Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label politics. Show all posts

Monday, October 15, 2012

The CoG Best Sellers List

Time sure is flying. With the start of the semester, I barely have time to read blogs much less write one. Apparently I am not alone in being in such a time crunch. It seems that the President is so busy that he doesn’t even have time to do those little things, like send flowers to Michele for their anniversary or prepare for a nationally televised debate. I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’. . .

The good news from GayProflandia is that NERPoD is having some modest success in terms of sales. Have you purchased your copy yet? It is also available for your nook or kindle.I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'. . .

Of course, no academic book can compete with the dozens of political tell-alls or "road maps to political oblivion" that appear each election cycle. All of this political publishing has me thinking about one of my favorite recurring features on CoG: The Best and Worst Seller List. Allow me to help you navigate which books would be likely to fly off the shelves and which would be reduced to the bargain bin.

    Best Seller: Occupy Sesame Street, by Big Bird

    Bargain Bin: Mr. Snuffleupagus is Real, George W. Bush

    Bargain Bin: Horse Dressage is More Interesting than My Husband and Other Regrets, by Ann Romney

    Best Seller: The Horrors of Horse Dressage, by Ann Romney’s Horse

    Best Seller: Who Lets These People Have Pets?: An Argument for Stricter Pet Adoption Laws, by Seamus Romney

    Best Seller: Blogging for Career Success! by Historiann and Tenured Radical

    Bargain Bin: Blogging for Career Success! by GayProf

    Bargain Bin: My Indian Heritage, by Elizabeth Warren

    Bargain Bin: My Mexican Heritage, by George Romney

    Bargain Bin: Tastes Like Type II Diabetes: Favorite Southern Recipes, by Paula Dean

    Bargain Bin: Tastes Like Hate: Favorite Chic-fil-a Recipes, by Dan Cathy

    Bargain Bin: Tastes Like Gerrymandering: Favorite Recipes for a Republican Victory, by Republican Controlled Legislatures

    Best Seller: A Bunny’s Tale: My Time as a Playboy Cocktail Waitress, by Gloria Steinem

    Bargain Bin: A Dumb Bunny’s Tale: My Time as a Cosmo Centerfold, by Scott Brown


    Bargain Bin: Union Busting Ain’t Just for Republicans Anymore, by Rohn Emanuel

    Best Seller: Not Enough Money in the World: A Fair Salary for Teaching Your Spoiled Brats, by School Teachers Everywhere

    Bargain Bin: Basic Female Biology, by Todd Aiken

    Bargain Bin: Smart and Fair Immigration Reform in Arizona, by Jan Brewer

    Best Seller: My Secret Life as a Podling, by Jan Brewer


    Bargain Bin: Say Anything: My New Plan to Get the Votes of the Despicable Leeches Who Compose 47 Percent of the Nation’s Population, by Mitt Romney

    Best Seller: We’re Not That Stupid, by 47 Percent of the Nation’s Population

    Best Seller: Hope and Change, by Barack Obama, 2008

    Bargain Bin: Lowered Expectations and the Status Quo, by Barack Obama, 2012

    Best Seller: The People Have Spoken and Now the People Must Suffer, by Hillary Rodham Clinton, 2008

    Best Seller: My Life in Pictures, by Michelle Obama

    Bargain Bin: My Life in Pictures, by Chris Christie

    Bargain Bin: Fifty Shades of Crazy, by Michele Bachmann

    Best Seller: Tips and Tricks for Being an Effective Public Speaker, by Bill Clinton

    Bargain Bin: Cigar Aficionado, by Bill Clinton

    Best Seller: Where Am I?, by Apple iPhone 5 Users


    Bargain Bin: Where Am I?, by Jim Lehrer

    Bargain Bin: The Gym is My Closet, by Paul Ryan *cough* What? How else do you explain a self-proclaimed "devout Catholic" with only three children? Either he is risking eternal damnation by using birth control or . . . I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’. . .

    Best Seller: No Respect: My Life as Politics’ Rodney Dangerfield, by Joe Biden

    Bargain Bin: Living a Clean, Natural Lifestyle, by Lance Armstrong

    Best Seller: Hulk Smash: My Life with Lance Armstrong, by Sheryl Crow

    Bargain Bin: Derivative Dribble Sells! by Adele

    Best Seller: That Adele Bitch Stole My Act, by Shirley Bassey

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

He Vuelto

I have returned. Actually, I returned, left, and then returned again. For those who aren’t currently stalking me and/or are honoring their restraining orders, I spent a considerable amount of time in Spain. Then, after an unexpected amount of work to do on the Never Ending Research Project of Doom (it lives up to its name), I took off again for fading-Midwestern-resort. It is all part of my mission to deliver my message of peace and love across patriarch’s world.

Being away from the bloggy has let me see what an important safety valve it can be for my gravitas. If I don’t vent it periodically it becomes really toxic. Eventually it leaks right into the ground water. I think a local fifth grade class might never have another happy thought for the remainder of the school year.

Let’s talk first about the (much more fabulous) trip to Spain first. My time in Spain happened to overlap with Michelle Obama’s time there as well. So this means that your First Lady and your queen were in Spain at the same time. Okay, I’ve been saving that joke for a long time.

I’ve mentioned previously that I was not raised in a bilingual household. My mother, being Irish American, spoke English during her childhood. My father’s parents, meanwhile, made the decision not to pass on Spanish to their children in the hopes that it would ease them into the mainstream U.S. There aren’t many things that I would argue about with my grandparents, but that is the big one (and my grandfather later expressed a good amount of regret about the idea). So, all this is to say that I am far, far, far, far, far from competent in Spanish and need to constantly take lessons just to maintain the basics. Thus, I thought, why not try classes in Spain for a change of pace? I heard that the language was popular there.



I can’t help but wonder why so many people in the United States are actively hostile to learning languages other than English. It’s not just that they see it as hard work (which it is), but they actually disdain the idea entirely. Not only that, many actually don’t want other people speaking different languages either. Perhaps this is some bizarre legacy of the British empire that the entire Anglophone world struggles to correct. Shortly before I left for my trip, I was out with some acquaintances when one of them noted that he wouldn’t want to travel anywhere that English wasn’t the main language. Gee, that only rules out 91 percent of the world where people grow up speaking a language other than English at home. Why do some Americans see such a parochial outlook as “okay?” Or recognize that it only limits their own options?



If many U.S. nationals disdain learning languages, they aren’t receiving much encouragement from their universities to change their mind. Languages and Literatures department are often some of the least funded units on campus and carry a radically heavy load of non-tenure-track instructors (who are paid next-to-nothing for their services). Many universities (including my own alma matter) even allow students to “opt out” of learning a foreign language by substituting something else instead (like computer programming). It pains me that one of the Ph.D. programs that I am involved with at Big Midwestern University currently has zero (0) language requirements for students studying the U.S. Apparently this nation maintains the fiction that it has never had populations who spoke Spanish, Japanese, Mandarin, Italian, Russian, German, Dutch...

