Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Had Me a Blast

Labor Day recently passed. I hope all of you gave up some respect to the historical Labor Movement. Remember the Labor Movement? You know -- the people who brought you the weekend?

Beyond that, Labor Day traditionally signals the end of summer time. Wear white shoes at your own peril, people.

The previous post was supposed to be about reflecting on the past year, but turned more rant-oriented than I expected. Eh – That’s the way it goes sometimes.

Clearly I still have some work left on that whole “letting go” thing. Really, I should have faith in the cosmos. A Texas friend has a saying. I might not get it exactly right, but the general theme is this: “The karmic wheel grinds slow, but it grinds fine.” If true, Liar Ex (who told many lies) should be a chalky powder when all is said and done.

So, in lieu of an annual review, let’s turn back to a post from May 17, 2006. That entry had a list of GayProf’s goals for this past summer. Just how many of those things did I actually accomplish? Let's see:

    Finish my current research project.
    Yeah, that totally didn’t happen. I continue to work on it – I am making progress. Things are getting finished up. What? Stop nagging me!

    Oh, Lord, by the bucket! Texas heat is like no other. Why doesn’t anybody see all that heat as evidence that God hates Texas?

    Teach Summer School, Session I.
    Yep – I did that (which also helps explain why my current research project didn’t reach completion). Summer School is always so condensed. In many ways I feel like my lectures went from “The U.S. invaded Mexico” to “George Bush is a prick” overnight.

    Try to repair my horrific credit record (thus the reason for teaching Summer School, Session I).
    Well, Summer pay certainly helped. Creditors no longer have me on speed dial. What I really need, though, is for that Texas house to sell. Maybe I should look into an exorcism.

    Finish sewing that Wonder Woman costume. Though I might just settle for some extra, extra, extra large NRFP Underoos off of E-Bay.
    Does anybody know where I can find some white-star appliques?

    Build a bonfire out all of the things that liar ex (who told many lies) gave me in the past eight years. Then dance around the fire naked until they lose all of their evil magic powers.
    More or less – Yep. I learned something important – Be sure to call the Fire Department before purging oneself of negative energy.

    Watch the new Superman movie.
    I did watch the new Superman movie. The things I liked: All of the homage stuff to the seventies Superman film and hunky Routh.

    Kate Bosworth failed as Lois Lane. I hated (and I mean HATED) the kid. Why do people think children are interesting for films? Or in life? Plus, Routh's contact lenses that changed his eye color creeped me out.

    Figure out ways to recover from my disappointment over the new Superman movie.
    All and all, it disappointed me less than expected. Perhaps, though, superhero films have run their course? Maybe Hollywood can come up with original ideas for films? No, snakes on a motherfucking plane does not count.

    Locate and rent an apartment in Boston.
    It aged me an additional five years, but I did manage to accomplish this goal. In retrospect, trying to avoid paying a realtor fee may not have been worth the stress of those few days.

    The studio apartment I found, though, is a fair price and sans fee. I wish it was a tiny bit closer to the T, though.

    Aspire to add 20 lbs to my bench press, but probably settle for adding 10 lbs.
    I did accomplish this goal. Then I moved to Boston and took several weeks off from the gym. When I finally got around to finding a new gym, my muscles apparently had degraded because I am back to my pre-summer bench press. Who knew that my body could atrophy so quickly? I would have also expected that moving all my crap up and down (or actually down and up) several flights of stairs would have kept me toned. No such luck.

    Travel to Albuquerque to visit family and friends.
    No matter where else I go, New Mexico will always be my home. Just seeing the Sandia Mountains stretching out in welcome as the plane descends makes me feel better about everything.

    Drink Tequila and/or Tequila based cocktails.

    Finally a reasonable goal that I made for myself. It’s good to know that I accomplished something worthwhile with my summer time.

    Go to the only gay club in this small Texas town at least one more time.
    You know, on several different occasions I had plans to do this with friends. For whatever reason, it never quite happened. Usually we just drank in other locales.

    No big loss for me, though. Heteros have really overrun the joint since it is one of only two places in the whole town to dance.

    Figure out a reason to be interviewed by dreamy Anderson Cooper.

    You would have thought that all the stalking of him would have qualified for a little air time.

