Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Because Nobody Asked

After an absurd level of paperwork and forms, I finally succeeded in changing my car's registration and my license from Texas. Gee, it only took me four hours of standing in line.

I am still in low-key mode after the move. This is time where I am learning how Midwestern Funky Town works. Many people have complained about the streets being confusing in MFT, but after Boston it seems downright straightforward. Plus, I have determined that I could (if needed) basically walk everywhere in MFT.

Most importantly, though, I found that my local market sells TaB by the case. I have not actually seen the case o’ TaB before moving to MFT. Usually I always had to buy it in six-packs. To be honest, I figured the FDA wanted to limit the amount of toxins yummy goodness that any single individual could purchase.

With all the plugging I do for the product on this blog, you would think that Coca Cola would hook me up with some TaB swag. Maybe some of those “hour-glass” tumblers? Or they could just pay for my chemo for TaB-related cancer.

Since I am still on low-key mode, I am going to refrain again from a more lengthy entry. Instead, I’ll answer a question meme that I found at UnCool.

    1. What Do You Say Most When You’re Trying Not To Swear?

    Fuck (I am not good at censoring myself).

    2. Do You Own An iPod?

    Yes, though it is getting old. It was one of the first “minis.” I couldn't even contemplate the gym without one.

    3. Which Person(s) In Your Top Friends Do You Talk To The Most?

    Um – I am not sure that I organize my friends into a hierarchy that would suggest a select “Top.” Does this mean that others have people whom they consider “Loser Friends?”

    Whatever the case, right now I probably talk with one of my sisters most often.

    4. What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To?

    It goes off at eight o’clock. As you can tell, going back to teaching in the fall is going to be tough for me.

    5. Do You Want To Fall In Love?

    Yes, of course. Do people actually answer “No?” What do they say? “No, man – I want my life to be an emotional void. That’s cool with me.”

    In terms of falling in love, though, I would like to have more sense about it than my previous ventures. No cowards -- No liars -- No zombies.

    6. Do You Wear Flip-Flops When It’s Cold?

    I never wear Flip-Flops – ever. Indeed, I would probably go barefoot first.

    7. Would You Rather Take The Picture Or Be In The Picture?

    I would like to take the picture with my super archaic 35mm SLR camera. Why go digital when, in just three short weeks, you can have prints from actual film?

    Still, I also like pictures of myself. Mostly, though, I want editorial control over all the pictures of me that exist in the world.

    8. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?

    Probably that was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It has been a very Harry Potter summer for GayProf.

    As an aside, Daniel Radcliff certainly turned into quite the looker. Just in time for him to be legal, too!

    9. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?


    10. Has Anyone Ever Called You Lazy?

    My father always called me lazy when I was growing up.

    11. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep?

    I do when I really need sleep and am too stressed out to fall asleep. Most of the time, though, I avoid over-the-counter sleep aides. They leave me feeling really groggy the next day (and Tylenol PM seems to dehydrate me for whatever reason).

    12. What CD Is Currently In Your CD Player?

    Scissor Sisters’ self-titled debut album.

    13. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?

    I only use milk in cereal or for cooking. Most times I buy 2%.

    14. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?

    Nope. Do you have one to share?

    15. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbucks?

    Hmmm – It has been sometime. I almost always make my coffee in the morning at my house. When I was in Texas last month, I think that I stopped by a Starbucks for a Mocha.

    16. Can You Whistle?

    Sure, I know how to whistle. You just put your lips together and blow.

    17. Do You Have A Trampoline In Your Back Yard?

    Who wrote this meme? Clearly not the gays.

    No -- I avoid eyesores in my garden. Trampolines only belong in sex dungeons.

    18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?

    Only the tabloids.

    19. Did You Watch Cartoons As A Child?

    Oh, goddess, yes! I was recently really excited to find the almost totally forgotten 1980s Zorro cartoon on DVD.

    20. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To?

    It’s been a bit of time, but I could probably mouth all the words to Star Trek II, III, IV, and VI ("Ship -- Out of danger?"). The same with Star Wars IV and V .

    21. What Is The Last Thing You Purchased?

    A parking permit for my new job ($500! They are mighty proud of their parking spaces at Big Midwestern University.)

    22. Is There Anything Wrong With Girls Kissing Girls?

    How could something so right be wrong? Indeed, I think that there should be more same-sex kissing across the nation.

    23. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts?

    No, but I do own a Mr. Clean t-shirt.

    24. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing?

    Though it means losing blog readers, I really like Ranch. Most often, though, I just eat salad dry (to avoid extra calories and fat).

    25. Is anyone in love with you?

    Not to my knowledge.

    26. Do You Do Your Own Dishes?

    Despite my Dish Mania, doing dishes is my least favorite chore. Everything goes in the dishwasher. EVERYTHING.

    27. Ever Cry In Public?

    I can’t think of the last time that this occurred. I cry very rarely overall. Still, if I need to cry, being in public wouldn’t stop me.