Many Americans, as a result, just don’t want to even try to learn another language. Even while I was in Spain, a fellow student from the United States quite bizarrely refused to speak Spanish when outside of class. It’s easy to criticize (fun too), but why would you travel thousands of miles to work on a language that you only would use in academic settings?

This isn’t to say that I find working in languages other than English easy. Trust me – It is more than humbling to go from debating the finer points of enlightenment philosophy in your native language to discussing whether the ball is blue or orange in a new language. Plus, I have always had a lot of phobia about Spanish given that many people expect me to speak the language well (which I don’t). Taunts from my youth still haunt me. Nonetheless, to me it is almost as if I am performing a feat of magic when I communicate in another language. I say what I want and people actually respond! Magic!



Europe (except the UK) really seems to have much better attitudes about language learning than the U.S. Almost every person in my class who was from Europe learned Spanish as a third language. Given we border a Spanish-speaking country and a half a French-speaking country, it is really inexcusable that mastering another language isn’t taken as a serious intellectual challenge in the U.S.

This isn’t to say everything in Europe is perfect, of course. No matter where you go in the world, people of color are disproportionately stuck doing the shitty jobs. Spain certainly didn’t differ in that way. Likewise, Spain is in the thralls of heated anti-immigrant hysteria not terribly different than the U.S. and France. Every person I encountered was as frustrated with their government as most people in the U.S. are with our own.



It also seems to me that Bob Barker has apparently never visited Spain for every dog I saw on the streets had clearly not been neutered to help control the unwanted pet population. I hadn’t seen that many balls swinging in the breeze since I stumbled into that Toronto bathhouse. What? This isn’t a family blog.

Despite its many problems, though, the ordinary people on the street just didn’t feel as stressed out and angry as people in the U.S. appear these days. Perhaps it was my experience in Spain that made my second trip to fading-Midwestern-resort feel all the more jarring. A gentleman caller of mine happened to win an all expense paid weekend at Gargantuan Hotel and invited me to join him. To be honest, such vacations aren’t usually my ideal. Much of the appeal of fading-Midwestern-resort is its location in a quaint Midwestern town. Since I already live in a quaint Midwestern town, this seemed less of a selling point to me. I prefer urban destinations (Chicago, Philadelphia, my beloved Boston, etc) or to return to Paradise Island.

Fading-Midwestern-resort is also a place that is clearly shunned by the gays and minorities, probably because the rich, white, straight people who normally vacation there clearly don’t want them around. Why would gays vacation in cities where they don't have equal rights? Why subsidize a hateful economy with our hard earned cash? At the very least, I want any vacation to have at least one functioning gay bar. It is a sign of civilization and its absence made fading-Midwestern-resort feel even more archaic. Gentleman-caller convinced me nonetheless because, even though there weren’t any gay bars, the winning expense allotment would more than generously provide for a number of Manhattan Cocktails. In the end, maybe that’s all I really need.



What struck me about the two trips being so close together is the clear level of white, entitled anger that permeated fading-Midwestern-resort. The vacationing people on the island were a) clearly quite well off financially and b) supposed to be enjoying a leisurely holiday. Nonetheless, it seemed like every time I turned around all I heard was people obsessing about how they thought Obama had done them wrong and how this country was “on the road to socialism.” They were also numerous, numerous anti-immigrant statements. This occurred despite the fact that the very resort that was catering to them at that very moment clearly depended on immigrant labor. It was astounding to me that an entire island’s worth of people who are so fortunate (especially in a region with the highest unemployment) could continue to demand more and more of the pie. They have everything that they could possibly want and yet it simply wasn’t enough. Much to my horror, they also managed to say that every African-American waiter who served them “looked like Obama.” I find it unlikely that I will ever return to fading-Midwestern-resort.

It did make me wonder, though, if the lack of desire to learn another language is a symptom of the same problem that now plagues our political discussions. Are so many people in the U.S. simply unwilling to learn another point of view or perspective?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Please Don't Give

Months have passed and I am still having a hard time losing the extra pounds that I gained during the last holiday cycle. This has meant that, with the flexibility of summer, I am trying to maintain my regular gym schedule at least until I depart for an extended trip. My time at the local sports club involves a singular vision of trying to improve my gayish figure.

My steely cold determination was briefly interrupted the other day. Two kindly older men stealthily flanked me as I scanned my membership card. If I were still in TexAss, I’d fear that they were on a mission to save my soul. Given that I was in Midwestern Funky Town, I suspected that they were on a mission to save some whales.

“Would you like to make a donation of blood today?” the eldest one asked with a pleasantly grandpa-demeanor. See? Midwestern Funky Town is so nice. “Sorry,” I responded, “I would like to, but I’m gay and they won’t take my blood.”

No sooner had the words left my mouth than a sudden wave of “stop” swept across the gym reception area. You might have thought that I had reached into my gym bag for a rubber chicken, slapped them in the face with it, and then wet the floor. They didn’t have the look of a deer in headlights. They had the look of somebody who saw a deer driving a car while smoking a cigar. Something had just been said that made no sense at all to them.



Surely many people had declined the opportunity to donate blood through the day. I couldn’t have been unique in that way. For the first time, though, they were faced with a totally unexpected reason why I wouldn’t (actually can’t) donate. They looked at me nervously before regaining their composure.

“No, that’s not true!” they exclaimed in unison. “They want everybody to donate!” Many people do not know that there is a ban on men-who-have-had-sex-with-men (MSM for short) from donating their blood. Unless you donate blood (and you should), you don't need to really think about the blood ban or be informed about it. It did surprise me, though, that the volunteers for the Red Cross were as unaware. It was at this point that I realized I was going to have a queer education moment. Man, all I wanted to do was lose a few pounds before heading to Spain. Next thing you know, I have to wade into thorny questions of health policy.

One of the nice men brought out the guidelines for blood donation. “I’m sure you’ve been misinformed,” he said to me sweetly, “All you have to do is answer these questions.” He quickly skimmed through the list and, much to his surprise, found the bit that refuses blood donations from “a male who has had sexual contact with another male, even once, since 1977.” Now, I don’t like to brag, but I have had sexual contact with another male more than once in the era post 1977.



This measure is a hold over from the bad ol’ Reagan days. The Food and Drug Administration, reacting to some real cases of HIV infection from blood transfusion, developed these guidelines circa 1983. It’s hard to remember, but so little was known about the disease and the panic so great that the FDA’s decisions appeared sensible in the mid eighties.

