For those keeping score, GayProf now has 32 years under his belt. I feel neither particularly old nor young. Age generally doesn’t matter to me. Unless, of course, I happen to chat with an eighteen-year-old student, then I feel as ancient as Susan B. Anthony.
That aside, I like to get a sense of comparison between my life and others. Where were other people at age 32?
If I really were Susan B. Anthony, at the age of 32, I would be organizing the first woman’s state temperance society in the U.S. along with Elizabeth Caddy Stanton.
If I were Jacqueline Kennedy, I would only have one more year in the White House.
If I were Jesus, I would be dead in another year.
If I were Pierre Trudeau, I would be involved with Quebec’s Asbestos Strike.
If I were Mary Richards, I would have moved to Minneapolis two years ago.
If I were Emiliano Zapata, this would be the year that I issue the Plan de Ayala, my call for revolution under the banner "Tierra y Libertad."
If I were Pancho Villa, I would have another four years before I became instrumental in thwarting Huerta’s dictatorial ambitions.
If I were Harvey Milk, it would be another 15 years before I became the first openly gay elected official in a major U.S. city.
If I were GayProf, I would be planning on moving to Boston for the year to take advantage of a great fellowship. Oh, wait, I am GayProf.
If I were César Chávez, I would need another eight years before I founded the precursor to the UFW with Dolores Huerta.
If I were Dolores Huerta, I would found the precursor to the UFW with César Chávez this year.
If I were Kate Jackson, I would have left Charlie’s Angels two years ago. It would be another three years before I starred in Scarecrow and Mrs. King.
If I were Farrah Fawcett, I would have left Charlie’s Angels two years ago.
If I were Jaclyn Smith, I would be the last of the “original” Charlie’s Angels still on the show.
If I were James Dean, I would have been dead for eight years.
If I were Oscar Wilde, I would be in the middle of my United States tour.
If I were either of my parents, I would already have three children. The youngest would be four years old.
If I were Cher, I would be divorcing Gregg Allman this year. It would be four more years before I resurrected my acting career with Come Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean.
If I were Billie Holiday, I would be going to jail on drug charges.
If I were Walt Whitman, I would be busy writing the first edition of Leaves of Grass.
If I were Reies López Tijerina, it would be another four years before I founded La Alianza Federal de Mercedes. (You don’t even know who this is, do you?)
If I were Langston Hughes, I would publish The Ways of White Folks this year.
If I were That Girl’s Ann Marie, a decade would have passed since I first met Donald Hollinger.
If I were Scarlett O’Hara, I would have just realized that I actually loved Rhett Butler, not drippy Ashley Wilkes.
If I were Eva Perón, I would only have one more year of life.
If I were Malcolm X, I would have joined the Nation of Islam five years ago. The FBI would have opened a file on me four years ago.
If I were Franklin D. Roosevelt, I would be in the middle of my stint as Secretary of the Navy. Mmmm -- Sailors.
If I were Wonder Woman, I would age another 2,459 years before joining Patriarch’s world to fight crime.