Sunday, July 23, 2006

GayProf Starts from Zero

Greetings from Boston. I spent the past couple of desperate days trying to find a place to live. During that time, the stress added some silvery strands to my hair and I might have questioned if the cosmos still loved me. Panic began to creep into my thoughts after the first few days of seeing the bad, the worse, and the ugly in apartments. At times, I also wondered about my wisdom for going through all of this hassle for a single year appointment. Today, however, I am satisfied that the goddess still thinks kindly of me and remain excited about Boston.

Consider me triumphant in my quest to obtain an apartment. While not absolutely perfect (but what is?), my new loft-style apartment should more than satisfy my needs for the next year. Cut out of an old Victorian-era house, it’s a good size attic apartment. My new digs has a functioning bathroom, one of those stove-deals (I should really learn to use that at some point), and a couple of window AC units. With no fee and utilities included, I consider myself darn grateful. Thank you, cosmos! My faith is restored – though I warn you it will likely wavier again when I am in the middle of moving all of my crap across the U.S.

I learned some important things in my search for a greater-Boston-area apartment:

    Advertisements that say “steps” to the T can actually mean up to 3/4 mile. While I grant that 3/4 mile does require one to perform the action of stepping, I am not sure I would consider that distance to fall under the term “steps.”

    Taking an entire week to search for an apartment really would not have been time lost.

    People in Boston can be exceptionally nice. Yeah, I know, the gruff, abrupt folk run around the city as well. All through the past few days, though, many, many people really went out of their way to offer help.

    Landlords have a wide-range of interpretations about the meaning of the following words: studio, charming, one bedroom, efficiency, and clean.

    The really, really, really cool apartments rent within the first hour of being posted on Craigslist. I hate, btw, the person who ended up with the nifty one-bedroom across the street from Davis Square. Whoever you are, consider yourself on my Nixon-type list.

    No amount of money saved makes a 6:15am flight seem like a good idea.

    A 6:15am flight feels like an even worse idea if a tropical storm from the previous night cancels said flight.

    When one does not know about this same flight’s cancellation until after arriving at the airport, one can think of an astounding number curse words even after getting only four hours of sleep. Guess what happened to me this morning?

    Paying a fee for an agent might not have been a horrible idea given I had little idea of what I was doing.

    Boston has a substantially higher ratio of male beauty than Texas, but less than New Mexico.

Speaking of starting over, Lorraine and DaNator both asked about the ring/river deal in the previous entry's comments. I try not to allow subjects surrounding liar ex (who told many lies) to dominate the blog unless relevant to some other discussion. Believe me, I have enough gravitas to fill the blog without drawing on my extreme stupidity for wasting eight years with somebody so mediocre. Besides, liar ex (who told many lies) crosses my mind less and less each day.

Since they asked, though, I did carry out my decision to pitch my wedding band into the Rio Grande a few weeks ago. Because of an unusual amount of rain in Albuquerque, the river had a good amount of water. The ring made a satisfying “sploosh” sound as it hit the river. I am confident that its role in sustaining life in New Mexico will easily erase the negative energy vested in the ring.

Of course, the act of tossing the ring brought up a mix of feelings. As I have mentioned, some good memories still exist. Not every moment of those eight years, obviously, involved heartache – only the last year -- and maybe the first year -- well, that third year wasn't so great -- Hmm, that marriage sucked.

As I stood ready to toss the ring, though, I also thought about how much fun it must have been to be mean to me. The decisions that liar ex (who told many lies) made while ending the relationship showed a sleazy, selfish, cowardly inner character. I also thought about my own absurdity of taking this middling individual’s claims of having “evolved” beyond me seriously (Yes, he really said that).

I thought about one of our last conversations where his depraved indifference to my feelings became painfully clear. Liar ex (who told many lies) told me that I really didn’t have anything to complain about because it wasn’t like he was physically beating me (Yes, he really said that). Even now, I am dumbfounded by his ability to rationalize his actions in this way.

Liar ex (who told many lies) might have found another man as dumb as me to love him, but he sealed himself into always being my liar ex (who told many lies). Always. I can only hope that I will never become such a negative memory for somebody else.

