary.

For sad and angry, I had to really think. Normally I don’t keep objects around that make me unhappy. Then I realized, I still had this:



My wedding band makes me both sad and angry (Remember: Combining picture requests is not cheating. I am being efficient).

The ring makes me sad because, of course, not all of those eight years proved totally horrific. Some positive memories live on and I miss those times. I am also disappointed that my naïve and romantic vision of the relationship proved totally wrong. When I say “wrong,” I mean off by a long, long, mile.

The ring makes me angry because my liar ex told me many lies. Who could not be angry at a selfish individual who willingly lied to somebody who loved and trusted him?

I also have anger because I betrayed myself over and over again. I stayed in an eight-year relationship with somebody uninteresting, unremarkable, and unkind. He had all of the "un's." Few other individuals could be so defined by the lack.

Gone are the years I wasted on him. In some misguided effort to achieve security, I foolishly played the martyr. This makes me angry at myself. When did I hope to reap the reward for all that martyrdom? At our fiftieth anniversary? In heaven? When? Ugh – it’s a disappointing element in GayProf’s history. That’s a harsh-life lesson for you all.

Having been reminded that I still have this ring, I plan to pitch it into the Rio Grande on my up-coming trip to New Mexico. I figure the river that sustained generations of my family will easily eliminate the negative energy vested in this ring and help restore my own balance.

***

Now that we moved beyond that unpleasantness, let us see something that makes GayProf happy:



I love flowers. In this case, my apartment currently has a bouquet of Dutch Iris and Lilies. *Note the Nambé bowl in the background. Nambé is a product of New Mexico, don't you know?

***

Larry asked for my favorite Wonder Woman comic and Chad wanted my prized comic. It goes without saying that my prized comic would be, of course, a copy of Wonder Woman.

Still, the oldest Wonder Woman comic I have is from the late 1950s. To be honest, the Amazon Princess didn’t do well during that period. She spent an awfully large amount of time crying over Steve Trevor.

So, upon thinking about it, I decided my current favorite Wonder Woman comic in my possession would be this one:



From the late seventies, this particular issue blended both camp and comic adventure. Not only did it focus on my favorite Wonder Woman tool, the golden tiara, it also had fun with the readers. Diana has a nosy neighbor, for instance, named Mrs. Kravitz. Likewise, it had the best thought-bubble ever to appear in a Wonder Woman comic:



On a similar note, Bill asked for my favorite non-Wonder Woman comic. My blog might imply a greater knowledge of comics than I actually posses. Still, I have long had a love/hate relationship with Captain America. He is so over-the-top, it’s hard to take him seriously. Yet, he also symbolizes many of the worst elements of the United States: imperialism, notions of racial superiority, sexism, militaristic faith..He also first appeared around the same time as the greatest hero of all time (1942ish).

So, I own many Captain America from the sixties composed by Jack Kirby and Stan Lee. They made the Captain a bit more angsty (which is so unusual for a Kirby/Lee hero):



Plus, Cap seems to really, really, really, really miss Bucky. Perhaps he should not have let him die after all:



***

Finding the “queerest” object in my house for Wiccachicky prompted some thinking. I thought about cheating being efficient and tossing this in with one of the comics. Perhaps, though, that would have been a bit too efficient. In the end, I decided on this poster:




It’s a replica of Depression-era government sponsored play on the horrors of syphilis and how to obtain treatment. The naked male figure battles a snake, representing syphilis. Its ambiguous sexual content and male erotic figure just appealed to me.

***
Joe decided to look through my nightstand drawer (in a virtual sort of way):




He found:

1) Two mid-century tie clips – One gold (shaped like a scepter), one silver. GayProf hates, hates, hates having his tie fly about all over the place.
2)Box of shirt stays.
3)Instructional manual for a watch that I don’t wear anymore
4)Chicago Metra ticket (I am sure expired and of no value)
5)Five Euro bill. GayProf likes to imagine that he will leave for Europe at any moment and, therefore, keeps some pocket change handy.
6)Watch that I no longer wear.

ROG asked to see my feet. Look close and you can see they got caught in this photo just below the drawer. Okay, this time I am cheating. Who, though, wants to see my hairy Hobbitt feet? Nobody. Trust me.

***

My favorite toy, the 1978 NRFB Mego Wonder Woman doll, already appeared in the previous post. I hate to disappoint Perspective of Pete, though. My second favorite toy would be this:




My father has tremendous gifts in the industrial arts. In particular, he practiced woodworking as a hobby. He made and/or refinished multiple pieces of furniture. At about age 9 (I think), he made this wood catapult for me. I launched many a Star Wars action figure to their doom with it.

***

DykeWife and Earl both requested my car’s glove box:



Contents:
1) Stack of expired Proof-of-Insurance forms
2)Emergency blanket. Living in Texas, one must assume a major snow storm will trap them in their car at some point -- or something.
3)Tuner that allows me to play music from my ipod on the car radio.
4)Owner’s manual

***

Earl further asked for a picture of my sleeping attire. When in bed, I sleep naked. Here is a picture of me, sans clothes, sleeping:



Oh, I also sleep in the dark.

