Over the past few days, the inevitable occurred. Two colleagues from my university found my little bloggy and deduced the true identity of GayProf. Perhaps I should not have worn that gold and red bra with matching Old-Glory short-shorts to faculty functions. Still, it came as more of a shock than I expected to be exposed to local colleagues. Diana Prince found it so much easier to keep her secret identity. All she had to do was put her hair in a bun and toss on some glasses and nobody ever asked questions. In my case, though, people kept noticing that GayProf and I were never in the same room at the same time. They also found the invisible jet in my parking space.
My detectors are friends, so it’s not such a big deal. Still, the lack of local anonymity prompted some probing questions for me about the blog. “What?” I hear, “GayProf having a moment of existential crisis? That’s so unusual.” Hush-up, sarcastic voice in my head.
It’s not that I have been particularly zealous about preserving my anonymity. There has been the occasional picture. Anyone who e-mails me will know my actual name (btw, it’s not really “GayProf.” That’s my middle name. My parents were very forward thinking). Plus, there just aren’t that many gay, Latino history professors in Texas. No, it’s true.
This blog started for two major reasons. One, my liar ex (who told many lies) had declared me “clutter” in his life and decided to treat me as such. The bloggy offered distraction as he focused all his energy on any other man showing him half-a-minute’s attention. Yeah, he turned himself into a real winner of a human being. He thought he was the shit, but, in truth, he isn’t worth shit to have treated me that way. Too bitter for you? Hey, let me remind you again that the blog is the Center of Gravitas. Go somewhere else for lemon drops and rainbows.
My overwhelming acrimony aside, the blog allowed me to concentrate on something else while our eight-year relationship limped to destruction last fall. Secondly, the blog provided a connection to an outside world. Having spent the previous few years in East Texas, I felt banished to a town remote beyond compare. The bloggy offered a means to link to folk who didn’t necessarily drive giant pick-up trucks and attend Baptist services every Sunday.
Still, given that I often referred to some of the other professors here as sexist, racist, homophobic vipers, I thought it wise to conceal my blog from most people at this university. Yet, not telling your local friends about a blog can be uncomfortable.
Finding new friends through a blog is great. However, when your already existing friends find the blog that you never told them about, it’s a bit like being caught masturbating. Sure, we all do it. Yet, your friends will never look at you quite the same again. Especially if you were masturbating on a cross-town bus. Uh – I imagine.
I always envisioned that local detection of my blog would result in my deleting it. It turns out, though, I like my little bloggy quite a bit. In particular, it has allowed me to meet some really cool people out there.
My original reasons for keeping the blog have transformed. Now I find the blog a great place to try out some new ideas on race, gender and sexuality. I get feedback from the really smart people out there on the blogsphere. I would miss bloggy and all of you.
Upon reflection, I also don’t think I include anything in the blog that I wouldn’t tell people in my day-to-day life. So, my stories include references to some fellow academics as sexist, racist, homophobic vipers. In general, though, I think I would probably say it to their face. Well, maybe not the “viper” bit. That might be over the top. Probably I would use the kinder moniker “worm-creature.”
My point is, though, I don’t think the blog contains anything incriminating. When my blog includes stories about running the meth lab in the back of a minivan that pays for my male hookers, then maybe I should rethink it. Of course, I am joking. I would never drive a minivan.
Perhaps, though, I should refrain from calling some of my colleagues sexist, racist, homophobic vipers. Cold turkey seems so harsh, though. Maybe I will taper off.
25 comments:
Yeah, your bloggy is sorta exemplary to me. Please never think of killing it. Well, never's a long time, but not soon.
Back when I worked comics retail, from time to time customers would stumble upon it and figure out that the sarcastic gay man who keeps talking about comics on the internet and the sarcastic gay men who sells them comics were one and the same. Since I frequently talked about some of the more "amusing/frustrating" customers, this could have been a tad awkward.
I always assured them that "Oh, no, I was never talking about you!"
(And they fell for it!)
Awww, gayprof, we like your like bloggy, too. I'm glad you're not going to delete it. I'd miss you. Where would I get my Wonder Woman fix?
just stumbled on your blog... I'm one of those straight, white, and occasionally asinine professors that you write about from time to time. Still, I know damn good writing when I see it, and I know smart-funny. You smart funny big time! What would Wonder Woman do... she wouldn't let a lack of anonymity slow her down and neither should you!
oh my gosh!! how did they find it??
GP- I know your secret identity, and have even deduced the location of your secret fortress (wait, that was Superman. Well, whatever), but only to send oatmeal raisihn cookies.
Now I actually have to SEND them to you.
Maybe after the move.
Yay for no deletion. I need to go back and read the early archives, I imagine they are full of riotous bitter invective.
A friend told me he was asked by a group of strangers if he was "gayest neil". My response, "you poor thing."
