Over the weekend, I made a dip down to New York City. Thanks to the generosity of a non-blogger friend, I was able to stay at her apartment. It also gave me a chance to meet some of the many cool blogger folk in New York.
This, in turn, gave them the opportunity to find out that the whole “gravitas” thing is not really a joke. Disappointingly, they also found out that I can’t change my clothes by spinning in a circle while an orange explosion emanates from my navel – yet.
Since returning to Boston, I have been swamped with work. Plus, one of the most insidious of my former Texan colleagues sent me a note asking a favor.
This is the same insidious-colleague who loudly complained that white straight men were being terribly mistreated in that department. Of course, white straight men composed 90 percent of the full professors and the majority of the executive committee. White straight men also served as the associate department-head, the director of graduate studies, the undergraduate director, the department head, the dean, the provost, and the president of the university (and most administrative positions in-between). Latinos, gays, Asians, and African Americans held no (zero) administrative positions in that department last year. Yeah, I can see how he had it so tough as a white straight man.
Regardless, if he had not sought to undermine women and minority junior faculty, I really wouldn’t care. As part of his white-straight-male plight, though, he often suggested that women and minorities in the department were less qualified than their white, straight, male counterparts.
Given his history, I am not really motivated to help me out. I know -- Being petty is the easy route (fun, too).
All that aside, I didn’t notice that my little bloggy’s odometer hit 150,000 hits. That seems like a milestone in my book.
It also reminded me that this blog has drifted away from what is most important: Me. I thought that I would give my faithful readers the opportunity to prove their devotion to GayProf. That is very sweet of me, no?
Sharpen those number 2 pencils, I have a little exam for you all. Leave your answers in the comments (or leave comments in the comments). The first person who scores a 100% or the person with highest score by the time that I post the answers (whichever comes first) wins a super-secret prize! Note: the super-secret prize has minimal monetary value, is fairly useless, and will not cure any physical or mental aliments that you might have.
So, if you have committed all of my previous entries to memory, now is the chance to put that knowledge to use.
Or if you just think that you know me well enough to make educated guesses, now is your chance.
Or if you just want to randomly jot down letters and numbers – that’s cool, too! Take the exam – Make a comment – win a super-secret prize (of minimal monetary value (Images and Videos Do Not Necessarily Imply Correct Answers -- No purchase necessary, Void Where Prohibited)).
1. Among other reasons, GayProf doesn’t like the department-store Macy’s because:
A. He worked there during college.
B. They insisted on changing the name of Chicago’s Marshall Field’s, thereby destroying a piece of local history just to save a buck.
C. They once double charged him for the same item and he has never forgiven them. GayProf can really hold a grudge.
D. He finds their new slogan “There’s a Macy’s Near Your” too scary and threatening. It seems as if Macy’s is stalking him.
