Friday, July 28, 2006

Going, Going...

Only a few days remain for me in Texas. My friends and I have reached that awkward stage when somebody is moving. A quiet distance develops as one becomes a sort–of-dead-man-walking. Every major trans-regional move that I have made resulted in the same awkward week of lame-duck friendship. Not much is really different, but there is that bitter sweetness of an immanent departure.

In addition to me leaving for the year, there are two other queer folk also departing this university. They made the wise choice to make their departure permanent. Boy, that makes here seem even smaller. The local gay community probably just lost a third of its out contingent.

There are many, many, many hours of packing ahead of me. I have to wonder, just why do I own so many goddamn books? Seriously – There are books that I have not read in over a decade. Others I don’t think that I ever read. Plus, they are really heavy. I don’t own any furniture, small kitchen appliances, or winter clothes to take with me to Boston, but I could open a history co-op.

My solution? I am storing my non-essential books in my Texas office for the year. This has meant traveling back and forth the past few days. I take the books from my office that I actually need for my research and replace them with books from my house that I don’t need. Have I mentioned how goddamn heavy books are? Academics are not known for our astounding feats of physical prowess.

Plus, I also need to take all of my tenure files with me to Boston so that I can revise them and send them back to Texas while I am away (I have no plans to return to Texas at all in the coming year, if I can help it). Then I still need to transfer all of my porn important files onto my new computer.

It’s times like these that I wished that I had a helper monkey. You know, like one of those cute little rhesus monkeys who can lift things with their tails. The great thing about rhesus monkeys, from what I understand, is that they always come in packs of two in a nifty orange wrapper.

Of course, though, you didn’t point your web-browser in my direction just to read about my moving woes. You came here because I am the most desirable man on the blogosphere. Or, according to my site meter, you were looking for pictures of either a circumcised or uncircumcised (depending on the hour) hung gay penis. Or you were looking for a picture of Cydney Bernard. Sorry about the disappointment(s). Life is suffering, darlings.

In the meantime, we can talk about the man in orange and green tights. I noticed at Crocodile Caucus that WB shelved their Aquaman television show. Poor Aquaman never can get much respect. Truth in advertising: I had Aquaman Underoos at the age of 4. Be aware this might impair my judgement.

Aquaman had his own franchise. Like Batman and Captain America, he also got a man-sex-slave sidekick named Aqualad. As a duo, though, they never really accomplished much.

During the seventies, his most memorable incarnation came on Superfriends. In that show, a giant seahorse seemed to be his only friend. Then, in the ninties, DC decided to give him a mullet. You know that mullets are always cool.

Turn-of-the-century Aquaman did not fare much better. The very, very, very extended cable show X-Play named the Aquaman video game the worst game – ever. Geez -- If people on channel 186 can give you a hard time, you know your celebrity has faded.





Nothing good seems to ever come Aquaman’s way. Somewhere along the way, he lost his hand and got a hook. Even Wonder Woman got tired of his soggy ways.

Aquaman never even got to talk with Charlie about the benefits of Starkist tuna. Of course, if Aquaman had talked with Charlie, perhaps he could have gotten to the bottom of Charlie’s self-loathing. Why did he want to be caught and eaten so badly? Charlie, you have a life to live! Embrace it.



I am sad that WB didn’t give Aquaman a chance. Don’t get me wrong – It looks god-awful and had almost nothing to do with the comic. Given, however, that a) WB produced it and b) It was set in an ocean setting, we could have been guaranteed many, many, many, many hunky men running around without their shirts. In truth, this seems to be all I want out of t.v. these days.

Give the square-headed lug a chance and download his pilot episode from itunes.

In the meantime, I will leave with the following video that Dorian pointed out to me. It pretty much gives you an idea of what I look like as I do my housework. I would also have no problem saying "Si" to ol' Pietro there.


20 comments:

Signalite said...

Mullets will never be cool because they keep trying to give me one whenever I get my haircut. What the hell.

kate.d. said...

i think the phrase is "lame duck", no? unless there is a particularly odd strand of documented friendship between ducks and lambs that i don't know about?

sorry to sound nit-picky, and i really shouldn't talk, since i thought it was "for all intensive purposes" for 23 years! but just wondering.