Much has changed since that time. Testing and screening of blood has become much more advanced. Alas, the FDA refused to revisit the ban on gay donors this past June. It seems a darn shame to me as donating blood is one of the easiest forms of community service one can do. Trust me, I’d much rather have a needle in my arm for 10 minutes than spend hours picking up trash on some highway somewhere.

I first donated blood all the way back in high school. Back then, since I was deeply in the closet and not having sex with anybody else, I had no problem answering those questions. Once I came out of the closet and my consciousness was raised, so ended my blood donating days. If the ban were not in place, I'd be more than happy to start donating again (GayProf always plays safe and has himself tested regularly like all good little gay boys).



The FDA reasons that MSM are simply too great of a risk group. I understand the logic there and the FDA authoritatively tosses out some pretty grim statistics about the prevalence of HIV among gay men. There is a pesky problem, though, that HIV is also prevalent in other populations. African Americans accounted for over half of the new HIV diagnoses in this country for the past several years. Likewise, Latinos accounted for 18 percent of new cases. I shudder to think of the FDA announcing a policy that refused blood based on one’s racial background.

About a third (31 percent) of new HIV infections occur from “High Risk Heterosexual Contact” according to the CDC. Young heterosexual women, in particular, are being diagnosed with HIV at alarming rates. Every 35 minutes in this country a heterosexual woman is informed that she has tested positive for HIV. Many heterosexual women continue to naively imagine that “safe sex” for them only involves avoiding pregnancy. They might be surprised to learn that HIV infection was the leading cause of death for black women aged 25–34 years; the 3rd leading cause of death for black women aged 35–44 years; the 4th leading cause of death for Hispanic women aged 35–44 years. Overall, HIV infection is the 5th leading cause of death among all women aged 35–44 years and the 6th leading cause of death among all women aged 25–34 years.

Yo, stratighties -- Use a condom!



If the FDA was really interested in cutting down the odds of blood donations that might be HIV+, then they should start an active campaign targeting the population the least affected by HIV: lesbian-exclusive women. Imagine how differently the world would look if we depended upon lesbians for our nation’s blood supply. They could ask for everything from equal-pay-for-equal-work to a law requiring sensible shoes.

I won’t entirely fault the FDA and other agencies for taking measures that they imagine will reduce the risk of HIV infections in the nation. They also aren’t alone as the same standards are used by Canada and the EU (Yep, even Canada). It seems to me, though, that the ban on gay men provides a false sense of security and continues to erroneously construe HIV as being mainly a gay male issue. The policy also presumes that one’s safe-sex practices (among others) aren’t the real concern. Rather, it takes a short cut by implying that all man sex is scary and dangerous and hetero sex is a-okay (unless you pay for it).

Because acceptance of gay men and lesbians increased exponentially over the past decade, many people assume that the fight for our basic rights is basically over. It is important to bare in mind, though, that being treated as a second class citizen is not just about being denied rights for things you might want in your personal life (equal marriage, partner benefits, the ability to adopt human worm larvae). Second class citizens are also prevented from contributing to the collective whole, like serving in the military or participating in blood drives.

The volunteers were clearly a bit hurt to find out that I was right about the gay ban. To them, donating blood must have seemed like such an obvious social good that it couldn't possibly involve any political concern. It must have been like finding out that your favorite, sweet old aunt had secretly been sending money to the Ku Klux Klan for years.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Teach It!

Big Midwestern University has one of the shortest breaks between semesters in the entire nation. My loyal readers might imagine that the past six weeks have been spent lounging about without a care in the world. Not so! I have been trying to navigate the pressing demands of multiple academic departments while also feigning that I have a personal life.

My last nerve being worked over, though, isn’t the topic of this post. Rather, it is the alleged crisis facing humanities on our nation’s campuses.

A couple of weeks ago, the New York Times ran an article entitled “Making College ‘Relevant’.” It turns out that the model of liberal education in place in this nation for the past 160 years has been totally disconnected to the lives of those who obtained degrees. Thankfully, a new group of extremely savvy students and their parents are finally asking the right question: Which majors pay the big bucks?

I know it’s easy to be flippant about those desires (fun, too). Let me be clear: It’s not that I begrudge the reasonable expectation that time and expense invested into a university should result in a graduate’s ability to earn a basic income that meets hir basic needs. Those of us who are in Race and Ethnic Studies units have long known parents' desires to steer their children away from our classes to something “useful.” After all, if one’s child is the first generation to attend college, parents don’t want to see it “wasted” on an “impractical” degree. I get it.

I am under no illusion that humanities fields are a sure path to financial wealth and fame. What I do begrudge is that universities are being driven by some rather base impulses. Few faculty, and even fewer administrators, are on the front lines defending the larger role of universities as sites of intellectual inquiry (especially for the humanities). The push to treat students as consumers has resulted in the tail wagging the curriculum dog. And that’s resulting in one nasty, mangy mutt of academia.



Should we really celebrate the Literature Department at the University of Texas bending its curriculum by having classes focused on résumé writing, networking, and interviewing? If those aren’t the topics covered by the Business School already, just what are they learning over there?

Other departments shouldn’t be upstaged by those enterprising literature professors! Why not have the philosophy professors build their classes on existentialism around the modern U.S. tax code? Or have lessons on table etiquette in your history class? “Remember students, the peasants were starving in the years leading to the French Revolution,” a typical lecture might go, “but if you want to rock it like Marie Antoinette, just remember that the salad fork goes on the far outside of the table setting! She might have lost her head, but she never lost track of her water glass because it was always positioned on her upper right!” Finally, some sensible real-world advice from a history professor!



For me, being engaged with the humanities is not some optional luxury like heated seats in a gas-guzzling SUV. Learning from the humanities is necessary to be a thoughtful citizen of the world. Humanities scholarship reminds us, as individuals and as a society, that we are more than our jobs or the amount of money in our bank accounts. It also prompts us to consider that our own perspectives and experiences are not universals that account for all other humans.

The benefits and unique role for humanities courses at universities has slowly been eroding over the past decade (or longer). Humanities professors' unwillingness to defend their disciplines has allowed the the consumer-driven model of higher education to take root. We have more-or-less capitulated to the notion that we aren’t doing anything really important unless the students tell us we are.




Time was that professors’ abilities were imagined to be measured by the skills that their students received upon exiting their classes. Well, stop the bus, Betty, because those days are over. Legislatures are slashing funds left and right from universities. American taxpayer greed is reaching a new high. Universities and colleges have little choice but to increasingly depend upon tuition dollars to keep the lights glowing.