E. GayProf is a nudist and therefore never buys clothing.
2. GayProf once referred to the term “MAD-C.” What did this stand for?
A. Middle-Aged Disgruntled Colleague
B. Mothers Angry at the Dean’s College
C. Mormons Attending Disco Clubs
D. Money At Disposal -- Ca’Ching
E. Morons Always Ditching Classes
3. The first real image of GayProf ever posted on this blog showed him:
A. Teaching class
B. GayProf has never appeared in a photo on this blog
C. Typing on his blog
D. Wearing a fur hood
E. Wearing Nothing at all
4. Whose image is always on GayProf’s refrigerator?
5. Where was GayProf born?
A. Albuquerque, New Mexico
B. Lubbock, Texas
C. Idaho Falls, Idaho
D. Las Cruces, New Mexico
E. GayProf was not technically born. He was crafted out of clay and brought to life by the gods.
6. What mishap did NOT occur to GayProf during the move from Texas to Boston?
A. His cat shit in his lap.
B. He got his first speeding ticket ever.
C. The moving van had a flat tire, thus delaying him a full day.
D. He was forced to load and unload the moving truck by himself.
E. He crossed all of these states: TX, LA, MS, AL, GA, TN, VA, MD, PA, NJ, NY, CT, and MA.
7. Which Science Fiction movie was GayProf’s favorite at age 5?
8. As a child, who bought GayProf the Mego Wonder Woman doll for Christmas?
A. His mother – against his father’s wishes.
B. A sympathetic aunt – against his father’s wishes.
C. His father – against his father’s wishes.
D. GayProf never actually owned the Mego Wonder Woman doll as a child. He just coveted it.
E. GayProf saved his own damn money and bought it himself -- against his father's wishes.
9. As a general trend, which of the following topics usually generates the LEAST number of comments on CoG?
A. Entries on race or ethnicity.
B. Entries on porn.
C. Entries on being a professor/academic life.
D. Entries where GayProf confuses himself with Wonder Woman.
E. Entries on dead presidents.
10. Which one of these blogs is run by the person who first linked to CoG?
B. All Things Bitter
C. Redd Turtles and Blue Ducks
D. Postmodern Barney
E. Cooper's Corridor
11. What is GayProf’s favorite Christmas dish?
A. pan de polvo
12. Where did GayProf go to graduate school and earn his Ph.D.?
A. the West Coast
B. the Midwest
C. the Northeast
D. New Mexico
13. The Pope is to Hitler Youth as GayProf is to:
A. Student Government
B. Homecoming Court
C. Justice League
D. College of Cardinals
14. Which of the following has NOT been a parenthetical reference to Liar Ex?
A. (Who Told Many Lies)
B. (Who is a Total Fuckbag)
C. (Who Should Just Die)
D. (Who Left No Promise Unbroken)
15. What is GayProf’s soda of choice?
B. Diet Coke – with Lime
C. Mexican Coke (made with sugarcane rather than high fructose corn syrup)
E. Blood of Virgins (with Splenda©)
16. Which of the following was NOT true about the house that I co-owned in Texas?
A. One Realtor quit because she saw no means of selling it.
B. It was built in 1939.
C. It was Liar Ex’s idea to buy it.
D. I had to spend hours stripping the walls because it was covered in so much flowery wallpaper. The interior looked like Holly Hobby had thrown up and then exploded inside.
E. It was ginormous.
17. As a child, GayProf’s favorite Halloween costume was:
B. Wonder Woman
D. Charlie Chaplin
E. A History Professor
18. GayProf’s most recent (and most frequent adult-era) Halloween costume was:
B. Wonder Woman
D. Freddie Mercury
E. A Heterosexual
19. According to this blog, which of the following happened at one or more universities in Texas over the past four years?
A. Students made a blackface video and posted it on YouTube
B. Students defaced a statue of Martin Luther King, Jr. on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
C. Students hosted “ghetto parties” where primarily white students were invited to dress as racist stereotypes.
D. The mother of a student phoned the dean's office and asked that GayProf be fired immediately for assigning a text about gays and lesbians' experiences during World War II.
E. All of the above.
20. Did GayProf go to his high-school senior prom?
21. Last year, GayProf had a photo meme about his Texas apartment. Which item did GayProf own?
A. A 1960s warming tray, for serving a hot brunch.
B. A hot-water bottle, for an ailing stomach.
C. An ice-crusher, for festive cocktails.
D. a KitchenAid mixer, for his massive baking hobby.
E. A replica of the I Dream of Jeannie bottle.
22. Before becoming a history professor, GayProf worked as a:
A. substitute teacher
23. How did GayProf get the tiny scar on his forehead?
A. It was a tragic childhood hair-styling-related accident.
B. He was in a car accident at age nine.
C. One of his sisters took revenge on him for playing with their Charlie’s Angels dolls.
D. He cut his forehead on a jagged piece of metal on a playground slide.
24. Exactly 7 persons - P, Q, R, S, T, U & V - periodically offer GayProf gifts to show their gratitude and admiration. All 7 always deliver their gifts at the same time. During each round of gift giving, none of the gifts are ever of equal value. The following statements about the gifts are always true:
V always gives a more expensive gift than P
P always gives a more expensive gift than Q
Either R gives the most expensive gift and T gives the least expensive gift, or S gives the most expensive gift and U or Q give the least expensive.
If S gives the sixth most expensive gift and Q gives the fifth most expensive gift, which of the following can be true?
A. V gives the most expensive or forth most expensive gift
B. R gives the second or third most expensive gift
C. P gives the second or fifth most expensive gift
D. U gives the third or fourth most expensive gift
E. T gives the fourth or fifth most expensive gift
25. For Hispanic Heritage Month 2006, GayProf:
A. Wrote an entry critiquing Chico and the Man.
B. Wrote an entry critiquing Univision.
C. Ignored the month entirely on the blog.
D. Contacted Che Guevara using a Ouija board.
E. Grew a mustache like Emiliano Zapata's.
26. What is GayProf’s least favorite month?
27. What was GayProf’s first car?
A. 1975 Dodge Dart
B. 1966 Dodge Charger
C. 1978 Ford Pinto
D. 1970 Dodge Challenger
E. 1961 Chrysler New Yorker
28. Is GayProf circumcised?
29. Besides Wonder Woman, what 1970s televison show is most frequently mentioned on CoG?
A. The Bionic Woman
B. Charlie’s Angels
C. That Girl
E. Barnaby Jones
30. Which of the following is true about GayProf?
A. Is universally adored.
B. Is the most desirable man on the blogosphere.
C. Should be honored with a bronze statue.
D. Knows too much about Wonder Woman.
E. All of the above