GayProf said...

Kate D.: Ooops. I will fix that right now. Which means, of course, that everybody will think that you are the crazy one.

dmbn said...

I downloaded the Aquaman pilot off of iTunes and was pleasantly surprised...I really liked it, and I'm most definitely NOT an Aquaman fanboy (although I am life long, avowed DC fan). You should give it a look if you can.

jpdc said...

The guy supposed to play Aquaman will now be playing someone else on Smallville this fall. Which means, he'll still pretty much be half-naked in every scene.

Doug said...

I thought I was the only one who expected nothing from T.V. but a parade of hunky shirtless guys. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Amazing how a little skin can make an otherwise dull, poorly-acted, corny show seem acceptable.

When are they coming out with the non-animated series of "The Ambiguously Gay Duo?"

Daniel, the Guy in the Desert said...

I am learning to embrace my love for Mullet doo's, and dammit, I'm proud!

Earl Cootie said...

I had a brief crush on Aquaman back in the seventies, but I got over it after a few issues. What does he do? Swim around? In tights? Yeah. Bound to save the world real quick with that.

Larry said...

In both of my rabid comic-fanboy phases I never once picked up an issue of Aquaman, but I do remember something about him losing a hand and getting a hook attached or something. Poor guy. Nobody loves him, and now he can't even love himself :)

tornwordo said...

It's not "for all intensive purposes"? Well what is it then?

I heart pietro.

Roger Owen Green said...

Tornwordo- "For all intent and purposes", which I always thought was an odd construction.

Chad said...

...I always thought the post-Peter David, bearded Aquaman was pretty hot.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Wow, Aquaman is real - Entourage from HBO the "mock" star show has the movie star making an Aquaman movie with James Cameron - turns out that wasn't a fictional character.

I am sorry you burdened with books to pack - the love hate relationship of "I want these books" and "I never want to move these book again"

When are you going to talk about the comics I was allowed to read (by my ultra conservative parents): namely Richy Rich and Christian version Archie comics. After long debate about whether a talking cat was idolitry, Garfield also made the cut.

bitchphd said...

I want to hear about the moving. I'm trying to decide if I should pack up my office stuff or not. I'm taking a year of "leave," but I really plan on finding a permanent job elsewhere and not coming back. But then if that happens, and I have stuff in my office, I have to come back just to pack my office shit? How awkward would that be? But if I go in and pack all my shit, then I don't look like I'm going on "leave." Plus it's such a hassle. And also, although I don't *intend* to come back, what if I decide to do it for some completely crazy reason?

I want to know what you're doing.

AnalisaGuzman said...

Just saying hello! I happened here by way of Prof Maggie...

Wayne said...

Good luck in Boston and Happy packing.

You know, I gave away every book I hadn't read for a decade and, you know, a great weight lifted from my shoulders (literally when it comes to moving)...and I stayed clever.

Wiccachicky said...

Academic folks DO tend to accumulate books. I have the same problem - I try to go through and purge once in a while...and usually find books that are 2 or 3 editions out of date! ;)

On Aquaman - the WB did a lot of shelving since they are merging into the CW. The CW's line up is very disappointing to me. I will miss the quirky little bad WB shows.

vuboq said...

I totally *heart* Aquaman, almost -but not quite- as much as I *heart* GayProf.

Why is this making me think of Patrick Duffy in Man from Atlantis. *swoon*

brett said...

grazie superman, indeed!


*swoon*



good luck with the move! packing is a nasty little bitch.

Alessandra said...

i like hoarding books especially when they're on sale. i usually pick the bestsellers or i go by my friends' recommendations. i've got boxes full of unread books in my attic which i plan to donate to a charity soon. know any good one? there's all kinds of literary genres so there's always something for everyone. i watched aquaman when i was a kid but i must admit superman was my crush back then. my current boyfriend's name is actually clark (but not kent) and i met him online thru webdate dot com. he's a great guy. no super powers though.lol.