Thursday, March 16, 2006

The Future is Not Ours To See

Thanks to all who sent good wishes. I am excited about Boston, but I am coming back to the realization that I still have at least five months left in Texas. Plus, there is that whole work thing I still need to do, but, whatever.

In the meantime, Oso Raro posted this nifty Magic-8 Ball© type game on Slaves of Academe. All your questions about life, love, and fate can be answered through i-Tunes (Is there nothing that i-Tunes can’t do?).

Yeah, okay, it’s an easy way for me to get a post. Even GayProf gets lazy sometimes. Still, it entertained me nonetheless.

Simple directions: Open i-Tunes to your entire digital library (not just a playlist), then use the shuffle function on your music player and see what you come up with in answer to the following questions. I added my own rule that no artist could be repeated twice (otherwise Billie Holiday would have sung ten of these songs). For statisticians out there, I have 577 songs in my current library.

    1. How does the world see you?
    "Nothin’ for Nothin’," Pearl Bailey (I am going to interpret this to mean that the world sees me as a gay, gay man.)

    2.Will I have a happy life?
    "When the Heartache Is Over," Tina Turner (Fair enough.)

    3. What do my friends really think of me?
    "This Drinkin’ Will Kill Me," Dwight Yoakam (Hey – That’s not nice.)

    4. Do people secretly lust after me?
    "Mad About the Boy," Dinah Washington (Okay – That’s not so bad – I’ll take it as a yes. What? It’s a yes, right? RIGHT?)

    5. How can I make myself happy?
    "Trouble," Pink (Is my i-Tunes trying to be facetious?)

    6. What should I do with my life?
    "Wake Me Up When September Ends," Green Day (Well, at least it makes sense given I should be in Boston by the end of September)

    7. Will I ever have children?
    "What a Little Moonlight Can Do," Billie Holiday (Because I don’t care for children, let’s just say that’s a no.)

    8. What is some good advice for me?
    "Dancing Queen," ABBA (I can live with that.)

    9. How will I be remembered?
    "The Seed (2.0)," The Roots and Cody Chestnutt (Um – I don’t want to question the all-knowing i-Tunes, but I am not sure this is right.)

    10. What is my signature dancing song?
    "Diamonds Are Forever," Shirley Bassey (Damn Right! Diamonds can stimulate and tease me – I don't need love. What good will love do me? Diamonds never lie to me. For when love is gone, they luster on. Unlike men, diamonds linger. Okay -- I will stop. How does one dance to this, though? Better find some go-go boots and a cage.)

    11. What do I think my current theme song is?
    "Skyliner," Carmen McRae (Okay – I guess, maybe – Yeah, not really.)

    12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
    "Red, Red Wine," UB40 (Jesus – Between this and question 3, i-Tunes is telling me that my friends think I am a lush. I do NOT have a drinking problem. Get off my back. I can quit at any time.)

    13. What song will play at my funeral?
    "Queen Bitch," David Bowie (It’s okay – I kinda hoped for “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”)

    14 What type of men do I like?
    "One Way or Another," Blondie (I don't get it. What, oh oracle of i-Tunes, are you trying to tell me?)

    15. What is my day going to be like?
    "Lift It Up," Inaya Day (At least my day will have a good beat.)


Dorian said...

Well if you had the super-nifty keen Shirley Bassey Remix album, you'd have a perfectly danceable version of Diamonds are Forever...

The techno version of Hey Big Spender on that is really good too.

Unknown said...

Congratulations! I still remember how glad I was when I got out of rural Virginia and into the {relative) comfort of the outskirts of DC. I bet it's even ten times better for you.

Frank said...

Oh my god, gayprof, I sooooo have to come to Texas and stay with you! We could sing "Diamonds Are Forever" while dancing all night long! "Men are mere mortals who are not worth going to your grave for! *dadadadaDA*"

And I don't drink, so maybe I could help you with that drinking problem you got going on. Or, at least, leave all the booze for you.

Re # 14, do you have penchant for "straight" married men? Drag queens, perhaps?

Oso Raro said...

Only 577 songs in your Miss iTunes? Miss Girl, our computers need to have a love affair, like yesterday. I have almost 2000 lusciously gay songs (and I'm a novice) that will have you shaking your tail feather like a white girl who just discovered rock and roll (um, or something like that). Mmmm, promiscuous mp4 file sharing! What will the religious right say about that?! Those HOMO-sexuals!

We can meet in the departures lounge of Houston Hobby, you on your way to Miss Boston, me in disguise (look for the dame in a red wig and sling-back kitten heel strappy sandals) en route to join the CIA spooks and oilmen in Caracas.

Conor Karrel said...

Sadly, I'm apparently stuck in the 90's, I only have CD's hard to answer all these questions with just 10 songs *sigh*

GayProf said...

Dorian: What? Why doesn't anybody tell me about these things?!

Chad: Thanks!

Frank: Yes, come to Texas! "Hold one up and then caress it, Touch it, stroke it and undress it, I can see every part, Nothing hides in the heart to hurt me." Wait -- What are we talking about here?

Oso Raro: I know -- I need more tunes. Hook a boy up, will ya? FYI -- I fly through Houston Intercontinental (which I will never refer to by that horrible other name).

MEK: Geez, plug in, man. ;-)

Frank said...

I always thought it was "nothing hides in the DARK," not "in the heart." I'll have to look that up.

God, HOW GAY can we possibly get? Arguing over Shirley Bassie lyrics! I love it!!! *LOL*