***

“Hey, GayProf,” Kalvin stated, “Show us something that you are embarrassed to own.”

Okay:




In my defense, I have never used it to remove pubic hair or chest hair. I don’t like the hairless look at all. Still, I have this small, but annoying, patch of hair on my upper back. That hair has to go.

Don't judge me.

***

MaggieMay inquired about which outfit I wear to feel like a “supha-stah.” Being an actual super-star, of course, I always feel special.

Oddly enough, though, one of my gym outfits pleases me at the moment:




A gym-friend reported that somebody expressed concern that “the fags were taking over” after seeing me wear another pro-gay shirt. Being a contrarian individual, I had this shirt made just to wear to the gym. Many wicked hetero teens made adolescent queer boys feel unwelcome in gyms for years. I find it fair to now make those adult hetero men feel a wee bit tense, if possible. UnderArmour produced the matching black shorts, fyi.

***

Returning to GayProf’s bathroom, Brian wanted the inside of the medicine cabinet. I don’t keep many meds in there:




What I do keep:

1) Hair goop
2) Three different types of face goop, none of which has been used in over four months.
3)Xanax
4)Dental floss – Flossing is the key – THE KEY – to good dental hygiene
5)Comb for goatee
6) Scissors
7) Tweezers
8)Toothbrush (not pictured)
9)Deodorant (not pictured)
10)Lip goop
11) Face goop that I do actually use (Clinique Post Shave Healer, fyi)

***

Mike Prov1 will probably not be surprised to see my favorite coffee mug:




Interestingly, I purchased this mug in Boston a few years ago. Now, it will return to its POS. By the way, though the blog implies it, I promise my entire apartment does not exist exclusively as a shrine to Wonder Woman. It’s more of a minor temple.

***

Marlan wanted my favorite underwear or jock. I don’t own a jock. Do they actually serve a purpose beyond fetish?

Choosing favorite underwear doesn’t occur to me much anymore. As I age, I tend to look for comfort more than anything. Kinda boring, but here are some Nordstrom’s undies that I like:



Well, these are my favorite until I can find adult versions of this:



Moving on:

***

Lorriane, that cheeky girl, wanted to see where I toss my spare change:




It’s an upside-down lid for a tub of blank CD’s.

She also asked about the kitchen gadget that I could not live without. Well, I would have to say my 1960s Salton warming tray.



It’s huge! It screams, "I am a modern 1960s piece of kitchen history." Just look at that special daisy heating spot for coffee!

Total times I have used this object in the ten+ years since I bought it? One. Some might suggest, therefore, that it has no value. "Not so fast," say I.

At any moment, I could host a hot brunch buffett. Can you claim the same?

I could have many friends over and keep my mini-quiches warm and ready to eat. Well, if I knew how to cook.

Still, one can’t be the hostess with mostess without a Salton warming tray. You just can't!

***

Clean & Sober asked to see both my favorite Halloween costume and a childhood photo. Totally not cheating, I am combining those two things.

My Zorro outfit was my actual favorite childhood costume. Being the youngest child, though, my parents had grown somewhat bored with photographing our lives. Therefore, no visual record exists of that costume.

Instead, I do have a picture of me in my costume as a “hermit.” Tell me that wasn’t a childhood cry for help:



***
Dan asked for my home bookshelves. Unfortunately, I already packed those for my move to Boston. As a replacement, I offer one of my office bookshelves:



The List:

1)Emiliano Zapata
2)New Mexico Flag
3)Undergraduate course catalog from 2003
4) Books on Latino history
5) Books on Queer history
6)Overdue library books (shhh!)

***

Ancrene Wiseass asked about my oldest music recording. I still own the vinyl, but it currently resides in storage at my parents’ house. Therefore, here is a substitute picture of the CD:



Styx’s Paradise Theater won the prize of being my first album that I ever bought. I am not sure if I liked the cover more than the music. On one side of the LP, they had the theater during its grand days. On the other side, they had it in decay. I examined each inch of the pictures over and over. Even as a wee lad, I loved the notion of historical change over time.

***

The rest of you asked for some form type of picture of GayProf. Wiccachicky also asked about a picture of a scar. Interestingly, I do have a tiny scar in a pornographic zone, but that is a story for another time.

Being basically a mama’s boy (and proud of it!), I didn’t really injury myself that often. If you look closely at my forehead, though, you will see a small dent. What caused this flaw?

I was playing with my sister’s hairdryer. For reasons that only make sense to an eight-year old, I put the metal nozzle on my forehead. That sizzling noise indicated that I had branded myself. Yes, it's true. I have a tragic hairstyling-related scar.

For the rest of you, a current picture of GayProf on the couch where he spends most of his time in the apartment.




Thanks for playing.