I recognize that I failed to protect myself or demand to be treated in a way that I deserved. Instead, I set the bar extremely low by only asking that liar ex (who told many lies) provide a basic sense of stability and security. In the end, he could not even deliver that.

Now I am just glad that I only had to live with him for eight years. He has to live with himself for the rest of his life. I consider myself lucky in comparison. I would probably recommend avoiding being in physical proximity to him when all that bad karma he accrued decides to return to him. The karmic balance, it seems to me, has a special disdain for those who toss away positive energy, such as love, to pursue their own selfish agendas.

Tossing the ring reminded me also of my own gratefulness about starting my life over basically at zero in Boston. I am moving to a new city, have a new place to live, and an exciting fellowship opportunity for the year. I plan to fully enjoy my new-found freedom.

After that, who knows? I still have my job in Texas for the year after, but will also be keeping an eye on the job advertisements that will start appearing in late August. This year, though, should answer many of GayProf’s questions about his own life’s new directions. Does he want to live in a urban area like Boston? Or a quiet college community like Eastern Texas? What new fashion trends will he adopt?What types of new goals does he have for his research? Will he ever find those old glory short-shorts?

All of these questions and many more will be answered in the ongoing saga of The Center of Gravitas. Stay tuned.


Dorian said...

Congratulations on the new apartment! This really does sound like the start of an exciting year for you. And it can only be a good thing that you have a brand new batch of attractive men to look at while you're in Boston.

Adam said...

I am so excited for you and this post was so candid that I felt as if you were speaking to only me, so well written as usual. You're going to have a great time in beantown and I am espeically excited to see the new fashions you will adopt. In your absence I will keep on eye on Texas and will keep the liberal flame burning here in Dallas.

Cheers to you and cheers to a fresh start!

Atari_Age said...

Yay!!! LOL on the "steps to the T" thing. That's such a selling point that people really stretch the concept of being close to the subway/rail. If this were Manhattan it would be a different issue, but as it is, either you have a car or your home and work are very close to the T system.

It sounds like you had a rough weekend getting a place, but really you did good if you accomplished it in just a few days.

Dude, did you check on the flight status the night before? Or was the cancellation done at the last minute?

And lastly, are you already on your way home now? If so, hopefully we'll catch a drink when you officially arrive.ypjy

GayProf said...

Dorian: You and Pete should visit Boston and enjoy the attractive men with me!

Adam: How do you know I wasn't speaking only to you?

When I next return to Texas, I not only expect to see that you kept the liberal flame alive, but I want to find that you have been elected to the state legislature!

Atari-Age: I actually wrote this post yesterday, in the airport, waiting to leave Boston. They did not cancel the flight until I was already on my way to the airport. Grr.

After I move in the first week of August, I look forward to having that drink (or several) with you. In a totally not-an-alcoholic sort of way, just where are the best places to drink in the Boston?

Notsosecretadmirer said...

Best wishes to you for the coming year, Prof! I am very much looking forward to hearing more about your sojourn in Boston. There's a ditty about the town;

"Here's to the city of Boston
The land of the bean and the cod
Where Howells speak only to Cabots
And Cabots speak only to God."

Signalite said...

All the smart people I knew in high school ended up in Boston. They either became scientists or vanished into the big stone buildings. Good luck you there, sir!

Excuse if any requisite Lord of the Rings comments have gone around yet but I can't get this echo of "my preccciouss" ringing out of my ears.

dykewife said...

it's good karma that you got a nice place to live for the year.

remember what i said in my blog about handing your own power to someone else? that is definitely true in relationships. though i've been very lucky in that people kept handing it back. you can make your life what you want it to be and you can get the relationship that you want because you know you don't have to settle. someday, the lying ex who told many lies, will be just that asshole you know a long time ago.

keep taking care of you.

Chad said...

Congratulations and best of luck. It seems like you're optimistic about the coming months already.

Mike Prov1 said...

The Lowells talk to the Cabots, not the Howells.

Congratulations on finding a place to live. We look forward to hear your exploits in the Hub. Be sure to visit Provincetown this summer.