This means that students are no longer seen as individuals who will be educated, but as consumers who must be placated. Side effects of this trend have included a new tyranny of student evaluations; a push to make classes as “cost efficient” (read: ginormous) as possible; and occasional dry mouth. Humanities professors’ success does not depend upon the amount of knowledge or content covered during the semester. Instead, our main goal has moved more and more to entertaining those consumers. Professors who keep their students rolling in the aisles with laughter are seen as “good teachers.” Why are university professors being held to a higher standard than NBC holds for its late-night talk show hosts?



We are all now subject to tedious programs from (what HistoriAnn has dubbed) Centers for Teaching Illusions. These centers are often created by university officials to prove to parents how totally seriously their institution takes teaching; but they are regularly staffed by people with a ph.d. in almost anything except the theories and practices of learning. As far as I can tell, most of these centers also take the student evaluation as the ultimate benchmark for a professor’s “success” in the classroom.

It’s not that I don’t think that professors should reflect on teaching strategies, goals, and methods. Nor do I discount that student feedback is an important element in that reflection. For instance, I have had students note that there was a gap in the material covered that they wanted to learn. I have changed my courses when such comments emerge.

I do reject, though, that students are always the best assessors of what they need in the classroom. If that were so, they wouldn’t be, you know, students.

Perhaps my sensitivity to these trends has to do with my own intellectual autobiography. My model for teaching stems from courses that were incredibly influential in shaping my academic thinking and training. Travel with me now as we go back to the time when I was not GayProf, but rather GayUndergrad.



Like everybody in their late teens and twenties, GayUndergrad was quite certain that he knew how the world worked and how his life would turn out. I was a serious student, but often exhausted because I was also working nearly full time (That’s another story for another time). I do remember that there were “fun” professors. And I also remember two professors that I really didn’t like very much while I was in their classes. One taught Theories of Anthropology and the other Feminist and Queer Studies (FQS).

Looking back, it’s clear that they both cared that their students learn how to think in new ways. Let me tell you, though, they never gave a fuck about funny.

They expected us to write research papers using methodologies that we learned in class. This was not something that I appreciated at the moment that I took either class. Why? My time was precious and they were some pretty demanding taskmasters for three credit hours. AnthroProf shockingly expected us to read actual academic journals and to contemplate the underlying premise that informed the articles that we encountered. She seemed nuts.



When I signed up for the feminist-and-queer-studies prof, I remember thinking it would be a breeze. How hard could it be to complain about sexism, racism, and homophobia? These were topics I thought that I knew quite well. Turns out, it’s a lot harder than I make it seem on this blog.

The FQSProf for that class took to task our facile identity politics. Sure, GayUndergrad identified as “lefty” as did most of the students in the class (and, thus, we were predisposed to take such a course in the first place). She pushed us beyond simplistic notions of “good” and “bad” stereotyping; to think about the ways race, gender, and class intersect in daily lives; and to consider how racial, gender, and sexual ideologies inform relationships of power. For the early 1990s, it was heady stuff. It was also stuff that required lots of reading and time, which made me a little bitter (Or, er, bitterer).



As a student in each of these classes, I knew that I was working hard and that hard work made me not like my professors very much. What I did not appreciate was that the hard work in those classes would turn out to be so foundational later on in my academic career. Indeed, I was often way ahead of students in subsequent undergraduate classes who had not yet been exposed to the dense theories covered in those classes. It is also no exaggeration to say that I probably would have failed horribly in graduate school had I not taken those two classes as an undergraduate. Indeed, most of the “fun” or “easy” undergraduate classes that had seemed so great turned out to be almost totally useless later in my life. Sometimes I even look at my transcript and find it hard to remember anything from some of the "fun" classes listed there.



But what would happen to my anthro and FQS classes under the emerging standards for humanities? Efforts to keep at bay poor student evaluations would also likely mean reducing the work load, avoiding complicated challenges, and gearing the material to specific careers in the business world. I find it hard to believe that these classes would have generated as much impact if part of our time went into discussing what type of paper stock makes the best résumé.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Confirming Racism

Barack Obama has had a difficult relationship with two (sometimes overlapping) constituencies within the Democratic Party: Latinos and the gays. He never really won over either group during the tense primary season. Despite that fact, both groups nonetheless voted overwhelmingly for him in the general election (Before Clinton apologists jump on this, it is important to note that her stated positions toward both groups were almost identical to Obama’s – I have serious doubts her administration would have acted any different in these issues).

One would have imagined that Obama would therefore be more mindful of Latinos and gay concerns so that they remained on his side. Turns out, not so much.

For the gays, his administration has decided that we are expendable and is more than happy to toss us aside. He recently allowed his administration to file a legal brief comparing gay marriage to incest. Not only won’t Obama support equal marriage rights, but he has even balked at upholding the right of queer folk to serve their nation’s military. In place of real justice, he invited a few select A-list gays to the White House for a cocktail party.

During the campaign, Obama pledged to be a good “friend” to the queer community. Apparently Mr. Obama doesn’t see friendship as being about recognizing our basic equality before the law. Friendship seems to mean serving some soggy appetizers and watered-down cocktails in the East Room.

Or maybe Obama wants us to be the equivalent of adolescent “secret friends.” It’s cool if we come over to his house and play video games, but he doesn’t want the popular kids at school knowing that we hang out. He has his reputation to consider.

Latinos have not fared much better under Mr. Obama. Political considerations prompted him to appoint the notoriously anti-immigrant Arizona governor Janet Napolitano to head Homeland Security (the bureau that currently controls immigration for the entire U.S.). Obama also largely ignores Latin America until an absolute crisis forces him to pay attention.

He was, however, willing to throw [straight] Latinos a bone by nominating Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court. Don’t get me wrong – That’s a pretty good bone. There is lots of meat on it and all the marrow is intact. We could be chewing on it for decades to come. Well, that’s assuming that Nepolitano doesn’t deport us all.

Merely being Latina, though, is not enough to draw the support of the Latino community. After all, the Bushie administration frequently floated Alberto Gonzales’s name as a potential nominee to the Supreme Court. Latinos rarely supported the idea, even before Gonzales contracted that crippling case of amnesia that seemed to tear his life apart.



Still, I generally like Sotomayor. By all accounts, she has been a remarkably thorough and deliberate judge. What really sealed the deal for me was when she broke her ankle while traveling to meet with the Senate. Not only did Sotomayor still make her flight, she hobbled her way up the steps of Capitol Hill without missing an appointment. There is a woman who wants a job! Well, who can blame her given how high the unemployment rate is these days? I hear that Supreme Court Justice gig comes with a nice benefits package, maybe even dental!

Sotomayor’s path from nomination to confirmation has exposed the general public’s ambivalence about discussing race in the nation. Republicans know that they are in a precarious position with the public. Voters appear to finally have had it after decades of Republican mismanagement, corruption, and a disregard for the welfare of the majority of citizens. Since most Republicans don’t actually want to change their positions, they see their best bet at victory as whipping up hate. Hey, it worked for Bushie in 2004. Despite having driven the nation into the ground (and spending most of his time on vacation), he could still build a winning reelection campaign based on homophobia, anti-immigrant hysteria, and unending war. Republicans see a prime chance to use common racism as a means to get back into the limelight (They also conveniently ignore that it was Bush I who appointed Sotomayor to the U.S. District Court).