    Mourn the end of FDR’s New Deal -- again.
    Everyday. Oh, yes, Everyday.

    Attend a wedding of Texas friends of mine where liar ex (who told many lies) will also attend. Contemplate how I will maintain my decorum and not stab my liar ex in the eye with a dessert fork.
    I am proud to say that none of the flatware had blood on it by the time I exited. Seeing Liar Ex (who is a total fuckbag – What? I can’t always be predictable) made my skin crawl. If fortune favors the foolish, however, that will be the last time that I ever have to put my eyes on him ever again.

    Celebrate George W. Bush’s shameful resignation (Hey – I can hope).
    Still waiting -- Still hoping. Why does this man have a job?

    Make a list of all the things that I will miss about Texas while I am gone this coming year.
    Oh, sure, I did this one. I miss the — um. Well, there’s the -- er . . . um.

    Okay, I miss my Texas friends. Really, though, I wish they were here rather than me being there.

    Travel to Chicago for work.
    Sigh – Chicago is my favorite U.S. City. Not that I don’t totally love Boston, but Chicago just speaks to me a wee bit more. Alas, with all the packing, moving, teaching, etc., this business trip got postponed. Sometime in the coming year, however, I really do need to go there.

    Try to keep up the fa├žade that I know (or care) what the hell people are talking about when they discuss the DaVinci Code.
    Luckily nobody seems to talk about this anymore. Now, however, I need to learn about the Boston Red Sox. Time and time again on the T or on buses, people keep looking to open a conversation about the “sox.” It turns out that they are not particularly interested in whether I match my hosiery to my pants or to my shoes.

    Contemplate if somebody could bounce a quarter off of Condoleezza Rice’s hair.
    Yes, you can.

    Take photos of the friends in Texas that I want to remember.
    Yep, did this one. I have new pictures waiting to be pasted into the photo album.

    Shred photos of people I hope never to see again.
    Yep, did this one, too. Made plenty of space in the photo album for all the pictures above.

    Find new friends in Boston.
    So far, I have met some cool people.

    Wax my car.
    Given that my car will spend the year in storage, I made sure to accomplish this goal. The paint should be perfectly preserved as it awaits my return to Texas.

    Finally decide in my own mind if I think Carlos Mencia is funny or offensive.
    Is his show even on the air anymore? Nah – I long ago stopped thinking about Mencia. Now I am all about debating Robot Chicken.

    Be the first kid on my block to own the Wonder Woman comic relaunch (written by a gay man, don’t you know?).
    Because the lame Texas comic shop didn’t order enough copies, I was not the first on my block. Was nothing right about that town? Still, I got my hands on Wonder Woman as soon as possible.

    As we have discussed, I am optimistic. It’s a better vision of Diana than I have seen in a long, long, long time.

    Figure out how to work all the functions on my cell phone.
    I have learned new things about the cell phone, particularly about text messaging. It’s funny – I never imagined myself as a cell-phone type of guy. Now I sleep with it under my pillow.

    Start a riot.
    Why do you think I moved to Boston?

    Locate and recover Jimmy Hoffa’s body.
    No comment.

    Make lemonade.
    Who needs lemonade when Margaritas are around? Fuck that.

    Move to Boston.
    Oh, I am so here. Of course, I wish that the process of getting here didn’t involve cat shit and total muscle fatigue. Still, I could not be happier in my new locale.

Wow – I still have a great many things that I need to complete from this list. I will get on that tomorrow. Well, maybe not tomorrow. I want to learn how to make egg drop soup tomorrow. The day after that, though, I am so on it.


vuboq said...

gah! I meant to write a "review of my summer"-esque entry, but forgot all about it until I read this post. Now, it will look like I'm just a cheap GayProf copying machine. *sigh*

[insert imitation/flattery blah blah blah comment here]

Oh, and congrats on not stabbing Liar Ex in the eye with your dessert fork!

Margaret said...

Um, you need to come to Chicago, because it's much closer to me than I am to Boston.

Did that make sense? Probably not. Taught two classes today.

Oh, that's right, you don't teach now. Jerk.

Doug said...

Love your goals, GayProf. An inspiring mix of humor and seriousness.