The best place to drink is that bah on the connah. (Check this out:

Discover seafood and abandon all hope of Mexican food. Try Italian and Greek. And Brazilian and Portuguese.

jpdc said...

I'm happy about your move and that you found a new place and all that stuff, but mostly I just had a blast reading about Liar-Ex. It should be dedicated to liar-exes everywhere, because they abound, and they tell many lies.

Roger Owen Green said...

Welcome to the East Coast! Actually, it seems that you've done well for yourself, finding an apartment so quickly that you've found acceptable.

I still have my ring from my ex. Don't know why, exactly. Maybe as a reminder...

Helen the Felon said...

It being Monday morning, and me being only halfway through my second cup of coffee, all I can think say is YAY! I think, though, that this is a fairly adequate response, because you know what I mean.


Larry said...

Gee, in a month or so, Boston will only be a couple hours away from me :)

goblinbox said...

My DH has responded to my 'complaining' by recommending I should be happy he doesn't beat me. As if physical violence is the only threshhold. The first time he said it, I kinda went, "Well, yeah, I mean, obviously I need to count my blessings..." but the next time he tried to pull that shit on me, I snorted at him and replied, "Oh, shut up. If you hit me, we wouldn't be having a relationship for me to 'complain' about, asshole." The third and final time he tried to get me to lay off by suggesting I should be happy he *only* ignored my reasonable requests and didn't beat me, I suggested to HIM that if he were ever so stupid in my presence again I'd be forced to poison his meatloaf.

Lazy, selfish people say really dumb shit sometimes, don't they.

I say HURRAH for tossing your ring to the Mother. She'll clean it up, and someone will find it one day and make up magical tales about it. Won't that be lovely?

Frank said...

Congrats on the new apartment! I have good feelings about you and Boston; onwards and upwards, GayProf!

Kate said...

Wow, an attic apartment in a Victorian home with utilities included, lucky you! I'm in a condo complex overlooking a construction wasteland (basically, an empty lot that Modern Continental has left all their rusting materials as they go bankrupt).

Kalvin said...

Hooray that you've found an apartment that you like. As for moving your things up to an attic, I think you'll question whether that was such a brilliant idea. It was nice to hear about liar ex. Nonetheless, he does seem to be shrouded in mystery for me as a reader, but perhaps that is the intent to leave him in the background/in the past/moving on. I'm sure you and Atari will have a wonderful time, and maybe he has a pair of those short shorts. You'll have to take pictures once you find them.

tornwordo said...

I'll have to come down and show you how to work the stove thingie. We are only 6 hours apart by car now.

Congrats on the new digs and the further processing of the demise of the relationship.

Dawn Of The Dad said...

I just happened across your blog. Mind if I stick around ;)

Good luck in Boston!

chiron said...

Congratulations!!! I know you'll love Boston!

Maria said...

i hope you have an awesome time in boston! i've really loved living here. there's always something to do. :D

notsosecretadmirer said...

Thanks for the correction,Mike Prov1. I was mixing up Boston with Gilligan's Island, ha! :>'

Wiccachicky said...

Well, I'm glad you found an apartment and excited for your year of exploration!! It's probably good to be rid of the ring at this point, especially if it's over. I got rid of my first engagement ring after a year or so when I realized I wouldn't have wanted to be married to that loser anyway (thank GOD we didn't go through with it because he, like your liar ex told many lies, and was out sleeping around [mostly with my best friend at the time]) so why keep a momento of something so painful? Best just to move on.

Lorraine said...

Congratulations on having a roof over your head. And thanks for the ring cycle. Whaever it cost you to revisit for our gratification was worth in it reminding all of us (me anyway) that love is good, lying is bad and karma will get you so just mind your damn self. And other stuff like that.

names said...

Kudos to you on finding an apartment. I have only had to search once in the 8 years I have lived here and it was a total nightmare. The only way to get a great, affordable place is timing and knowing someone.
That's the only way I have my current fabulous apartment. Within walking distance to campus and the T.
I can certainly show you several bars in Cambridge.
Good luck with the move!