At the instant of her nomination, Republicans attacked viciously. Newt Gingrich and the various pundits declared her a “racist.” Mitt Romney declared her nomination “troubling.” Religious zealot Mike Huckabee released a scathing statement slamming Sotomayor. Of course, Huckabee was a bit confused and called her “Maria” Sotomayor rather than her actual name, Sonia Sotomayor. Apparently Huckabee just assumes that all Latinas are named Maria. Yeah, but Sotomayor is the “racist.”

More than anything else, Republicans have seized on Sotomayor’s now infamous statement that “a wise Latina woman” might make decisions about the law differently than an individual of another race or gender. If we are to believe Republicans, apparently Sotomayor will use her seat on the Supreme Court to institute a bloody race war that will only end when Puerto Rico has triumphed and enslaved the rest of the world.

Of course, Republicans also argue that Sotomayor is going to take away everybody’s guns. So, I guess it will be a race war fought with banana-cream pies.



What I find astounding about the whole debate is that we are seemingly expected to believe that the Supreme Court in the United States, up until this point, has been somehow “race blind.” If we accept what the Republicans are saying, then Sotomayor would radically alter the court because she *gasp* might be influenced in her interpretations of the law by her racial and gender identities.

Actually, the Supreme Court has often made decisions with racial implications (if not directly influenced by race). These were decisions that upheld a racial hierarchy within the United States by interpreting the Constitution in particular ways that benefited white men. They were also decisions made exclusively by white men.

Indeed, it was often cases involving race that helped solidify the Supreme Court’s authority within the U.S. Of course, there are the well-known ones: In Dred Scott v. Sandford, the Supreme Court ruled that the drafters of the Constitution considered African Americans “so far inferior that they had no rights which the white man was bound to respect.” In Plessy v. Ferguson, the Supreme Court ruled the forced separation of the races was just dandy. Other cases, though, are not as frequently discussed. In the 1831 Cherokee Nation v. Georgia, the Supreme Court ruled that Native-American tribes existed in a type of legal limbo as “domestic dependent nations.”

As residents in Puerto Rico, Sotomayor’s family felt the implications of the Supreme Court’s power directly. In 1901, the U.S. Supreme Court case Downes v. Bidwell more-or-less defined that island (and other occupied U.S. territories) as a colony of this nation. While ostensibly about taxes, the Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution did not extend to Puerto Rico or its inhabitants because it was merely a “possession” of the United States.



The majority of justices couldn’t find a consensus about how the law permitted that to be true. Instead, they submitted five different opinions, none of which received a majority endorsement. The one with the most support explained that Puerto Rico “was foreign to the United States in a domestic sense.” In other words, Puerto Ricans just didn’t “fit in” with the rest of the U.S. They spoke a different language, looked different, and had different customs. As a result, the U.S. did not legally have to treat Puerto Rico as an equal part of the nation. One might hope that, had a Puerto Rican been on the Supreme Court in 1901, that ze might have objected to such logic (no matter how based in the “law” it was).

Such rulings, which certainly had racial implications, have had long-term implications that have yet to be resolved. The Pew Hispanic Center just recently released a report on Puerto Rican demographics in the fifty states. Today, more than four million Puerto Ricans live in the mainland United States, slightly more than live on the actual island of Puerto Rico (which, btw, is still a U.S. possession without a voting member of Congress – All Puerto Ricans are U.S. citizens). Puerto Ricans are the second largest Latino population in the U.S., but are far overshadowed by Mexicans and Mexican Americans. Puerto Ricans account for only 9 percent of the total Latino population in the U.S., but Mexicans and Mexican Americans are a substantial majority (constituting 64 percent of the total Latino population). Puerto Ricans, like all Latinos, have less access to education and earn less than the general population. They also have lower rates of homeownership, lower than even the rate for Latinos overall.

So, it doesn’t surprise me that Sotomayor might have a particular take on the law based on her background. Of course, accusations that one’s racial and gender identities would bias their decisions is not something that seems to come up when white men are appointed to the court. The current Chief Justice, John Roberts, sailed through the confirmation process. Shortly thereafter, in 2007, the Supreme Court ruled that Seattle, Washington’s defacto segregated school system did not violate the rights of minority students. The Court thus severely limited the ability of all the nation’s schools to consider race as a means to achieve integration. Roberts glibly promised that pretending that race doesn’t matter in this nation will make it so. “The way to stop discrimination on the basis of race,” he wrote, “is to stop discrimination on the basis of race.”



Did you hear that, people? Simply stop being racist and racism will be over. Why didn’t we think of that before? It’s all so simple! All these centuries and it took such a brilliant jurist to simply say, “stop discriminating based on race.” Oh, brave new world!

How can one not but conclude that Roberts’ naïve assumptions about racism are the result of his elite background and status as a middle-age white man? One guesses that he probably still believes that it was his clapping that brought Tinkerbell back to life.

The legal and social status quo means inequity for Puerto Ricans and other Latino groups (Not to mention women, other racial minorities, queer folk. . .) Existing injustices, some of which are written into our laws, are the legacy of racism in this nation. That can’t be wished away.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

The Trouble with Geithner

Unlike others in my region, I did not mourn Rick Wagoner’s recent dismissal from GM. On the contrary, I have long believed that all of the CEO’s and boards in the auto industry needed a clean sweep. Wagoner, after all, was the genius behind the Hummer – The vehicle that came to symbolize American automakers disdain for the environment or basic common sense. It also showed the clumsiness of U.S. design. As one critic remarked, it was quite possible the only vehicle that could be larger than most standard highway lanes and yet still feel cramped inside the cabin. That takes a special type of incompetence.

Like many people, though, I also see the decision to target the auto industry as being a poor substitute for taking a hardline stance against the much more corrupt banking industries in the nation. It’s hardly a secret that the Obama administration, after embarrassing revelations that they allowed AIG to issue millions of dollars in “retention bonuses,” decided to try to look tough by kicking the dying horse that is the auto industry.

I am always confused by why Obama gives the banks a free pass while he trashes the auto industry (Who, it must be remembered, is asking for a fraction of the money as a loan that the banks are asking for as a flat-out grant). First, why would we want to retain (through bonuses, nonetheless) the banking executives who destroyed their companies? If bonuses are given because it is imagined that these executives would find a job elsewhere, I say let them try. What would they put on their resume? Somehow I think it will be hard to market yourself by including statements like, “I was a key architect for Bank of America’s financial strategies right up to its unfortunate bankruptcy.” My guess is that they couldn't even get a job at a McDonald's drive-in.