    28. Do You Like Anyone?

    Just in general? Or like – like? Or like as in "tolerate"? Is this a question about being a misanthrope? I am confused.

    29. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoo?

    I go back and forth on the tattoo thing. If I were to get one, I know what and where. Still, it all just seems too permanent for me.

    Piercings are a turn-off for me (not a judging thing – they just don’t turn my personal crank). Since you have to dress like what you want to sleep with, I have no plans for piercing.

    30. Who Was The Last Person To Make You Mad?

    My movers.

    31. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?

    What are the images in the tattoos?

    32. What Did You Do Before This?

    I was working on the never ending research project of doom. Then I answered a couple of e-mails.

    33. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor?

    That would have been last Saturday before my furniture arrived (See #30).

    34. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function?

    After careful self-evaluation, I truly need eight hours. If given the opportunity, I will take more. When I have less, though, I will not quite process information right. If I go for two or more days with less than eight hours, it is almost guaranteed that I will get a cold.

    35. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily?

    Mom always said it was the most important meal of the day.

    36. Are Your Days Full And Fast Paced?

    They are full, but not fast paced at the moment.

    37. What are you doing right now?

    I am taking a shortcut to write a blog entry.

    38. Do you use sarcasm?

    Only as a pedagogical tool.

    39. Have You Ever Been In A Fight?

    Yes, but not since middle school.

    40. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar?

    No. I can’t spell to save my life. When I grade my students’ papers, I do make many comments on grammar, but it does not affect their grades. I am more concerned about content and the quality of their thinking (but to make that thinking clear often requires good grammar).

    41. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?

    No, and I have no plans. Didn't some poor girl just lose her legs on a Six Flags roller coaster?

    42. Have You Ever Gotten Beat up?

    Yes, but not since middle school (see #39).

    43. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite?

    I don’t think there is a clear divide. As long as they worship me, I really don’t care about their gender.

    44. Do you like mustard?

    Yes - Dijon, in particular.

    45. Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach, Or Back?

    I sleep on my side or stomach. Before falling asleep, though, I toss and turn a lot. It takes me a good hour before I fall asleep. Perhaps I should rethink #11.

    46. Do You Watch The News?

    Yes, on occasion I watch the news, but most of the network news is crap today. I depend more on the internet and the New York Times (when I have the time to read it).

    47. How Did You Get Three Of Your Scars?

    Have I stumbled into the movie Jaws? I am not sure that I even have three scars. There is one on my forehead from the previously discussed childhood hairstyling accident. The only other one that I know about is a minor scar on my penis (It’s true!), but that, my friends, is a tragic tale for a different day.


Roger Owen Green said...

I suppose I should try it again, but when I was a kid, I tried and HATED TaB. You really like it - have they changed the formula over the years?

jaclyn said...

As an aside, Daniel Radcliff certainly turned into quite the looker. Just in time for him to be legal, too!

You're telling me. Yum. It makes me feel like a dirty old woman.

vuboq said...

#25. VUBOQ is (secretly) in love with GayProf. But only from a safe, respectful distance. No, that wasn't me outside your window last night.

Anonymous said...

I've never understood why people think it's tough to get around MFT, either. Well...except for a Football Saturday. Those are a little slice of heaven.

Confession time: I've never had TaB.

ChristopherM said...

Ranch dressing? I'm never coming here again!

pacalaga said...

I prefer the Weasley Twins, myself. Daniel needs a good brow wax.
And I am waiting with bated breath for the tragic tale. Big tease.

tornwordo said...

A zipper scar? Or a couldn't-stop-but-ran-out-of-lube scar?

I should do a meme for tomorrow, I'm empty.

Tenured Radical said...

*Everyone* is in love wth GayProf.

But as to the roller coaster accident -- it wasn't a Six Flags. I believe it was a theme park here in Connecticut, the name of which escapes me, but which has had more than one fatality during the 16 years I have lived here. According to my nephews (14, 12 and 7) who were going to the park the following day but said they would avoid the ride, it was one of those twirly things, and the girl's legs got wrapped in the steel cable and were severed. Which made a lot more sense than the 7 year old's account of the incident, which was: "The ride goes so fast your feet fall off."

But I like this account much better.


Steven said...

This is definitely some good background information to know the next time you have YOUR quiz with us blog followers.

Marius said...

Daniel Radcliff is cute, but there's something about him that bugs me. He's just too immature right now. My favorite younger man is Shia LaBeouf. I love the kid.

Hm, I've never tried TaB. I feel deprived. Does it taste like Dr. Pepper?

Now, a final question, does MFT have a small tortilla factory? Seriously, that would make MFT even funkier. Mmm, nothing beats freshly made tortillas. Anthony Bourdain loves 'em.

GayProf said...

ROG: You can't force the TaB love. It's either there or it isn't.

Jaclyn: I felt the same about being dirty and old. Still, good looking is good looking.

VUBOQ: This only means that I am going to have to figure out ways to bump off Y.

Alan: TaB is the Official Queer Soda. Come by my house -- You will get a TaB.

Christopher: I knew this would be the case when I wrote that.