Do not stop blogging just because you've been discovered. I would be crestfallen if you did. Furthermore I agree with you in that you do not say anything on here that could be considered tacky if a faculty member found it. I revere your blog as one of the few in the blogosphere that is clearly thought out and full of passion without being irrationally emotional.
But think of the fun you'll have when your friends come up to you now and ask the true identity of the subjects of your posts and you can just smile and play like Judy Miller.
I haven't told my friends I masturbate, I mean, blog. But only because I don't want to subject them to the sorry spectacle. Of my blog.
Long live your bloggy!
I can't think of anybody that knows my name, that doesn't know about my blog, family included. I wonder what that says about me?
As for you, GayProof, just keep on truckin'. Whatever that means. Even in the 70s, I never knew.
Having co-workers discovering my blogging identity is something I thought about before I began my blog. Not sure what I would do if they confronted me about it.
I'm glad you are going forward with yours. You have a lot to say and always with intelligence and humor. (Plus, you have all those saucy pics of that Paradise Island minx!)
Rock out with your blog out, baby.
At first I was bitter at ever having to "self-censor" my blog due to work or family concerns, but I realized it was just like real life. Judicious use of words, whether oral or written, is always the prudent path to take. Ad hominem diatribes, while therapeutic, are generally best left "off the record". :-)
Bruce:
Ad hominem diatribes, while therapeutic, are generally best left "off the record".
But that's all I got for my blog. What else would I write?
You know what to write: Subtly clever diatribes which can be interpreted by the cool people but not by the idiots whom you describe! ;-)
Ouch. My region bosses, my teachers, and other school people discovered my blog during the latest fiasco. Nothing like coming out inadvertently to lots of homophobes, plus I almost got in trouble with my bosses. I debated ending my blog also, but decided that it would be too painful to lose.
Some suggestions: find out HOW your friends found the blog. Scrub those things out, even deleting those entries. Save them to your hard drive, but minimize your google'ness. Also, get an anonymous email for the blog. Good luck, and don't give up. We like you.
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love." I'm sure you know where this quote comes from, and well, I don't think blogging is as self-focused as masturbation anyway. But what's wrong with being a little self-focused? And when's the last time I laughed while masturbating (as wonderful as it is).
I love your thoughts, they are precious and unique. Just like you. You're like a little Precious Moments figurine or something.
I'd be unconsolable if you deleted your blog, even though I only came across it when Chad linked to the Truck entry. You rock muchly; I wish we had profs like you at my uni.
This reminds me of the psuedononymous controverse of a couple of months ago. Blogging is always a public act, and one should, ideally, always be expected to be revealed. However, to wit, it can sometimes come as a surprise. The previous incarnation of my blog was killed rather quickly (in the crib) due to the possibility of exposure. The re-birth is more cautious, but a funny story, ironically apropos (soul sisters, baby).
I went to touch up the buzz on Saturday and my barber, a fabulous queen, told me off hand as he oiled the clippers that he had cut someone's hair who also worked at Cold City U., and mentioned my blog. Well, I nearly levitated out of the chair, you can imagine. And to make it worse, my barber couldn't remember his name or what exactly he did at CCU (even after scrolling through his messy book), only that he was slim and had blond hair, to which I responded, "Well, Mary, that could be anyone!"
Barber says he thinks he didn't give him the URL, which was sort of cold comfort given that he couldn't even remember much about the dude, but after a couple of minutes, I sort of chuckled and let it go. If my shared barber chair colleague is curious, he will no doubt approach me. Until that time, keep them all guessing. The fact that your Columbuses (LOL) are friendly colleagues is better than your arch-enemies. In fact, a whole cadre of my old colleagues at Sadistic College know about the blog, as well as many colleagues, and word has spread among the professorati in Cold City about me, so my anonymity is really only partial.
But as I said in some places regarding the identity kerkuffle of blogging a bit back, I am more interested in the oppotunities of voice than hiding myself completely. That said, I have and remain careful about exactly what I say, and Mr. Gordo has been a good editor in terms of calling me and offering edits in some instances (it's lucky I post at the crack of dawn or late at night, so I can go back and edit some details).
All of which is to say, we love our Gay Prof!
Yours sincerely, Sister Mary Sunshine
Thank the gods the blog didn't get the axe. I need to read things that make me smarter, like your blog!
Don't ever get rid of your Gravitas our beloved GayProf!
heh heh... I've worried about the same thing. But it's the same result as you. With, um, a few exceptions, I'm not even a tiny bit ashamed of my writing, and there is nothing illegal there.
Plus - you're in an academic setting, which can sometimes be more forgiving of certain things, as far as I know.
Keep on posting, if you're comfortable.
Heh... "Bloggy"
I'm grateful that you've decided to maintain this blog, even after your superhero identity was discovered and even though you've moved on from your liar ex.
Now that people in your professional and personal life have discovered your little secret, you might even consider using your blog to find Major Steve, wherever he is.
I'm glad you decided not to kill the blog off.
Thanks for sticking around.
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