The bonuses became even more egregious when it was revealed that many of those “retentions” went to people who no longer worked for the company at all. So, we are paying to "retain" people who already quit or were fired? There is a sound business plan.

Don’t get me wrong – There is much to trash about the auto industry, too. Unlike the banks, though, at least they produce a real, tangible product at the end of the day. It might not be a product that anybody actually wants to drive, but at least you can put your hands onto it. What have the banks given us other than fees, crushing interest rates, misery, and greed?



Much of the blame for this problem falls to Obama’s obstinate refusal to dismiss his failed economic advisers, especially the creepy and crooked Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner. Very few people (except me) objected to his appointment back in the day. What has become abundantly clear, though, is that GayProf was right – as usual. Geithner has no idea what he is doing; is too wiling to get into bed with banking executives; and is just, well, creepy. Even today he had to answer allegations that his office was going to sidestep Congressional imposed restrictions on CEO’s pay.

Nobody seemed to care that Geithner had zero (o) academic degrees in economics. Nor did they seem particularly concerned that he had a history of taking jobs for which he was woefully unqualified. The Financial Times reported that, when he (mysteriously) became the head of the New York Fed back in 2003, Geithner needed to bring in tutors for an hour each day to teach him the basics of macroeconomics.



I had no idea we could do that as a career strategy! Tomorrow I am going to apply for a position as the head of neurosurgery at the university hospital. Okay, so I haven’t had an anatomy class since high school; but I’m sure that I can hire some resident for an hour everyday to bring me up to speed.

Those tutors seem to have done a great job with Geithner. One can only assume that he skipped the lesson on regulation in My First Macroeconomics Workbook.

But Geithner in many ways is just a product of his mentor, the cartoonish Lawrence Summers (currently Obama’s Director of the National Economic Council). You might best remember Summers as the failed president of Harvard who once speculated that most women lacked the ability to do complex math and science. What you might not know, though, is that such sexist statements were just one whistlestop on the crazy train that has been Summers’ career.

Way back when Summers served as the chief economist of the World Bank, he advocated exporting pollution to “less developed countries” of the world. “I think the economic logic behind dumping a load of toxic waste in the lowest wage country is impeccable,” Summers wrote in an infamous memo, “I’ve always thought that under-populated countries in Africa are vastly UNDER-polluted.”



Yeah, where do those people in Africa get off not sharing the burden of our pollution? I mean, just because they produce minor amounts in relation to their percentage of the population doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t take their fair share of cancer and birth defects. One can imagine Obama’s distant relations in Kenya getting a surprise package from the U.S. on their doorstep. “What did cousin Obama send us?” they would ask as they tore open the gift wrap, “A box of industrial sludge?!?! Oh, man, we are not inviting him to the next family reunion.”

On Friday, the New York Times reported that Summers had received $5 million last year from the hedge fund D. E. Shaw and collected $2.7 million in speaking fees from Wall Street companies that received government bailout money. Gee, no conflict of interest there.

Obama claims to enjoy reading history. He might read a bit more about other presidents who obstinately retained unpopular cabinet officials. We can think of LBJ’s tragic presidency and the retention of Robert McNamara as Defense Secretary. JFK appointed McNamara to the position despite his having no experience in defense at all (Coincidentally, he was an executive at Ford Motor Company). McNamara showed that he had no idea at all how to handle the situation in Vietnam, at first advocating a massive escalation in troops and later conceding that the war was basically a failure. In the middle, he constantly claimed near victory through a dehumanizing use of “body count” statistics. He was widely despised by the end of his tenure in 1968. Though he had a strained relationship with LBJ (who wanted an even higher body count), the President retained him despite his unpopularity.

Or we can think even more recently of little Bushie-Junior’s obstinate refusal to dismiss Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary. It was only after a resounding rejection from the U.S. public that Bush finally conceded that his administration needed pragmatic help in the form of Robert Gates rather than an ideologue like Rumsfeld.

Or, thinking again of Bushie, we can remember his staunch defense of Michael Brown, Director or the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), after Katrina. Does Obama really want to be remembered saying, “You’re doing a heck of a job, Geithnery”?



Obama should take heed at the huge personal costs that these presidents paid for refusing to dump the dead weight in their administrations. The public will ultimately blame the president for keeping the incompetent in office.

But Obama could also learn some valuable lessons from his most favoritist president, Abraham Lincoln. One gets the impression that Obama loves Lincoln so much that he sleeps with a picture of him under his pillow. What Obama seems to have missed, though, is that Lincoln had little problem firing people, sometimes ruthlessly. Lincoln’s first Secretary of War, Simon Cameron, served less than a year in the position. When Cameron became mired in scandal, Mr. Lincoln more-or-less packed his bags for him. He also permitted Caleb Smith, his Secretary of Interior, to depart after a year in office despite their once close relationship.

Perhaps most importantly, Lincoln fired and reorganized the military structure of the Union Army numerous times until it won decisive victories. Lincoln wanted results, plain and simple. If an appointed general didn’t deliver, Lincoln showed him the door. Indeed, he even fired George McClellan despite his astounding popularity with the troops. Given that McClellan later lost the Presidency to Lincoln in 1864, it seems that the latter was vindicated in issuing a pink slip.



I appreciate that Obama decided to clean house at GM. He might, though, take a closer look back at home. That Treasury Department has a layer of dust an inch thick. Obama needs to break out the ol’ Swifter before the whole administration gets asthma.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Obama Nation

Like millions of U.S. citizens and people around the world, I watched Barack Obama’s inauguration with keen attention, enthusiasm, and a bit more emotion than I expected. There are many things that we will be talking about for the next few weeks: the new president’s implicit (and sometimes explicit) indictment of his predecessor’s failed policies and arrogance; the Chief Justice stumbling over the oath of office (Gee, for those who imagined John Roberts as a strict Constitutionalist, they might have been surprised to find that he couldn’t be bothered to learn the 35 words needed from the document for the day); the call for U.S. citizens to work hard; Aretha Franklin’s decision to say something with a hat.

Then there was the prominent place given to the creepy nominee for Treasury Secretary, Timothy Geithner, at the luncheon. I’m not saying that Geithner is a crook. If I were on the staff at the Capitol, though, I would have made sure to count the silverware before letting him leave. He seems to have trouble knowing what is his and what belongs to the government.

Most importantly from the day, though, I did have the surge of hope. Somewhere in the middle of Bush’s second term, I could no longer even watch the news because the sound of his arrogant voice sent me into a tailspin. Sure, I kept informed by reading about the day’s events, but live-action shots were out of the queston. It was an astounding day of relief that we now have a president who is smart, kind, and at least wants to do the right thing for the nation and world. Basic competence is so refreshing!