Pacalaga: I need a good brow wax myself. I am always days away from being Frida Kahlo.

Torn: Good guesses, both. Neither is correct. I have had lube related injuries, but none of them left scars.

Tenured Radical: If I wanted to feel like my feet were falling off, I will just go to a bar.

Steven: Certainly a T-Shirt is a worthy reward for memorizing my life history.

Marius: TaB tastes like chemicals. It has no "natural flavors."

Alas, the tortilla situation is quite grave in MFT. One of my new colleagues even resorted to making her own given the lack of a decent supply here. I don't think that I am that ambitious. Besides, my tortillas (when I have made them from scratch) usually turn out as light as a hubcap.

Anonymous said...

Incidentally, there is a tortilleria on the far east side, "El Buen Gusto," if you get tired of the "El Milagro" from Chi-town.

Elizabeth McClung said...

#16 - like a delayed cinematic orgasm, I could feel it coming but still enjoyed it when it arrived. I like ranch and I think saying "no" to people loving you is going to get the biggest blog affirmation ever

Anonymous said...

can I be totally self-serving? You moved to Boston for a year but didn't change your registration or license? Was that cool with your insurance?

I am hoping to move for a year and *not* visit the DMV, but I am not totally sure it's legal or how I have to finagle it. Any advice?

Long-time lurker.

Marlan said...

For good tortillas in this state, follow Horace Greeley's advice and Go West Young Man!

Other than that, I can only comment that I hope you don't mix the Tab with the Vodka. That's a waste of good Vodka, in my opinion.

dykewife said...

a girl lost her legs at an amusement park? that was very careless of her, i must say.

Marlan said...

Guess she didn't get to ride any of the rides, either.

Anonymous said...

Does TaB still taste the same as it did in the 80's? Cuz' I tried it once, and it was a no-go.

This Boy Elroy said...

Oh, but I love you GayProf.

GayProf said...

RikyU: I have found no listing for El Buen Gusto in MFT. Perhaps you are in the other MFT?

Elizabeth: Well, this whole blog is basically me seeking affirmation, so that sounds like a win.

Dance: No, I didn't switch to MA. There are two things, though, that affected my case which might or might not be the same for you. 1) I arrived knowing that it was only going to be a year stint. Indeed, I was still considered a full-time employee of my Texas institution and a resident of my Texas county. 2) I left my car garaged in Texas and did not drive in Boston. If I had taken the car, I would have had to change everything, even for just the year.

Marlan: Trust me -- I didn't move to MFT for the town's tortillas.

DykeWife: I was going to make a joke about her losing her head if it wasn't attached, but thought that went too far.

Malran2: Well, after losing her legs, I am sure it put a damper on the whole excursion.

JP: It's the same. Saccharine is the key flavor agent.

This Boy Elroy: I love you, too! But, as with VUBOQ, I am in the uncomfortable position of figuring out how to get rid of your current partner. Not that I don't appreciate it, but it might be nice if somebody loved me who wasn't already in a relationship. Just sayin'.

Artistic Soul said...

A scar on your penis?!? You will have to share that story. Good closing line.

Anonymous said...

There's another MFT? Unpossible!

El Buen Gusto
4512 E Washington Ave

The tricky part is that it's in a strip mall behind another stripmall. Yes, it's a veritable mobius stripmall...

There are also little mercados all over the south and east sides, mostly run by secondary immigrants (i.e. they immigrated to Chicago first, and then up to MFT), some of which make their own.

Anonymous said...

Thanks much for taking the time to answer!

r said...

Details man, details.

Your scar penis story is going to be another post, I just know it.

Now, the whole, "I don't lower their grade for grammar mistakes" comment? Prof! For shame!

College. These kids are in college. They shouldn't be making grammatical mistakes. Gah.

That's the school marm in me coming out.

Like that guy on Torn's scrabble game the other day. "Should of" instead of "should have."

Where's my knuckle-rapping ruler?

Antonio said...

That scarred penis line is the biggest tease I've read in some time. Details please.

Alan Williams said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alan Williams said...

After an absurd level of paperwork and forms, I finally succeeded in changing my car's registration and my license from Texas. Gee, it only took me four hours of standing in line.

Four hours? Damn, it only took me an hour to change my car registration, change my license, and for my partner to get an Illinois ID card.

Doug said...

OMG, I loved your answer to #1.

And re: #3: I don't really know which of my friends are "top" or "bottom." Well, okay, maybe a few. ;)

Given that you didn't elaborate on the location and subject of your desired tattoo, I can only assume it's naughty. Perhaps it's to cover up #47?

I am SO with you on #34. I need my sleep.

goblinbox said...

Wait. You have to dress like what you want to sleep with?! Why did no one tell me this before?

goblinbox said...

And BONUS! I'm in love with you and I'm not in a relationship!

Of course, there's the drawback of my being a girl. But whatever. You're just so thinky.

I will totally give you an alibi if you drive to Vuboq's town and off his BF. THAT'S HOW DEEP IS MY LOVE.