I didn't know "George Bush is a prick" is a historical fact. I hope my nephew learns that when he takes his first history class.

Mmmm...GayProf dancing naked around a fire....*drool*

tornwordo said...

I don't know why but the vitriol does make me smile. I bet you curse in class and make the students giggle too.

Kalv1n said...

I'm just so happy that you were able to achieve so many of your goals. I think my list would be utterly miniscule. ANd the margarita goal I think was my favorite. And why does everyone love Chicago. But then again, I've only been to the airport. And thank god no one talks about the Da Vinci code anymore.

GayProf said...

Torn: Remember -- Not vitriol -- gravitas. It sounds so much nicer, don't you think? Oddly, I don't think that I curse all that often. Fuck cursing.

kalvin: Because Chicago is the best major city in the U.S.! Of course, Boston is pretty darn good, too. Just stay away from rural Texas. Or urban Texas.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... maybe my comment was too sarcastic?

Didn't mean it to be... I don't have a copy of it but I didn't think it was that bad. I guess it was a bad attempt at humor.

Anyway, like I said, happy blog anniversary.

I'm glad you got some things out of the way before moving.

GayProf said...

Atari: What comment? I don't ever delete comments (unless they are advertisements or somehow get duplicated). Probably it was smart and witty. Try to recreate it!

Will said...

Fritz and I honored Labor Day with a group of our friends laboring mightily to fell trees and turn them into fire wood and other chores by day.

By night, we played! We also had a blast.

Or many blasts, actually.

Anonymous said...

Yikes... I think I know what I did - my brain must still be pickled.

No no, there has never been a comment I've ever left that was worth the effort of recreating.

I DO have to note that, OMG, you actually went to a long ceremony/reception thing with the LEWTML present?!? Fuck... that's just beyond the call of duty. Nah, fuck that shit! You got some iron will there!

I'm glad you survived it at least partially unscathed and unarrested.

jeremy said...

See ya in Boston soon, Prof!
(2 weeks and one day, not that I'm counting)

Laura Elizabeth said...

white-star appliques, you say?

MJ Trim

Ebay - what isn't at Ebay?

JKM Ribbon & Trims

"Now, however, I need to learn about the Boston Red Sox."

They suck. Yankee's rule, Boston (Sox) sucks. That's all you need to know.

I'm so happy I have been able to help GayProf today. I feel like Wonder Woman!

The Persian said...

That was a great list, glad to see you accomplished the most important ones! Hope you are enjoying Boston, I can't imagine having to shop for an apartment, must have been hell, and pretty expensive.

For some reason I have no desire to see that new Superman flic, I don't know why.


Adam said...

They have white star appliques at Mood in NYC :)

Elizabeth McClung said...

I am fatigued by reading your list, however full of noble endeavors. I would wonder as a history prof, could you enlighten me on why the US chose labour day instead of May Day like not only the rest of the world but the movement it actually inspired? Too commie? Better dead than May Day?

As for Bush, all I keep thinking is Jeffersons comments about America needing revolutions every once in a while. I have never pleaded for a coup before, but I am now! Still getting over the whole American apathy for the "The US needs to torture! It is a right of the US to torture people", "The US has no Secret Jails", "I as president say there are no CIA jails were people are tortured", "Just letting you know, there were CIA jails, people were tortured but now we are taking the high road" - which is responded with "Look ma! Starbucks!"

Oh well, onward, - when will your report of Boston gay clubs and pubs be posted?

Anonymous said...

I think "liar ex (who told many lies)" is a bit wordy. After offloading my cheater ex (who fucked many guys), I took to referring to him as "that asshole" or, in a pinch, "fucktard." Not that I was bitter. And feel free to appropriate either of those. These days, though, my favorite pet name for fucktard is, "who?"

Anonymity is the one of the better revenges. Not quite as good as his penis nailed to the wall, but still pretty good.

Aethlos said...


Dorian said...

Well, the only thing I meant to do this summer that I actually accomplished was clean the bath-room, so I think you come out ahead. This time.

Luciferus said...

Thanks for mentioning the labor movement, posting a picture of Fala, and seeing Superman Returns.

Anonymous said...

Gayprof- I think that following the link below may disturb you...but I have to be impressed that someone is bothered....