Much like election day, though, Obama’s inauguration proved bittersweet for queer folk. While I hardly think that the inclusion of homophobic Christian minister Rick Warren is tantamount to sending gay folk to concentration camps, it didn't really suggest that the gays are anything other than a second thought for the new administration (as are Latinos, I might add). Most of us want to believe in his soaring rhetoric and promises of justice (VUBOQ sent me the link to the WH’s promises for LGBTQ people). It's clear, though, that all us queers are going to have keep pushing that gay agenda. Fortunately, unlike the previous administration, this one appears willing to listen and open to being convinced.

Since I am sure that the new administration is waiting breathlessly to know the recommendations of an obscure blogger, here are some of my own ideas for Obama’s first 100 days in office:


    * Mobilize your landslide victory and astounding approval ratings for rapid changes. I appreciate being cautious, but the people actually support you. Use the rosy glow of their approval to accomplish your priorities: Economic stimulus? Foreign Relations overhaul? Painting the White House a nice mauve color? Whatever you think is the most important issue, do it now while there is still time. Except the people who live in Texas and South Carolina, all of us are behind you 110 percent.

    * Crush Texas and South Carolina.

    * Give Michelle Obama something more profound to do than model pretty, pretty dresses. Okay, I will confess that when I had a drink with some of my gay peeps on inaugural night, the first item of discussion was her yellow brocade number (Two were in favor, one opposed). Still, she can look fabulous and do something that draws on that Princeton degree. Heck, I sometimes get the impression that she might be a wee bit more savvy than you.



    * Remember Mexico? Well, with the all the drug wars, political corruption, and kidnapping, it seems to need some serious help at the moment. Since you have never been south of the border, this might be a good time to brush up on your Spanish.

    * Either allow me to keep my shoes on through airport security screening or take liquids on board in quantities bigger than three ounces. I’m willing to settle for one or the other.

    * Hire more gay, Latino historians to work in your administration. What? I can’t have some petty self interests?

    * Update the twenty dollar bill. The Bush regime couldn’t stop fiddling with the money – color changes, font adjustments, security stamps. Apparently instead of keeping an eye on the economy, they went crazy with Photoshop. Well, they aren’t the only ones who can be creative with our currency. Take a look at my proposal:



    It looks good, doesn't it?

    * Stop sending me e-mails asking for more money. I was happy to donate to your historic campaign, but it seems downright tacky to keep asking for more after you have won and taken office. Hit me up again when it’s time for your reelection, or, at the very earliest, midterm elections.

    * Lay off the Abraham Lincoln parallels for awhile – We get it, you like yourself some Lincoln. Seriously, though, we better not see you sneaking around the White House in a stovepipe hat and mutton chops.

    * Sign an executive order that destroys all copies of the “prequel” Star Wars movies and order that we, as nation, never speak of them again.



    * Don’t, under any circumstance, trust political advice offered by Tom Daschle. His reappearance during your campaign, and now in the cabinet, sends chills through my spine. He too often compromised (or flat-out gave into) the Bush administration. For many like me, he represents the worst elements of the old Democratic party: Cowardly, weak, and unwilling to fight the hard fight for justice. He will almost certainly recommend compromising when you shouldn’t.

    * Sign an executive order ridding foods of high fructose corn syrup. The agri-corn-empire recently started advertising on television to convince us that high fructose corn syrup is not as unhealthy as some suggested. Such a move can only mean that is even worse than we suspected. High fructose corn syrup is the most toxic thing on the market since Philip Morris experimented with those asbestos-flavored cigarettes.



    * Figure out a way to turn Air Force One into a hybrid vehicle. Failing that, see if you can turn it into a Transformer robot.

    * Recruit some drag queens to work in the press room. If you want witty retorts to reporters’ tough questions, they are your gals.

    * Reconsider keeping Guantanamo Bay Prison Facility open, but only for former members of the Bush administration. They built it, they might as well enjoy it and its many amenities.

    * Try having a bit more of a sense of humor in public. You know that I think that you are a doll, but do you have to be so serious all the time? FDR, John Kennedy, and, yes, even Abraham Lincoln all liked a good joke. Maybe you could ask Jon Stewart to the Oval Office for a few lessons.

    * Remember that the gays love you (for now) and most [white straight] Christian Evangelicals never will. It might be nice, therefore, if you stop treating the gays as if we are the subject of a high school debate where a “big tent of disagreement” should be entertained. Our basic rights are not some trivial matter, like arguing over whether the bald eagle or the turkey should be the national bird.

    Besides, we gays have much better parties. Have you ever been to an Evangelical party? It’s nothing but cheeze-wiz and generic 7UP.

    Come to my house and we’ll listen to Billie Holiday on the hi-fi while I serve my current cocktail du jour, the Palmer (Citrus, bourbon, and bitters – Simple, but beautiful). Never heard of a Palmer? Stick with the gays -- we are always one step ahead.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Thanks for the Bad Memories

President George W. Bush delivered his farewell address. I had imagined that he might use that time to offer some apologies for breaking the country or for his general assholeishnes. Or, even better, he could have used the speech as a confessional for the many crimes he committed over the past eight years. Instead, he spent fifteen minutes trying to convince people that his two terms in office weren't the total disaster that they appear to have been.

Bush decided to give his farewell address a little early, five days before he actually steps down from office. He would have done it the night before, but he decided to take the rest of his time in office as vacation days at Camp David. That is the story of this man’s administration. He has literally spent more than 450 days on vacation in his two terms in office. Wouldn’t that be nice to have a job where they gave you 1.5 years of paid vacation for every six years that you work?

Still, nobody looked happier than George W. Bush when Barack Obama won the election. “Finally,” he seemingly thought, “I can go and play baseball, which is all I really wanted to do.”



With all these farewell addresses and news agencies running retrospectives, it got met to thinking that CoG should do one as well. Here are some of the classic moments of Bush’s nightmare presidency that you won’t hear about from other sources:

    2000: Bush comes to power through a coup. Until the day I die, I will never understand why this nation accepted the completely illegal installation of Bush. He did not win the popular vote. He did not win the vote in Florida (though the news buried that tidbit months later when a statewide recount was finally completed).

      Uniquely Special Moment: The media made those of us who objected to the illegitimate seizing of power feel like we were nuts for expecting the person who won the election to actually take office.


    2001: Bush's first nominee for Secretary of Labor, Linda "English-Only" Chávez, is quickly forced to withdraw her nomination. Chávez's neighbor revealed that she once helped an undocumented worker by giving her cash and a place to stay (though not employing her).



      Uniquely Special Moment: Latinos across the nation, who best knew Chávez for her draconian visions of assimilation and anti-Spanish rants, were shocked to find out that she once did a nice thing for another Latina.


