What Has GayProf Done with His Life?

In the midst of Summer School ending, traveling to New Mexico, and planning for my move to Boston, I also celebrated my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Don’t fret if the day passed you by without notice this year. In about ten years, you will easily remember it because, of course, it will be a national holiday.

For those keeping score, GayProf now has 32 years under his belt. I feel neither particularly old nor young. Age generally doesn’t matter to me. Unless, of course, I happen to chat with an eighteen-year-old student, then I feel as ancient as Susan B. Anthony.

That aside, I like to get a sense of comparison between my life and others. Where were other people at age 32?

If I really were Susan B. Anthony, at the age of 32, I would be organizing the first woman’s state temperance society in the U.S. along with Elizabeth Caddy Stanton.

If I were Jacqueline Kennedy, I would only have one more year in the White House.



If I were Jesus, I would be dead in another year.

If I were Pierre Trudeau, I would be involved with Quebec’s Asbestos Strike.

If I were Mary Richards, I would have moved to Minneapolis two years ago.



If I were Emiliano Zapata, this would be the year that I issue the Plan de Ayala, my call for revolution under the banner "Tierra y Libertad."

If I were Pancho Villa, I would have another four years before I became instrumental in thwarting Huerta’s dictatorial ambitions.

If I were Harvey Milk, it would be another 15 years before I became the first openly gay elected official in a major U.S. city.

If I were GayProf, I would be planning on moving to Boston for the year to take advantage of a great fellowship. Oh, wait, I am GayProf.

If I were César Chávez, I would need another eight years before I founded the precursor to the UFW with Dolores Huerta.

If I were Dolores Huerta, I would found the precursor to the UFW with César Chávez this year.

If I were Kate Jackson, I would have left Charlie’s Angels two years ago. It would be another three years before I starred in Scarecrow and Mrs. King.

If I were Farrah Fawcett, I would have left Charlie’s Angels two years ago.

If I were Jaclyn Smith, I would be the last of the “original” Charlie’s Angels still on the show.



If I were James Dean, I would have been dead for eight years.

If I were Oscar Wilde, I would be in the middle of my United States tour.

If I were either of my parents, I would already have three children. The youngest would be four years old.

If I were Cher, I would be divorcing Gregg Allman this year. It would be four more years before I resurrected my acting career with Come Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean.

If I were Billie Holiday, I would be going to jail on drug charges.



If I were Walt Whitman, I would be busy writing the first edition of Leaves of Grass.

If I were Reies López Tijerina, it would be another four years before I founded La Alianza Federal de Mercedes. (You don’t even know who this is, do you?)

If I were Langston Hughes, I would publish The Ways of White Folks this year.

If I were That Girl’s Ann Marie, a decade would have passed since I first met Donald Hollinger.

If I were Scarlett O’Hara, I would have just realized that I actually loved Rhett Butler, not drippy Ashley Wilkes.



If I were Eva Perón, I would only have one more year of life.

If I were Malcolm X, I would have joined the Nation of Islam five years ago. The FBI would have opened a file on me four years ago.

If I were Franklin D. Roosevelt, I would be in the middle of my stint as Secretary of the Navy. Mmmm -- Sailors.

If I were Wonder Woman, I would age another 2,459 years before joining Patriarch’s world to fight crime.