Over the past few days, the inevitable occurred. Two colleagues from my university found my little bloggy and deduced the true identity of GayProf. Perhaps I should not have worn that gold and red bra with matching Old-Glory short-shorts to faculty functions.
Still, it came as more of a shock than I expected to be exposed to local colleagues. Diana Prince found it so much easier to keep her secret identity. All she had to do was put her hair in a bun and toss on some glasses and nobody ever asked questions. In my case, though, people kept noticing that GayProf and I were never in the same room at the same time. They also found the invisible jet in my parking space.
My detectors are friends, so it’s not such a big deal. Still, the lack of local anonymity prompted some probing questions for me about the blog. “What?” I hear, “GayProf having a moment of existential crisis? That’s so unusual.” Hush-up, sarcastic voice in my head.
It’s not that I have been particularly zealous about preserving my anonymity. There has been the occasional picture. Anyone who e-mails me will know my actual name (btw, it’s not really “GayProf.” That’s my middle name. My parents were very forward thinking). Plus, there just aren’t that many gay, Latino history professors in Texas. No, it’s true.
This blog started for two major reasons. One, my liar ex (who told many lies) had declared me “clutter” in his life and decided to treat me as such. The bloggy offered distraction as he focused all his energy on any other man showing him half-a-minute’s attention. Yeah, he turned himself into a real winner of a human being. He thought he was the shit, but, in truth, he isn’t worth shit to have treated me that way. Too bitter for you? Hey, let me remind you again that the blog is the Center of Gravitas. Go somewhere else for lemon drops and rainbows.
My overwhelming acrimony aside, the blog allowed me to concentrate on something else while our eight-year relationship limped to destruction last fall. Secondly, the blog provided a connection to an outside world. Having spent the previous few years in East Texas, I felt banished to a town remote beyond compare. The bloggy offered a means to link to folk who didn’t necessarily drive giant pick-up trucks and attend Baptist services every Sunday.
Still, given that I often referred to some of the other professors here as sexist, racist, homophobic vipers, I thought it wise to conceal my blog from most people at this university. Yet, not telling your local friends about a blog can be uncomfortable.
Finding new friends through a blog is great. However, when your already existing friends find the blog that you never told them about, it’s a bit like being caught masturbating. Sure, we all do it. Yet, your friends will never look at you quite the same again. Especially if you were masturbating on a cross-town bus. Uh – I imagine.
I always envisioned that local detection of my blog would result in my deleting it. It turns out, though, I like my little bloggy quite a bit. In particular, it has allowed me to meet some really cool people out there.
My original reasons for keeping the blog have transformed. Now I find the blog a great place to try out some new ideas on race, gender and sexuality. I get feedback from the really smart people out there on the blogsphere. I would miss bloggy and all of you.
Upon reflection, I also don’t think I include anything in the blog that I wouldn’t tell people in my day-to-day life. So, my stories include references to some fellow academics as sexist, racist, homophobic vipers. In general, though, I think I would probably say it to their face. Well, maybe not the “viper” bit. That might be over the top. Probably I would use the kinder moniker “worm-creature.”
My point is, though, I don’t think the blog contains anything incriminating. When my blog includes stories about running the meth lab in the back of a minivan that pays for my male hookers, then maybe I should rethink it. Of course, I am joking. I would never drive a minivan.
Perhaps, though, I should refrain from calling some of my colleagues sexist, racist, homophobic vipers. Cold turkey seems so harsh, though. Maybe I will taper off.