    2001: September 11 is one of the darkest moments in the U.S.’s history – Bush tries to make a run for Canada. Republicans cynically made September 11 one of the cornerstones of Bush’s reelection campaign in 2004, but nobody seemed to remember his abysmal lack of leadership on that day. Only later did some point out that Bush sat dumbfounded and watched the clock tick away while reading The Pet Goat. Though, to be fair, The Pet Goat was probably beyond his assessed reading level.



    When he finally did get off his ass, he ran away and hid. Rather than returning to Washington, D. C., Bush first ordered (or, more likely, somebody else ordered) Air Force One to fly in big circles. Then he started to zig-zag across the country from air force bases in Louisiana to Nebraska.

      Uniquely Special Moment: The White House was later caught making up stories that security around Air Force One had been compromised to explain Bush’s basic lack of character, leadership, and courage.


    2002: Homeland security, under pressure to show that it was doing something, announces the entirely laughable color-coded “Threat Advisory System” for the nation’s airports. This same agency would also respond in knee-jerk fashion to any threat, thus leaving passengers having to more-or-less disrobe before entering a gate and, of course, keeping liquids to under three ounces in a one-quart baggie. 'Cuz obviously a group of terrorists wouldn’t think to bring on board multiple baggies of three-ounce explosives as a group.

      Uniquely Special Moment: With all the fanfare associated with the color coded system, I have never seen it budge from “Orange” level. Apparently the risk of terrorist attack is always “High,” much like the person who came up with this color-coded system.




    2002: Radical-Christian Extremist John Ashcroft, Bush's first Attorney General, spends $8,000 on fancy drapes to cover up art deco statues titled “Spirit of Justice” and "The Majesty of Law" at the Justice Department. Ashcroft disliked that the statues were seminudes. We can only assume they gave him impure thoughts.

      Uniquely Special Moment: Having millions of Americans claiming that they couldn't find justice at the Justice Department wasn't enough for Ashcroft. He need to make sure that they literally couldn't find the spirit of justice as well.




    2003: More young people report that they get their news from the comedy program The Daily Show with Jon Stewart than any other source.

      Uniquely Special Moment: Sadly, the fake-news program actually provided better coverage of the issues than the twenty-four news networks.


    2004: The Bush administration prompts the return of the protest-song genre. Green Day’s “American Idiot,” P!nk’s “Dear Mr. President,” Eminem’s “Mosh,” and whatever the Dixie Chicks sing all expressed disdain towards Bush. Protest songs hadn’t been this popular since LBJ was yanking beagles around by their ears.



      Uniquely Special Moment: The phrase “Fuck Bush” sounds even better when put to music.


    2004: Bush wins reelection (barely) through a four-point campaign based on fear, war, greed, and homophobia.

    Having little to show for his four years in office other than a tragic terrorists attack, a collapsing economy (Yes, problems were already evident), and unwinnable wars, Bush and the overly-praised Karl Rove masterminded a campaign that drew on voters’ worst impulses.

      Uniquely Special Moment: Mary Cheney, lesbian daughter of Dick Cheney, is surprised that other gay folk find it distasteful that she campaigned for an administration that sought to harm people like herself.



    2004: Warner Brothers releases the film Catwoman starring Halle Berry. I haven’t figured out how exactly, but I am certain that the Bush administration was responsible for this piece of celluloid detritus.



      Uniquely Special Moment: The New York Times and other newspapers go to town with bad cat jokes in their reviews of the film (e.g. “Catwoman coughs up a hairball.”)


    2005: Bush nominates a groupie, Harriet Miers, to be on the Supreme Court despite her total lack of qualifications.




      Uniquely Special Moment: Miers claims that she only wanted to be on the Supreme Court because she lost the role of Catwoman to Halle Berry.


    2005: Bush reveals that he believed himself to be on a religious mission delivered directly by God to invade Iraq.

      Uniquely Special Moment: God files a libel suit, demanding that Bush not besmirch Her good name through false claims.


    2005: Rumors emerge that war-hawk (and perpetually "single") Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is a lesbian when a Fox reporter encourages her to get "friendly" with pianist Lauren Green.

      Uniquely Special Moment: Upon learning that Rice might be sexually attracted to women, millions of lesbians across the nation throw up a little in their mouth.




    2005: As Katrina is about to hit New Orleans, Bush hosts a barbeque for his sycophant press corps (while on vacation at his ranch – ahem). In one swoop, the depraved indifference of both the press and the president is revealed as 60,000 people are trapped in the drowning city of New Orleans.

      Uniquely Special Moment: Oh, gosh, too many to count – In a supposed show of interest, Bush ordered Air Force One to circle above the city so he could look out the window (Hey, at least he didn't hide in a bunker this time). After countless incidents of mismanagement, Bush praised Michael D. Brown, head of FEMA, by stating, “Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job.” Totally unaware of the magnitude of problems that faced average Americans, Bush mourned the loss of the multi-million dollar mansion of Senator Trent Lott.




    2006: Bush provides a graphic lesson in what constitutes a workplace “bad touch” when he gives an uninvited massage to German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

      Uniquely Special Moment. Upon learning of the massage, millions of Germans throw up a little in their mouth.




    2007: People embrace the new Battlestar Galactica because it uses science fiction as a vehicle to question the current state of affairs and U.S. policies.

      Uniquely Special Moment: Many viewers saw a dystopia where heartless robots attempt to slaughter the last surviving members of the human race as more hopeful than contemporary life under the Bush regime.


    2006: A dedicated blogger uncovers the horrible truth that Donald Rumsfeld isn't really a man at all. He is actually one of the evil taking trees from The Wizard of Oz.

      Uniquely Special Moment: The press really should have suspected something when he threw apples at anybody who asked questions about looting in Iraq.






    2007: Alberto Gonzalez, after either committing perjury before Congress or having a case of amnesia heretofore only experienced by soap-opera characters, resigns in disgrace as Attorney General.

      Uniquely Special Moment: Gonzalez, the first Mexican-American to hold the position of Attorney General, was given a statue of the Texas Rangers as his parting gift. It was only fitting that a man who had undermined the rights of people like himself should be given an object commemorating a group that historically terrorized people like himself.


    2008: Bush tours the Middle East after promising a democratic Iraq and a “road map to peace” between Israel and Palestinians. It turns out that he really should have invested in a G.P.S. for peace.

      Uniquely Special Moment: The people of Iraq are so overjoyed with Bush’s role in their nation that they offer him the shoes right off their feet.


    2009: Against medical odds, Dick Cheney lives through the entire administration and has spare time to shoot friends in the face.



      Uniquely Special Moment: It proves that good can't live through a stiff breeze, but evil lives on and on forever.